yep. i was that kid who would love to try and see how long i could hold my breath under water. there is always that point of feeling like you're just about to suffocate. your arms flail...you push off of the bottom of the pool and you come up for air. beautiful, lovely and satisfying air.
i'm not at that point of feeling like i 'm suffocating. i've made a point to go to the gym each morning...and i've tried to make a point to create some quiet space in the morning at home when i get back. sometimes saved by the bell is just too tempting.
the board meeting starts this weekend. it is sometimes a test to see who has to come up for air...flailing their arms...or who comes up beside you to help you catch your breath. that's my prayer for this weekend. it's inevitable...something will happen...and our arms will go up in the air...our blood pressure will join it...and so will our hair...and possibly the volume of our voices. but hopefully someone will link arms with us and tell us...it's alright, just come up for some air. this will be over before you know it...and besides, we get an extra hour of sleep on sunday.
:)
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
bootleg internet :)
kenley is letting me borrow his laptop and someone is letting me borrow their internet.
remember that one time i started a blog to write about my journey with weight watchers, oh yeah. i did.
so i'll write a little bit about what i'm learning about in my journey of living a whole, healthy life with discipline and grace.
realization.
for the longest time...well, i guess five years, i was in denial about my relationship with food. i definitely found comfort in food through celebrations, loneliness, happiness anger, solitude, companionship and community. i had always been fairly active through high school and a majority of college. i assumed that my body would just adjust to living a sedentary life. i didn't think that it would adjust to being over 200 pounds...more specifically 228 pounds. damn. she just wrote that.
i invite people to be a part of my life and this is an important part of my life, it is my health.
so. i realized there was something wrong when i went to get my nebraska license and didn't know what to put in the 'weight' portion of the application. hmm. i knew that it was harder for me to fasten seatbelts on planes...i knew it was harder to bend over to paint my nails...and shit, it was a lot harder for me to climb the three flights of stairs to my apartment. well. 185 sounds good. to me it was an acknowledgment that i wasn't the weight i should be. but i didn't realize that it was far, far from the truth.
the truth was that i was a morbidly obese 25 year old woman. i had odd heart pains, my feet hurt in the morning, i slept much more than i needed to, i avoided the gym, i wore guachos - a lot and i wasn't happy.
it went beyond my weight. i'm realizing that our lives are much more interconnected than we like to admit. when i don't have enough alone time, my health suffers...and when my health suffers i don't want to spend time with Christ...and when i don't spend time with Christ i'm not being refreshed, inspired, filled up to be given those around me. it's all tied up together.
so. now. i look back to almost a year ago and i wonder what happened. my mom spoke into my life in ways that no one else did. i wonder if we have the courage to call each other out...not in a negative way...but in a way to encourage and uplift them. my prayer is that we live towards wholeness: spiritually, emotionally, relationally, physically...all of those areas and more. and as we move towards wholeness we can offer ourselves to each other. this goes against what our culture thinks we should do or who we should be. it makes more sense if we indulge ourselves in things that make us feel good. why would we want to eat a balanced diet when we can feel better eating what makes us feel good...why would we want to use our bodies and exercise when we can just not (i know, bad sentence). i hope that we can move to honoring God's creation - our body through whole health.
anyway. these are just some thoughts. i'm definitely still working through what this looks like. much more later. it's too late to write more.
peace to you.
remember that one time i started a blog to write about my journey with weight watchers, oh yeah. i did.
so i'll write a little bit about what i'm learning about in my journey of living a whole, healthy life with discipline and grace.
realization.
for the longest time...well, i guess five years, i was in denial about my relationship with food. i definitely found comfort in food through celebrations, loneliness, happiness anger, solitude, companionship and community. i had always been fairly active through high school and a majority of college. i assumed that my body would just adjust to living a sedentary life. i didn't think that it would adjust to being over 200 pounds...more specifically 228 pounds. damn. she just wrote that.
i invite people to be a part of my life and this is an important part of my life, it is my health.
