Seasons of Change

September has been a month of change. I feel like the past two Septembers, this one included, have been full of changes. I'm learning that change doesn't stop – how we respond to change is more important than trying to keep things the same.

Last September I moved out of my apartment and lived with two different families. I got married in October. And this time around this September marked the last month of employment at a place I worked at for five years. It was also a time that I celebrated two weddings. And then it's the month where dear friends are moving across the country. September is the month that welcomes a new season (fall).

What do you do to celebrate new seasons? I'd like to move towards celebrating new seasons rather than dreading them...

Woe is me.

Woe is me has never been a motto that has gotten anyone anywhere ever. And that's been the motto i've had for a few days. I got discouraged about a week and a half ago, I got hit with a cold/flu and couldn't work out and eat well. Well, I could've eaten better, but when I'm feeling down and out I let most of the things that could help me, go.

So, I got home from my freelance job (I love love love it) and took a two hour nap. When I finally woke up, I stumbled around the kitchen. Looking at the dishes that needed to be done I thought this in my head...no seriously, I think this.

I just need one more day and i'll be better. I'll snap out of this. 


Life is staring me in the eyes, transitions, frustrations, hopes, dreams are all staring at me waiting for me to participate, but I've cowered and thrown up a white flag of surrender and chanted woe is me.

But I'm done. It was like a switch flipped in my head, my posture, my thinking, my perspective. I'm done giving up. I'm done being passively involved in what's happening around me. I'm tired of not taking care of myself. (I realized that I was running on a deficit today when two of my best friends asked for some help and I told them (in more ways than one) that my issues were too much for me to handle. Yes, I need to tend to what's happening with me and not overextend myself, but there are certainly better ways to handle it i'm sure). Things at work were tough, i'm dealing with transitions of things there and of friends, I feel like I can't get back into eating well and working out (I ENJOY WORKING OUT)...and I sort of gave up for a few weeks.

But. I. Am. Back.

My head's in the game. And thanks for the prayers you nice people.

I think that courage is the theme I should focus on these days.

Deep breaths...deep breaths...gotta take deep breaths.

I am one week and one day before my last day at my current job.

Think of me, pray for me, sending me gentle thoughts.

Mandy and I reminisced on some of the past years we've shared together. We laughed so hard. I snorted. I had tears running down my face. I am incredibly thankful for the years that I was able to share with some of my closest and dearest friends.

When I get stressed, I turn to food. I wish I were that person who would turn away from food when stressed. But I am who I am.

I want to feel the feelings that are swirling around my head and my body. I don't want to ignore those feelings by numbing them with food. And I think i'll try doing that with deep breaths.

Swimming Lesson Update

So, one of the things I want to do before I turn 30 is become a better swimmer. I had my first lesson today at the Y. I highly recommend swimming lessons at the Y for all ages. Our Y offers two adult lessons. The first lesson is for beginnings and the lesson I took is for those who want to improve their strokes.

I didn't realize how comfortable I would be in the water. I didn't swim as much as I wanted to this summer :(. BUT I got in the water today and was at home.

The format was simple...the instructor had me explain my goals in lessons: to become a stronger swimmer, become more familiar with the various strokes and be able to swim laps. I wasn't super confident when I began my lesson, but when I started to show her how I swim, I was alright. (side note: i'm confident that Mandy needs to be a part-time swimming instructor). I made my way to the deep end on my own. I practiced breathing. I began facing some of my anxieties.

I'm afraid of drowning...when I see that movie Perfect Storm, I get the creeps. And you know me, I siked myself out of being confident in the water. I hope by the end of my lessons I'm a more confident person in facing tasks that I thought were too scary to face.

eating clean as a family

K and I were at a going away party for some dear friends last night. Talking to oen of our friends, I noticed that she seemed lighter in a number of ways. I asked her what she was doing...she was eating clean.

We talked about what that meant to her. I shared about the lessons i've been learning from the past few months. We talked about being emotional eaters. We had shared experiences with stress and food.

K and I made our way home and talked about what we want to do as a family.

And we want to eat clean. We've already started to eat more fruits and vegetables. Now, watching portions, choosing foods that are closer to their natural state and eating foods with ingredients we recognize...the SW household gotsa get our clean eating on.

What are you eating these days? Any good recipes?

A cleanse/a detox/a cleanse/ perspective

A few weeks ago, about three, I asked one of my dear and close and inspiring and supportive friends to join me on a cleanse. She introduced me to this cleanse that I just RUUUHAAAVE about to everyone.

The Quantum Wellness Cleanse.

I wanted to do the cleanse because I was entering into an emotionally volatile situation - my last month at my job. Since I'm an emotional eater, stress makes for an interesting meal plan.

