i sat across from kenley in our house. i heard words coming out of my mouth. we were talking about conflict. it wasn't that big of a deal, but i couldn't figure out why i wanted to cry. i had returned from watching a movie and felt pretty good. when i was in the movie i had a moment of reflection and trying to figure out why i've felt so at odds with myself. and so across from kenley i began to bawl and explained that i was exhausted. wedding planning isn't stressful. it's been fun, but something else has stressed me out. i didn't realize that work was stressing me out that much. when i sat in the movie, i was thinking, what has changed in my life that has made me feel more stressed out. i thought that kenley moving here was stressful or maybe it was when we got engaged, but no, those events have been really fun and great. but handling stress at the workplace has been nonexistent. being at the retreat this past week reminded me of that.
so i sat with kenley and cried and cried. i couldn't believe that this stress had been so consuming that it managed to hover over wedding planning. that it had found its way into every part of my life and i don't like it. i didn't like that i couldn't move from the couch because i knew that it signaled the end of my weekend. and i didn't like that i was afraid of going to work because i finally figured out that it stresses me out.
kenley is my optimist and he reminded me that it will be okay. i dont' want stress, no matter where, to dictate what i do, what i eat, how i act. it's not who i am. and it's not going to make me.
i rest in the grace of God. i know God will keep me safe. and i know that God doesn't change.
prov. 3:5.
No comments:
Post a Comment