so. i realized there was something wrong when i went to get my nebraska license and didn't know what to put in the 'weight' portion of the application. hmm. i knew that it was harder for me to fasten seatbelts on planes...i knew it was harder to bend over to paint my nails...and shit, it was a lot harder for me to climb the three flights of stairs to my apartment. well. 185 sounds good. to me it was an acknowledgment that i wasn't the weight i should be. but i didn't realize that it was far, far from the truth.
the truth was that i was a morbidly obese 25 year old woman. i had odd heart pains, my feet hurt in the morning, i slept much more than i needed to, i avoided the gym, i wore guachos - a lot and i wasn't happy.
it went beyond my weight. i'm realizing that our lives are much more interconnected than we like to admit. when i don't have enough alone time, my health suffers...and when my health suffers i don't want to spend time with Christ...and when i don't spend time with Christ i'm not being refreshed, inspired, filled up to be given those around me. it's all tied up together.
so. now. i look back to almost a year ago and i wonder what happened. my mom spoke into my life in ways that no one else did. i wonder if we have the courage to call each other out...not in a negative way...but in a way to encourage and uplift them. my prayer is that we live towards wholeness: spiritually, emotionally, relationally, physically...all of those areas and more. and as we move towards wholeness we can offer ourselves to each other. this goes against what our culture thinks we should do or who we should be. it makes more sense if we indulge ourselves in things that make us feel good. why would we want to eat a balanced diet when we can feel better eating what makes us feel good...why would we want to use our bodies and exercise when we can just not (i know, bad sentence). i hope that we can move to honoring God's creation - our body through whole health.
anyway. these are just some thoughts. i'm definitely still working through what this looks like. much more later. it's too late to write more.
peace to you.
Friday, October 26, 2007
two minutes
what do i have to say in two minutes? well. there have been things that i want to write about but haven't had the time yet.
i will write soon. kenley comes in town this weekend and i'm thrilled.
and it's the weekend. and i'm thrilled.
peace.
i will write soon. kenley comes in town this weekend and i'm thrilled.
and it's the weekend. and i'm thrilled.
peace.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
funny link about cellphones
don't be these people (mentioned in the article)
http://tech.msn.com/products/articlecnet.aspx?cp-documentid=5569792>1=10540
http://tech.msn.com/products/articlecnet.aspx?cp-documentid=5569792>1=10540
Saturday, October 20, 2007
mmm fall
i made it to new york this morning at 10:04. actually we landed at 9:45 am...
there's nothing like a direct flight from omaha to newark...and there's nothing better than not paying for the ticket. here's to redeeming points to fly :).
anyway. i had a good week. a lot of the week was looking forward to this weekend. there's nothing like hanging with my sweet man in a really cool city with delicious fall weather.
after a week of cloudy, gloomy skies i welcome these cloudless, blue skies that new york is offering me right now. :)
there's nothing like a direct flight from omaha to newark...and there's nothing better than not paying for the ticket. here's to redeeming points to fly :).
anyway. i had a good week. a lot of the week was looking forward to this weekend. there's nothing like hanging with my sweet man in a really cool city with delicious fall weather.
after a week of cloudy, gloomy skies i welcome these cloudless, blue skies that new york is offering me right now. :)
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
woman
of all of the times i've read The Jesus I Never Knew i've never stopped on the two pages (so far) where yancey mentions the role of women in Jesus' life.
so this morning it caught me off guard when our department stopped to discuss these two pages. i'm not really sure it was even two pages. but we paused for quite awhile when we were discussing the longest part of this book, TJINK.
i'm not really sure how to articulate how the conversation went down but it's really stayed with me the entire day.
'perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle and last at the Cross. they had never known a man like this Man -- there had never been such another. a prophet and teacher who never nagged at them, who never flattered or coaxed or patronized; who never made arch jokes about them, never treated them either as 'The women, God help us!' or 'The Ladies, God bless them!'; who rebuked without querulousness and praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously, who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being female; who had no ax to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend; who took them as he found them and was completely unselfconscious.
there is no act, no sermon, no parable in the whole Gospel that borrows its pungency from female perversity; nobody could possibly guess from the words of Jesus that there was anything 'funny' about woman's nature.
but we might easily deduce it from His contemporaries, and from His prophets before Him, and from His Church to this day.'
