Friendships: Near and Far

Apparently I'm known to have several friends who are long-distance friends. Some of my besties live states away and even countries and oceans away. Kenley and I were long-distance for three years. My parents live 12 hours away. 

We chat, text, email, send letters...manage to keep in touch as much as possible over technology and all. 

But I still get homesick for those friendships to be close to me. Some of these people know me better than I do. Some of these friends have known me since high school...like really really known me. And my college friends, they know when to call me out on some of my stuff. 

I treasure those friendships that are so far and appreciate the friendships that I've found in Omaha in the past five years. I think that part of my journey in health (yes, it's a journey that will keep going) is having people around you (near and far) who will be true friends to you - near and far. 

Some of the most transformative times in my life have been through the words of friends and family. They see me better than I see myself...and know when I'm not being the truest Jara. 

I hope that you have friends/family like that in your life. They are priceless. 

two months since the big chop

It's been two weeks since I cut all of my relaxed hair off of my head...now I have a little fro...but I'm not sure what to do with it right now. I'm going to spend some time this afternoon looking at different styles...any thoughts? Suggestions? :)

Disregard the photo...I just finished working out and gardening...and I'm watching a Lifetime movie.

day three...four?

I don't remember. I'm feeling more and more like myself these days! Something I've started to realize is that I don't need to count my calories every day...or mark them I mean. I'm eating a fairly clean way these days and I have found more freedom than I ever have. If you're struggling with calorie counting, read this blog, it's really good.

Day Two....exhaustion

Oopsies. I didn't eat enough before a lot of my workouts yesterday. I did my p90x workout, practice Turbo...and then taught the craziest Turbo I've taught in awhile, after every segment we did two Turbos...it was sort of a HIIT training...I came home and did my 15 minute Turbo Fire workout...

and then was really hungry.
And I ate a salad really fast.
And then I drank a lot of water.
And I didn't feel real well.
I only recovered by sitting still...taking a nap and everything...and not going to my friend's Turbo class.

I feel a lot better today though. I think that I'll probably post each day for just this first week...then I'll go weekly (I hope) until my birthday.
:)

Day One...eating and working out

This was the first day of working out...like really working out since I went on retreat...and it's also the first day of my adjusted way of eating.

How do I feel?

I'm feeling tight. When I got a massage a few weeks ago the massage therapist mentioned that my hip flexors were incredibly tight. I've noticed the tightness, too. My roundhouse kicks have been quite difficult...I skip out on stretching sometimes. And I'm just plain tight. So today I did what the program said to do...a 10 minute stretch routine on Turbo Fire. It was heavenly. I want to get more flexible...so I'd like to also attend more yoga classes.

I'm also feeling hungry. I'm not as hungry as I eat I am...heee. That was funny to me. I'm not as hungry as I think I am. I also noticed that food tasted differently today...I finally had some of the first tomatoes from our garden. Heavenly.

Will give you a report tomorrow.

peace.

Working Out + Natural Hair

I had an epiphany last week. I don't hesitate to work out, sweat or even swim.

I always made my hair appointments for Saturday afternoons...by that time I would've gotten a workout in and I would have a chance to get an individual workout on Sunday so my hair would get that initial I just got my hair done sweat/scent out. I hated how my hair would smell after a relaxer...and when I would sweat it seemed like I would run around class apologizing for the smell. No one else smelled it...I was the only person to smell it.

Since cutting my hair I've noticed that I workout in a different way. During our work conference last week I went swimming without thinking about my hair...I knew all I had to do was wash my hair...throw some product in it and let it air dry.

It just made me happy.

30 things...

Thirty things until I'm thirty....August 1 is coming up soon...and that means I'll have what 7 months until March 1? I don't do math...help!

dang. THIS IS HARD!

What do you think of my list? It's to the right...
and below :)
Design new tattoo
Get professional photos taken for birthday
Keep in touch with friends and family
Make Savings Plan
Meditate, Pray, Journal in Mornings
Not watch Fresh Prince and SBTB every morning
Participate in no spending month (August)
Plan 30th Birthday Vacation Package
Run Outside
Sign up for swimming lessons
Start and Complete P90X
Start and complete Turbo Fire
Track Meals Daily (calories/points/being full/hungry)
Write a chapter to the book I want to write about health & being a black woman

Where have I been?