The book is great, I highly recommend it. You avoid eating refined sugars, animal products, alcohol, gluten and caffeine. Basically, you're eating clean.

A week into the cleanse I enjoyed Labor Day and returned to the cleanse...and also a detox. I lowered my calories a significant amount (I do not recommend this).

A few nights ago I began reflecting on the cleanse/detox.

Things I like:

Good variety in healthy food
Portions
Wholesome ways of eating and losing weight....nothing drastic
Eating clean
And the elements of Weight Watchers!

I struggled returning to Weight Watchers recently...I knew how to trick the plan which doesn't work :) But I think that I have enough perspective and space to return. I'm not sure when i'll return to WW officially...gotta find a job or something first :). But I can use the things I've learned in these weeks and apply those to my life.

That's it.

My letter to Summer

Hey friends,

I was so happy to be able to write for a great and local website, Omaha.net. I'm a monthly contributor on things health and health and health. :)

Check it out here and let me know what you think...what would your letter to summer be?

Leaving a Cave : Thoughts on Stress and Life

I have been writing in my journal every day for the past couple of weeks. I started a cleanse "The Quantum Wellness Cleanse" by Kathy Freston. I did it for about a week and then entered into a bit of a detox. I didn't realize how important the timing of my clean eating would be.

My last day at my current place of employment is the end of this month. When I resigned (in June) I felt an immediate wave of relief. I realized that even the uncertainty of my next step was more life giving than staying in a situation where I knew I needed to leave. Since resigning different people have noticed that I'm different. Both Kenley and my spiritual director noticed this change in me...and tonight I noticed it as well.

I was writing in my journal (love it) and wrote about how I'm noticing how incredible Kenley is. I am falling more and more in love with him and then it dawned on me...

I am coming out of a cave. 


If you're in a cave without a headlamp, your eyes have to adjust to the lack of light...you get accustomed to your dim surroundings. Colors fade into grays and blacks and dark hues of brown. And you feel your way through the ins and outs of the cave.

When you leave a cave, your eyes have to adjust to the light again...colors seem more vibrant. And you are back into the real world.

Stress is a cave. Sometimes it doesn't seem like there is a way out...and sometimes it seems like just living in the cave and in the stress is easier than finding a way out.

I'm finding my way out. I know life is not easy. I also know that some things shouldn't be so hard. And life will be full of ups and downs...it's listening to those moments and growing from them that we're supposed to do....so, I'm working on seeing the light, letting my eyes adjust :)

In Freston's book she includes daily meditations to do...one of the recent ones is "I examine myself."

"Throughout the day, I will say to myself with eyes closed. I examine myself. I will always be challenged by various situations - relationship conflicts, stress at work, drama with my kids - and thus experience feelings that are uncomfortable. All of this provides the friction necessary for my personal growth. If everything went along swimmingly all the time, I would never have the opportunity to stretch myself, or work at pushing through the obstalces that keep me stagnant. In order to keep moving forward, I can step back from the feelings and examine them, noting how familiar or repetitive they are. I can think about how and when they originated so that I understand the historical progression. By realizing that we are all wounded in some way, I can look to my wounds as an opportunity to know myself better. As I come to know myself better, I will find myself connecting with other people on a deeper and more meaningful level. As I now see it, the purpose of my life is to grow and awaken to the powerful potential that is within. My most sacred mission is to focus on moving through the places that hold me back." - The Quantum Wellness Cleanse, Kathy Freston, pg. 68

Swimming Lessons: Celebrating my 20s

I'm turning 30 March 1, 2011...and I have a list of things that I want to do before i'm 30...one of them is to take adult swimming lessons :) I know how to swim, but I want to improve my swimming. SO. On a whim I signed up for swimming lessons!!! As an employee of the Y I get half off the price...so for two months of swimming lessons with a private coach. 

I.

Paid.

$17.

I'm looking forward to trying something new at our local YMCA. After reading this article Why Don't Black Americans Swim I was inspired. Are you reading anything that's inspiring you to step out of your comfort zone? 

September. A month of changes and growth.

It is the first of September. I've been counting down for this month for awhile. As many of you know I resigned from my role at WMF at the beginning of June. September 30 is my last day in the office.

I'm not sure exactly what is next. I'm thankful for a friends who are hustling for me all up and through Omaha. One of those friends introduced me to a freelancing opportunity in Omaha. I've been doing that and applying for jobs.

So this month has a lot of significance to me.
I've slowed down a bit...I'm participating in a cleanse...i'm listening to my emotions a bit more...i'm journaling a lot...and getting ready for what's next.

ALSO! I thought i'd show you my hair progress - growth!