- TJINK, page 154 -
- Dorothy Sayers, Are Women Human, Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press, 1971, p. 47
so this morning it caught me off guard when our department stopped to discuss these two pages. i'm not really sure it was even two pages. but we paused for quite awhile when we were discussing the longest part of this book, TJINK.
i'm not really sure how to articulate how the conversation went down but it's really stayed with me the entire day.
'perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle and last at the Cross. they had never known a man like this Man -- there had never been such another. a prophet and teacher who never nagged at them, who never flattered or coaxed or patronized; who never made arch jokes about them, never treated them either as 'The women, God help us!' or 'The Ladies, God bless them!'; who rebuked without querulousness and praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously, who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being female; who had no ax to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend; who took them as he found them and was completely unselfconscious.
there is no act, no sermon, no parable in the whole Gospel that borrows its pungency from female perversity; nobody could possibly guess from the words of Jesus that there was anything 'funny' about woman's nature.
but we might easily deduce it from His contemporaries, and from His prophets before Him, and from His Church to this day.'
- TJINK, page 154 -
- Dorothy Sayers, Are Women Human, Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press, 1971, p. 47
Monday, October 15, 2007
when i run dry...i stop awhile and think of you
here's my most recent prayer letter. enjoy :)
Dear Friends,
Photographs, postcards, letters and scribbled notes surround me at my desk at work. I recently read a magazine article that suggested that by displaying reminders of friends and family through photographs and notes then feelings of loneliness could be kept at bay. I’ve outlined my personal journey with loneliness in my prayer letters, but don’t worry, I’m not walking into the office each day clutching pictures of friends and family while wiping away tears from my face.
You would, however, catch me hanging up those pieces of mail and photographs that have made their ways though the postal system to Omaha, Nebraska. I have to be honest, when it comes to letters, postcards or anything that is handwritten, there is a good chance I will keep those in some area of my apartment or office. Not just cards for birthdays and holidays, it gets much worse, I, Jara Sturdivant have kept a ‘note notebook’ from middle school that I shared with one of my girlfriends.
I can’t help but keep these tangible reminders of my personal history. With those mementos I am able to refer to my personal history and how my life has interacted and intertwined from the lives of those around me. It’s that context that keeps me grounded in who I am and how I’ve gotten here. And the core of that context is relationship.
That’s one of the reasons why I was drawn to the ministry of Word Made Flesh. Our interactions with each other and the poor are based on relationships. Our relationship to the Lord, our relationship to our community, our relationship to our supporters and our relationship to the poor whom we serve among. These relationships are the basis, the root, the very foundation of building true community.
And you are a part of this community. You are my friend and partner in this ministry. Because of our friendship and partnership, I commit to you that I won’t objectify you by seeing you only for what you can give. At WMF we have steered away from the historically aggressive fund-raising techniques that are solely based on numbers. We base everything on relationships. You are a part of this ministry with Word Made Flesh. You all are not only friends and family members who support me in my ministry with WMF. You all are friends and family members, who alongside me, participate in God’s work around the world.
Thank you for joining me in what God is doing around the world. In the next issue of The Cry we have highlighted what is happening with each of the WMF areas of service around the world. I would encourage you to read that for a glimpse of how God is moving among our friends. Also, you should check out the new Sari Bari website. Sari Bari is a business initiative of WMF Kolkata that gives women dignity-giving employment who were previously trapped in the sex trade. Visit www.saribari.com for more information.
Personally, I am doing well. Historically winter has been a dark time for me in Omaha, but this season I am hopeful. God has continued to prove Himself faithful in so many ways. The very areas where I’ve seen the most desolation in the past two years God has been incredibly gracious in providing this year. I’ve found some good friends to spend time with out of the office. I’m in a good rhythm with my health, exercising and eating well. I’m settling into my role in the advocacy department and establishing healthy boundaries that allow me to move away from being driven by crises.
And I’ve seen incredible, basically miraculous, growth in my support account. I’ll give you some context with my support account. Last October at this time, my support account was $-4,071.93. As of October 15, my support account is in positive territory! It is $609.68!
Even beyond the numbers, friends, new and old, near and far, have joined me in the ministry with WMF. If that’s financially or prayerfully, friends have literally surrounded me with love. There are no words to articulate how grateful I am. I celebrate having friends alongside me participating in what God is doing around the world.