Watching a lot of MTV. One of my college BFFs came into town before a work event we had to attend. We seriously might've watched 24 hours of MTV...a nice combo of the hills and the city.

Nebraska City at the Lied Lodge Center for my work's trinneal (every three years...how do I spell that?) Staff Gathering aka Work Retreat aka Conference.
Ten days.

Returned to Omaha to leave for Kansas City the same day...got into KC late...left for Nashville super early.

Nashville. Celebrate goddaughter's 4th birthday. Actually felt the most relaxed I'd felt in a long long time...something about the innocence, curiosity and joy of children!

Kansas City. Omaha.

And here I am.

A few pounds heavier, a couple of surprising zits and somehow some weird renewed sense of health...at least a direction I want to go.

This is what happens to me...all of the time...when I know my routine will be thrown off, I sort of give up...I'll try for the first few days to keep a workout and eating routine. I'd even planned and prepared for a cleanse at our retreat...but I didn't have it in me. The last day of the retreat I had an epiphany...finally. I've talked about the enneagram before...the whole I don't like to be out of control or experience bad feelings I'll just eat my feelings/emotions and take seconds epiphany.

So, two weeks off does not do a body good. I exercised as I could. I swam which I haven't done in a long time. I ran. I used the elliptical machine. I danced a TON. I also drank more than I normally do...and ate lots of food that I normally don't get to eat. And i'm seeing the results on my thighs and hips and face....

BUT.
BUT.
BUT. I'm not beating myself up. I had to correct a few people who were talking about their bodies in weird negative ways...and I had to remind myself to be gentle to myself, too.

Lives don't change with ridicule and mocking...I think lives change, even our own, when we get into a true relationship with ourselves....mind, body and soul. Let's get to know ourselves this week...

If you're interested...keep track of ways that you're learning about yourself this week...blog, tweet, facebook, email about it. Can't wait to meet you. :)

Update on life...and blog stalking.

I'm back on the blog...I just came off of a very full ten days at the Word Made Flesh Staff Gathering aka Conference aka Work Retreat. It was amazing to see our North American staff in one place...it's quite an amazing thing to be able to witness. I didn't have a lot of time to blog, but I'm back now with lots of thoughts and things to update you on.

So, first, thanks to all of those who follow my blog privately. It was fun to see who was reading my blog at our retreat aka work retreat aka conference aka fun. I had no idea that what I would write might be interesting sometimes. I do write about crazy stuff.

Second, if you didn't know this already, i'm making an announcement now. I'm officially transitioning out of WMF at the end of September. I just finished my fifth year at WMF and have felt that I was being called to something different. I am looking forward to this new season of my life. I'm really excited to see what it means for my season of wedded bliss, too. I've been so busy at work and at times so stressed I was surprised I didn't have any gray hairs...that I haven't had much to give to this really fun part of my life...newlyweddedness. I have no idea what the future holds for me right now. I'm thankful for the people in my life who have introduced me to lots of other people in the Omaha area and I'm confident that God will put me in the right place at the right time - hopefully end of August/Septemberish :).

Third, if you know anything about the Enneagram, you'll get this, if you don't, check it out. But I'm a 6...with a 7 wing. Doesn't make a ton of sense. BUT...the 7's basic fear is of being deprived and in pain...they avoid harsh emotions...

welcome the anxious 6...who wants to avoid pain and enter the emotional eater. When we were in the middle of saying goodbye to all of the staff this morning...I was sort of just observing what was happening. I told a friend that I needed to watch someone cry so I could tap into my emotions. I felt like I was watching the scene from above the clouds...but not really getting into it. This was quite the eye-opening moment for me. I found quite the funny combination of my anxiety...emotionless...trying to have fun self...I began to cry and then laugh...I was hysterical. I was crying and laughing with a friend...and then allowed my emotions to hang out with us too.

I've been trying to figure out...if I'm emotional eater than where are my emotions...then I realized that I'd been trying to hide them for quite awhile...I think they're coming out for awhile. And i'm happy about it.

