1 minute blog

i cussed a lot today.

while in the midst of a prayer, a selfish prayer.

i first said the d word.

and then i dropped the f bomb.

and then i prayed that God would help me get unstuck in traffic. it was icy and all my car could do was swerve around, awkwardly. there was a car behind me and my car just wouldn't budge and it was awkward, embarrassing.

and so today i prayed at the beginning of our dept's book discussion.

i thanked God for seasons and how they are cyclical and remind us of Him.

and i was thankful that in our seasons of ice, cold, stuck-ness, God is with us...He hears our cries and our prayers even when they're littered with some different, not so pleasant, words...

and as i am in the midst of a hard season, i know and sense Jesus walking with me through this...hearing even when i just have to lay out the f-bomb.

sometimes you just got to say it. :)

one song on repeat

this week our office entered into what we now know as 20.20 the qualifying round.

after 80 songs later of 'reasons' by ewf, i had the bright idea, along with marcia and chris, to have a contest.

and here enters 20.20. what's it mean? we want to see who can listen to one song the most times in a given amount of time. so. this is the qualifying round. we got to pick our own song. the only limit is that it had to be at least 3 min and 33 seconds long...and a song, not just an ocean breeze/tranquility deal. none of that.

so this morning we began listening to our song. wednesday there will be two winners. one - someone who was able to spend the most time listening to their song...and then the person who listened to their song the most times.

thursday morning...the winners will be announced and we'll have a couple of weeks to prepare for the final round. these two winners will pick to see who gets to pick the one song we all listen to march 10-march 14.

so. after that week the winner receives a smorkin labbit.

it's been interesting to see how frequently or infrequently people are going to other people's desks...or how we're trying to conduct a lot of conversations via phone, email or im...or if there's music in the background of your conversation.

we'll see how this goes.

i picked 'in my bed' by amy winehouse. i already listened to it plenty of times before this competition so i knew it would be a hit.

1:11 am. four loads of laundry. enneagram 6. and listen number 80.

i just finished all of my laundry.
four loads.

and i'm tired.

i spent the majority of my night researching and learning about the enneagram, specifically #6. that's me.

it's been an eye-opening week and weekend. and exhausting.

but good.

i was so excited to see the sun today. after hitting up the gym for an ab class and turbokick i drove my car and opened up my sunroof. i couldn't help but enjoy being able to squint because of the sun. this winter, and all omaha winters, are pretty exhausting for my soul. i'm craving the sun of spring, the newness of life and the longer days and the cool nights.

a week from today is my 27th birthday. if you're in omaha, come on down to urban wine company at 7 pm for some wine and cheese and celebration.

and i got to listen number 80 of 'reasons.' i could've easily gotten to 100 if there weren't some meetings i needed to attend and if i had the entire week. this did serve as a warmup for next week. the 20.20 competition. it's going to be on and popping.

listen number 65

i'm on listen number 65.

i realized that i need to listen to this song for another four hours to get to 100.


i could easily do it if i didn't eat lunch or lead an orientation on things advocacy.

i wonder if people would mind if i just kind of kept music playing with me wherever i went.

but. stay tuned. next week. there's a real competition going on...it'll be on and popping.

oh and happy birthday kenley!

#22

i've listened to reasons 22 times since yesterday. i'm headed towards 100. we'll see how this works though. today i have a couple of meetings so i can' treally listen to it while i'm away from my desk.

i wonder if singing it to myself counts.

reasons...

i've been dared.

today, wednesday, i told marcia how much i loved, loved, loved, loved the song 'reasons' by earth, wind & fire.

i was recently reintroduced to this song this past weekend. my dad is quite the ewf fan so i grew up with their tunes. i grew in and out of relationship with them...definitely more on the outs these days...but it was nice to become reacquainted with this song. you may know it from 'hitch' when will smith sings it while drinking some allergy medicine.

enough background information.

anyway. i've been listening to it over and over. there's this part right around 3:50 where ahmauhgoodn-ih...ahmauhgoodn-ih...i don't even have words for it. i don't.

but, so, i told marcia my love for this song and she dared me to listen to it 100 times by the end of this week.

and i took it.

there's a moment when i'm regretting it...just at the beginning of the song...but then i'm lost in the layers of this song.

i mean seriously.

so. the one thing about listening to this song over and over is that i get to hear different parts of the song every time.

i love me some music.

it's friday.

thank goodness.

i'm not sure if friday could've come quick enough. this week has beaten me up, spit me out, run me over and then laughed in my face.

i mean seriously.

monday-friday. could ya give a girl a break?

