quiet

i'm sitting in my temporary home. it's quiet and still. it's the first moment i've had to be still in a long time. i feel like i've been going going going going for awhile. i feel out of sorts a bit. before i moved my stuff here kenley thought that i was bringing too much stuff. i know i wasn't. i had packed my life into three boxes for the next month. i had everything i knew i needed. the little comment somehow put me into a terrible downward spiral. i took apart the boxes that i had carefully measured out and spent time putting together. i had pieces of 'home' that i knew i would need to get me through the next month. and all of a sudden i felt attacked and judged. i tearfully went through my clothes and repacked, poorly.

i arrived at home #1 shaken up. my life in boxes. and no home in sight. annemarie asked me how i was doing and i immediately broke down in tears. i had said goodbye to the one place that has provided me a safe home for the past four years. i didn't think that it would be this difficult. i'm home jilted. i know i didn't want to do this move a week before the wedding. now i just have to figure out how to navigate well these 34 some days when all i want to do is go home.