I hope that you have an amazing day.

Where am I?

Well first...I've been away from my blog for a little bit. I'm at a work event for the next six days and have been here since Monday.

Yesterday I was working off of two deadlines for other things...and I almost went through an entire pack of gum. Friend and coworker and current roommate Mandy got a piece of gum...saw that it was almost over and she asked me if I had eaten it all.

Ofcourse.

When I am stressed I want to get some type of aggression out...I chew chew chew.

I did one day of the cleanse...and the next day I didn't think that I could do it. I had a headache and have had to be emotionally awake for a lot of things. I hadn't spent enough time on my own to reflect, journal or just read...and went back to my same coping mechanisms.

I am fascinated at how quickly my body goes back to the familiar. Friend and coworker Sarah Lance shared tonight about freedom and being in slavery. Like you know I have a tattoo on my wrist, freedom...

So, where am I? I'm in the midst of realizing that with freedom I need to understand what courage means. I have to look at things that I thought were safe to me and see them for what they are...just ways to deal with life rather than experience life.

I reflected a few days ago about my relationship with food...I tame my emotions (feeling and expressing emotions) with food. At times I'd rather not deal with my emotions. And at times I'd rather not have to explain my emotions. I'd rather feel my emotions with food than actually feel them.

But I want to start feeling my emotions. My emotions aren't the enemy...I'm not my enemy...but trying to pretend that I'm not an emotional person is an enemy.

If you're an emotional eater, what do you all do to express your emotions?

So i'm back on the bandwagon of eating clean...clean as possible. With my maybe PCOS I need to take myself seriously...

addiction

I just sent my friend a text message to tell him that I needed to have an intervention. I need someone to call A&E and have me on their show Intervention because OMG I didn't realize how addicted to sugar I was.

Yes, I am stressed. It's been a stressful couple of months. But I haven't let myself feel the stress until one day I was shaking so bad from a day at work and I couldn't open up a piece of candy...I was like, omg, I am an addict.

After my doctor's appointment and suggested diagnosis of PCOS and an encouragement of a significant diet...I've tried to tell myself, this is the last day I'll eat like this, tomorrow it will be.

Ouch.

Today is a new day. I ate some sugar, but I'm starting new and need to figure out what's going on with my body. I am learning that my body is not the enemy...I love my body. And it loves me. And it just wants a little TLC. omg I'm a poet.

+ ways to celebrate entering into my 30s

I've gotten a lot of advice about transitions and leaving...for hair...jobs, etc. One that has stuck out to me is to communicate that you are walking out and walking on and also that you aren't leaving but you are moving on.

I just noticed a friend's facebook album that was all about her celebrating her 20s...she got herself a photoshoot. I so want to do that.

What is something fun that you will do to celebrate moving onto your next birthday?

a diagnosis

I absolutely love my doctor. If you're in Omaha, let me know and I will recommend you a million times to Family HealthCare.

I've been feeling incredibly worn out lately. I wake up exhausted, I go through my day just as exhausted...and I can't seem to shake any weight off. This is not to be dramatic, but there were days that I was burning over 3000 a day and eating maybe 1500...and I would do that for a week. And you all know calories in calories out...3500 calories = a pound. I would have a deficit of 10,500 calories in a week...and with the math that would mean I should be losing 3 pounds a week.

But I wasn't. For the past two years I've gained and lost the same 10 pounds. Lots of rolled up fists, tears...pep talks, calories cut, exercise increased...but nothing.

The same story would show up on the scale and I would find more motivation and determination.

I thought I had hypothyroidism...but my doctor has a feeling that I probably am encountering what Crocker has mentioned in her blog, PCOS. I had some tell-tale signs of it before losing weight...but some of those signs are masked by my taking birth control every day.

So, enter what I have to do...PCOS, like what Crocker mentions in her blog, is really difficult to manage without weight loss, but PCOS makes it quite difficult to lose weight.

Now, I am encouraged to cut out sugars and starches, no bread, no rice...I will continue to get my carbs from fruits and vegetables...and I'm encouraged to exercise a little bit more. My calorie intake will lower from what it is at 1750...and my exercise will increase. Getting my weight down will help me manage PCOS...isn't that so weird that PCOS can do that to your body...gain weight yet make it hard to lose it...but if you lose it, you can shake PCOS off your back for a little bit.