If you are wondering how you can join me in my ministry, there are several different ways. First and most importantly, pray, pray, pray. Pray for our friends around the world, pray for those who serve among them (our international staff) and pray for those who serve them (our Omaha staff). Pray that we proclaim God’s hope, justice and kingdom in desperate and desolate situations. Second, I invite you to prayerfully give financially. I know that each month I ask for more monthly supporters…but it’s because I know that God has always provided and that you all have always responded generously. In order for my support account to stay in the positive, I will still need people to join me in financial, monthly support.
I invite you to take the next step in partnering with me in my ministry with WMF. If that is through being a committed prayer partner or if that’s committing to becoming a monthly, or one-time supporter, whatever the case, I would love to have you a part of this ministry. I’ve included the typical response card that can assist you in your giving and also act as a note to me letting me know how you’re supporting the ministry. I’m a lover of handwritten letters so if you include your address, I’ll definitely send some mail your way.
Thank you for being a part of my life and surrounding me with your prayers, thoughts and words.
love, jara
Dear Friends,
Photographs, postcards, letters and scribbled notes surround me at my desk at work. I recently read a magazine article that suggested that by displaying reminders of friends and family through photographs and notes then feelings of loneliness could be kept at bay. I’ve outlined my personal journey with loneliness in my prayer letters, but don’t worry, I’m not walking into the office each day clutching pictures of friends and family while wiping away tears from my face.
You would, however, catch me hanging up those pieces of mail and photographs that have made their ways though the postal system to Omaha, Nebraska. I have to be honest, when it comes to letters, postcards or anything that is handwritten, there is a good chance I will keep those in some area of my apartment or office. Not just cards for birthdays and holidays, it gets much worse, I, Jara Sturdivant have kept a ‘note notebook’ from middle school that I shared with one of my girlfriends.
I can’t help but keep these tangible reminders of my personal history. With those mementos I am able to refer to my personal history and how my life has interacted and intertwined from the lives of those around me. It’s that context that keeps me grounded in who I am and how I’ve gotten here. And the core of that context is relationship.
That’s one of the reasons why I was drawn to the ministry of Word Made Flesh. Our interactions with each other and the poor are based on relationships. Our relationship to the Lord, our relationship to our community, our relationship to our supporters and our relationship to the poor whom we serve among. These relationships are the basis, the root, the very foundation of building true community.
And you are a part of this community. You are my friend and partner in this ministry. Because of our friendship and partnership, I commit to you that I won’t objectify you by seeing you only for what you can give. At WMF we have steered away from the historically aggressive fund-raising techniques that are solely based on numbers. We base everything on relationships. You are a part of this ministry with Word Made Flesh. You all are not only friends and family members who support me in my ministry with WMF. You all are friends and family members, who alongside me, participate in God’s work around the world.
Thank you for joining me in what God is doing around the world. In the next issue of The Cry we have highlighted what is happening with each of the WMF areas of service around the world. I would encourage you to read that for a glimpse of how God is moving among our friends. Also, you should check out the new Sari Bari website. Sari Bari is a business initiative of WMF Kolkata that gives women dignity-giving employment who were previously trapped in the sex trade. Visit www.saribari.com for more information.
Personally, I am doing well. Historically winter has been a dark time for me in Omaha, but this season I am hopeful. God has continued to prove Himself faithful in so many ways. The very areas where I’ve seen the most desolation in the past two years God has been incredibly gracious in providing this year. I’ve found some good friends to spend time with out of the office. I’m in a good rhythm with my health, exercising and eating well. I’m settling into my role in the advocacy department and establishing healthy boundaries that allow me to move away from being driven by crises.
And I’ve seen incredible, basically miraculous, growth in my support account. I’ll give you some context with my support account. Last October at this time, my support account was $-4,071.93. As of October 15, my support account is in positive territory! It is $609.68!
Even beyond the numbers, friends, new and old, near and far, have joined me in the ministry with WMF. If that’s financially or prayerfully, friends have literally surrounded me with love. There are no words to articulate how grateful I am. I celebrate having friends alongside me participating in what God is doing around the world.
