Where am I?

Well first...I've been away from my blog for a little bit. I'm at a work event for the next six days and have been here since Monday.

Yesterday I was working off of two deadlines for other things...and I almost went through an entire pack of gum. Friend and coworker and current roommate Mandy got a piece of gum...saw that it was almost over and she asked me if I had eaten it all.

Ofcourse.

When I am stressed I want to get some type of aggression out...I chew chew chew.

I did one day of the cleanse...and the next day I didn't think that I could do it. I had a headache and have had to be emotionally awake for a lot of things. I hadn't spent enough time on my own to reflect, journal or just read...and went back to my same coping mechanisms.

I am fascinated at how quickly my body goes back to the familiar. Friend and coworker Sarah Lance shared tonight about freedom and being in slavery. Like you know I have a tattoo on my wrist, freedom...

So, where am I? I'm in the midst of realizing that with freedom I need to understand what courage means. I have to look at things that I thought were safe to me and see them for what they are...just ways to deal with life rather than experience life.

I reflected a few days ago about my relationship with food...I tame my emotions (feeling and expressing emotions) with food. At times I'd rather not deal with my emotions. And at times I'd rather not have to explain my emotions. I'd rather feel my emotions with food than actually feel them.

But I want to start feeling my emotions. My emotions aren't the enemy...I'm not my enemy...but trying to pretend that I'm not an emotional person is an enemy.

If you're an emotional eater, what do you all do to express your emotions?

So i'm back on the bandwagon of eating clean...clean as possible. With my maybe PCOS I need to take myself seriously...