Even though I was on the verge of tears in the doctor's office, I felt understood and heard...and I feel like my body and all of the inner workings of my body breathed a collective sigh of relief. I know that this won't be easy, but I'm encouraged with all of my friends and family who are working through their own health issues...

keep your head up...it inspires me to do it as well.

500th Post...

Just noticed that today is my 500th post on this blog...and what's more fitting than to repost a great blog by my mom:


Each morning, we have the opportunity to have a fresh start. As my pastor says, "We can look back, but we cannot go back." We can learn from the past, but we cannot live there... take advantage of each new day.

Fresh starts... Wanda is a dear friend who lives in Tennessee. Recently retired, Wanda has started a new business designing, making, and selling jewelry. In addition, to making jewelry, she also designs hats and is a talented seamstress. She has a vision...


In Omaha, Daphne and her best friend, Ann Marie are starting a new business. They will be making yogurt... I had a sample... I have mentioned the business in a previous post... The yogurt ...smooth...creamy... and made locally in Omaha. Young women with a vision, I wish them well. No matter the age, fresh starts are always available.

Welcome new beginnings, stay the course in your life, and finish well.

accidents move to shoulder

I saw a sign "Accidents Move to Shoulder" when driving on the interstate. It caught my attention after receiving a massage last week...I carry my stress in my shoulders.

That little phrase reminded me that a lot of times in moments of crises and times of trouble we push those moments away so we can keep going...and everyone else can keep going. We might glance to the side and notice what happened, wonder what happened....and keep moving.

I mean, of course accidents on the street should move over...but in our lives, we shouldn't discard the experiences and moments that trouble us...we shouldn't move them to our shoulders and just carry them. We should experience them and learn from them. And pay attention to them. Move those moments into your heart and experience them...don't let them get stuck on your shoulders.

freedom: thoughts on health

I have a tattoo on my left wrist...I've explained it before...my tattoo is FREEDOM in a beautiful font.

I initially wanted to get it when I got to my WW goal weight...I wanted to signify that I was finally free from this extra weight. SInce I hadn't gotten to my goal weight, I knew that I was supposed to get the tattoo...in health, there is no finish line, we're always in a journey and always looking for ways to live lives full of freedom.

I put the tattoo on my wrist because it's where there would be handcuffs...I've been chained to so many things in my life and have had to declare (and have had people tell me to declare) freedom. It is easy to go back to the same ways...and sometimes our past can keep us captive and prevent us from living in the freedom of the present.

I choose to celebrate the ways that I have found freedom...and celebrate the ways that I will continue to find freedom and declare freedom.

keep it up.

yes I do like the curl in my hair

I'm getting to know my hair more and more...it's a fascinating relationship, a fascinating and new relationship. I'm trying to put less processed items in my hair...and let it grow and grow and grow...and just drink in the nutrition that I may or may not have given it in the past years. I feel like myself more and more each day.

What are you doing in your life...what choices are you making that are making you feel more and more like yourself?

Thanks for the follows...

Mom has had more followers on her blog than I have...she actually blogs much more regularly than I do and I love love love love her blog. Thank you for following me...and if you want to read and get to know me a little bit more...and see who one of my inspirations is...check out my mom!

july 1

July has arrived. There's no slowing time down, but there is enjoying each second of the day.

Today marks eight months until my 30th birthday...244 days...i'm not counting or anything! :)

Here are some of the things that I'd like to do to celebrate my 30th day. (Nikki, how can I put my list on the side?)
I won't list out all 30 things now...I don't even know what they will be, but I think that I'd like to take a few at a time each month.

In July I would like to:
- Not watch Fresh Prince and SBTB every morning...but use my time in the morning to journal, prayer and read
- Make a savings plan
- Track my meals every day
- Write a chapter to the book I want to write about health, being a woman, and being a black woman
- Run outside

I'll be in and out of Omaha for July because of the staff gathering for WMF...so I'd like to really make sure that in the midst of a really busy few days that I'm able to still find ways to be healthy.