why that belly fat ain't so sexy

i'm sitting at huber saab waiting for my car's headlights to get their fix on and i'm watching tv in the little waiting room. happy valentine's day to all my people out derre. i love that my crocker said that she likes valentine's day for the not so likely reasons,she likes pink, red and hearts...and valentine's things. i will have to agree. vday has never been one of my favorite holidays. i think that in ten years we will find that hallmark was behind all major holidays, especially valentine's day and definitely the sweetest day or whatever in october.

so. anyway. as i'm browsing the internet, checking my email i came across this article on msn about belly fat. it's quite interesting.

i've listed the article in it's entirety below but i thought that i'd give a summary.

look at your belly, is it pudgier than normal? i know mine has seen better and worst days. but this article makes me want to be more deliberate about what i eat and what contributes to my buddha belly. some experts are saying that being obese is almost as deadly as smoking. ouch.

and although that being obese ain't sexy for your health, carrying fat around your belly is definitely not sexy for your health. double ouch.

i look down at my stomach (in my head) and i see my belly. i see the stretch marks that came from years of overeating and being overweight. they are faded reminders of my struggle with food...these shadows of my past will stay with me.

so we continue.
our waistlines may be a better indicator for heart attacks than our bmi.
The National Institutes of Health (NIH) have set a waist measurement cutoff point at above 35 inches for women and 40 inches for men—no matter how much you actually weigh—as an unhealthy sign of excess visceral fat, the dangerous hidden fat that surrounds vital organs deep inside your body.

it's not about being necessarily overweight...it's about the amount of visceral fat (the bad, naughty fat) thats cramping your organs on the inside. not sexy. and this goes for thin people, too.

this all comes at a good time in my journey in weight loss. steph and i were talking about my belly and she reminded me that when we're stressed a lot of times we will carry our stress in our bellies. oh snap. again, ain't nothing sexy about a stressed stomach.

so. stressed stomach. weight goes right there. and then, if i'm eating poorly, hello belly, you want to be buuh-loated? anyway. you get my point. it's all connected.

taking our pulse is important, we've got to figure out how we're feeling and make sure we're being deliberate in approaching those places in our lives with confidence...calling out things that shouldn't be...making amends with our body and getting serious about our health. i know that this journey isn't just about the numbers on the scale, it's much different than that.

i love the junk in my trunk. it's beautiful. you can't find a pair of jeans that don't like my budunk-uh-dunk. but i want to live a whole, healthy life, too. so. i'm going to take my bootyliciousness, tame my belly, grab my gear and keep trucking along on this journey.

take that visceral fat.



What Your Waistline Reveals
Use a simple tape measure to determine if your belly is helping—or hurting—your health
By the Editors of Prevention

More on this in Health & Fitness


Flat Belly Diet experts and scientists have known for years that excess body fat isn't good for you. Obesity (which means "overfat"), is considered as deadly as smoking, according to some analyses. Traditionally obesity was determined by the number on a scale or, a bit more accurately, by taking the Body Mass Index (BMI), which calculates your body size while trying to account for bone mass. If your BMI is over 30, you're considered obese.

One of the problems with the BMI, however, is that it doesn't take into account muscle mass (as a result, some athletes with low body fat and a high percentage of muscle mass would be computed as obese, when clearly they aren't).

More recently, however, studies have begun to show that while obesity isn't good, carrying excess body fat specifically around your belly is really, really bad.

In research published in the medical journal Lancet, doctors concluded that a person's waist measurement is a more accurate forecaster of heart attacks than the body mass index (BMI). The National Institutes of Health (NIH) have set a waist measurement cutoff point at above 35 inches for women and 40 inches for men—no matter how much you actually weigh—as an unhealthy sign of excess visceral fat, the dangerous hidden fat that surrounds vital organs deep inside your body.

Another measurement that is slightly more targeted to belly fat is the waist-to-hip ratio, which reflects the concentration of fat around your belly as opposed to around your hips or thighs. Analyzing data from 27,000 people in 52 countries, scientists found that heart attack sufferers had similar BMIs, but higher waist-to-hip ratios, than those who'd never had a heart attack.

Measuring Your Waist: Two Ways

The waist-to-hip ratio compares the measurement of the narrowest part of your waist to the broadest section of your hips. Your waist measurement should be taken in the spot that falls between the ribcage and the hipbone as viewed from the front.

Your hip measurement is truest if you turn sideways to the mirror and make sure you incorporate your derriere in the measurement. Now, divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement. For example, a woman with a 30-inch waist and 37-inch hips has a waist/hip ratio of 0.7.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, a healthy waist-to-hip ratio for women should not exceed 0.8.