If you are wondering how you can join me in my ministry, there are several different ways. First and most importantly, pray, pray, pray. Pray for our friends around the world, pray for those who serve among them (our international staff) and pray for those who serve them (our Omaha staff). Pray that we proclaim God’s hope, justice and kingdom in desperate and desolate situations. Second, I invite you to prayerfully give financially. I know that each month I ask for more monthly supporters…but it’s because I know that God has always provided and that you all have always responded generously. In order for my support account to stay in the positive, I will still need people to join me in financial, monthly support.
I invite you to take the next step in partnering with me in my ministry with WMF. If that is through being a committed prayer partner or if that’s committing to becoming a monthly, or one-time supporter, whatever the case, I would love to have you a part of this ministry. I’ve included the typical response card that can assist you in your giving and also act as a note to me letting me know how you’re supporting the ministry. I’m a lover of handwritten letters so if you include your address, I’ll definitely send some mail your way.
Thank you for being a part of my life and surrounding me with your prayers, thoughts and words.
love, jara
Friday, October 12, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
bootleg
it's bootleg internet. shh. don't tell anyone. it's officially fall in omaha. i'm wearing a throwback asbury college circa 2002 sweatshirt. and ofcourse my windows are open. i'm a sucker for fresh air.
things have been going really well in o-town. i haven't had much time to update these here blog, but hopefully things will slow down enough to where i'll be able to make this a more consistent thing.
kenley was in town this past weekend. everytime he visits i'm amazed that our time together keeps getting better and better. i love seeing him interact with my friends here and how he easily and gracefully can enter into my life. i've been learning a lot about myself lately...especially in light of others and especially in light of God's character. i think i pretend to be laid-back. when things don't go my way or when things change i grit my teeth. i'm surprised i haven't given myself tmj...actually i might have already but that's beside the point. monday evening at the airport was a challenge.
i was in line with kenley and getting ready to say goodbye. i haven't really like goodbyes in my life and for some reason i thought they'd get easier. so, we're at the airport and we find out that his flight is delayed and he can't leave until the next day.
yep, there goes my schedule and everything i had 'planned.'
kenley didn't complain once. he took it all in stride...as i'm literally doing laps in my head trying to figure out if i can still make my 5:30 am pilates class and get him to the airport by 6. the answer is no if you're wondering. i didn't even try.
but this slowed me down.
so i'm still learning.
i go to new york next weekend. i'm incredibly excited. it's definitely been a minute since i've been there and i'm looking forward to seeing my first broadway show and kenley play some football.
anyway. i think i'm in the groove now. on to writing.
hmm. yours truly, js
things have been going really well in o-town. i haven't had much time to update these here blog, but hopefully things will slow down enough to where i'll be able to make this a more consistent thing.
kenley was in town this past weekend. everytime he visits i'm amazed that our time together keeps getting better and better. i love seeing him interact with my friends here and how he easily and gracefully can enter into my life. i've been learning a lot about myself lately...especially in light of others and especially in light of God's character. i think i pretend to be laid-back. when things don't go my way or when things change i grit my teeth. i'm surprised i haven't given myself tmj...actually i might have already but that's beside the point. monday evening at the airport was a challenge.
i was in line with kenley and getting ready to say goodbye. i haven't really like goodbyes in my life and for some reason i thought they'd get easier. so, we're at the airport and we find out that his flight is delayed and he can't leave until the next day.
yep, there goes my schedule and everything i had 'planned.'
kenley didn't complain once. he took it all in stride...as i'm literally doing laps in my head trying to figure out if i can still make my 5:30 am pilates class and get him to the airport by 6. the answer is no if you're wondering. i didn't even try.
but this slowed me down.
so i'm still learning.
i go to new york next weekend. i'm incredibly excited. it's definitely been a minute since i've been there and i'm looking forward to seeing my first broadway show and kenley play some football.
anyway. i think i'm in the groove now. on to writing.
hmm. yours truly, js
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
herbie hancock
npr is one of my favorite things to listen to. and studio 360 is super duper fun. so this morning when they advertised the upcoming episode of studio 360...i jumped on it.
it's herbie hancock. it's so great.
it's herbie hancock. it's so great.
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