Measuring Visceral Fat: High Tech Methods

As we understand more about visceral fat and the various chronic—even deadly—diseases it can cause, researchers are developing increasingly more accurate, and expensive, ways to measure it. The latest test (as of December 2007), is one that detects levels of a protein called RBP4 (retinol binding protein 4), which is produced in higher quantities in visceral fat compared with subcutaneous fat (the kind of fat you can see on your body when you "pinch an inch.").

In overweight people, blood levels of RBP4 are double or triple the amount compared with normal-weight people. But other tests are used, including: CT (CAT) Scan MRI Sonogram/Ultrasound DXA

The scary part is that you don't have to be overweight to have too much visceral fat inside your body, putting your health at risk. This understanding is relatively new, and describes those who are thin on the outside but have excess fat on the inside.

It's hard to imagine that one could be thin and fat at the same time, but Jimmy Bell, PhD, a professor of molecular imaging at Imperial College, London, has shown that it is possible. Dr. Bell and his team have been using MRI machines to scan nearly 800 people in an effort to produce what they call "fat maps."

His findings will surprise you: About 45 percent of the thin women and 65 percent of the slim men he tested carried excess visceral fat. Because the Flat Belly Diet is designed to help you reduce levels of dangerous belly fat, you can follow it even if you don't need to lose pounds.

...

it's been quite the week.

i'm not sure how this weekend will end.

but for now i'm listening to music that's so beautiful.

adele.

papa john's

Gulp.

That’s what I did when I looked at the empty Papa John’s box. I had literally devoured a box of breadsticks.

Hiccup.

That’s what it was. A hiccup. I’ve outlined my journey with weight watchers but haven’t really discussed a lot on the recent months. I’ve heard that if you manage to get through the holidays and winter months without gaining weight it’s almost as if you lost six pounds in the summer. I have to admit, I gained a bit these past months. I blamed it on being pmsy (which is part of it)…or not having good choice in front of me when traveling, but at the end of the day, it’s what I chose to put into my mouth.

So. I’m back. I gave up sweets for Lent. Not as another legalistic move to further regiment what I eat, but as an act of cutting myself off of something that I have depended on for comfort, excitement, companionship and celebration and opening myself up to being filled by my Creator.

I’ve had to explain myself a lot of times of why I would do a move like that, but I know that food, no matter what kind of food, has always been some type of thing to fill a void in my life. You can see it in my journals. Years ago…like almost 15 years ago, I would write in my journals about the food I ate that day. I’m not sure what I was documenting, but I do know that it was during that time in my life when my dad traveled a lot for work. Maybe at that age I couldn’t identify missing my dad, but at that age, it was easy for me to eat lots of bad food and feel really full. It was something I could control.

And we fast forward back to this week.

I threw away the empty box of breadsticks and wondered what that meant for me. I can easily point my finger at other’s when they eat bad foods, but what does it mean for me when I have a moment like this.

No, I’m not being hard on myself. I’m being realistic. We all see celebrities who are in rehab for who knows what and we pity them and maybe secretly we are thankful that we wouldn’t be there. But, you know what, my dependence on food could easily get me in a rehab treatment center.

But I’m thankful that there’s grace in the midst of all of this. Eating a box of breadsticks won’t derail me…it could get me where I want to be a little later. I may, actually I know I will have to workout harder and be more deliberate about what I eat. But that’s the choice I have to make.

I’ve never been the skinny type. If I look at a piece of bread, my face immediately retains water and somehow my stomach gains an inch. That’s just how I’ve been made. I’m not bitter. I’m just different.

I want my relationship with food to be healthy. I want my choices to reflect a sense of nurturing my soul and give me freedom. I hope you, too, can find that.

being honest

i have to be honest.

i have cramps. bad cramps.

there are a few days a month when i feel like i'm going insane. i delete friends from myspace and facebook. i get into heated discussions filled with tears. i cry myself to bed. and then i look at my calendar.

so today i was at work. it felt like i was watching my life as if it were a movie. going through the motions, slowly. keeping up, slowly.

so i came home with my weird cough. i crawled into the corner of my couch. drooled and slept. and woke up with renewed vision and energy. it was the best nap ever.

i'm afraid of the combination of the heat at work, my monthly visitor and my weird cold sucked the life out of me. i can't shake the beginning of the cold i have. not sure how to explain it. but it goes in spurts. mean spurts. maybe if someone sent me orange juice i'd be better.

but i have energy for my prayer letter. that's exciting. :)