pain and healing

as a side note: a lot of my blogs are written in the wee mornings after i return from the gym. i feel like i'm able to think clearer. and i also don't write blogs all da during work. through this blog is written while i'm taking a quick breather at work.

one of my friends went into get surgery on her foot today; she has an extra bone. post surgery she can't have any weight bearing motion on her foot for six weeks. she won't have the chance to even test out her foot until almost two months after surgery. but the surgery was needed. she was having trouble walking, teaching her workout classes, etc.

so, her surgery got me thinking.

i'm struck by the imagery of surgery to remove something that is not needed. something that is actually hurting. i remember the hesitancy my friend had on having the surgery, she wasn't sure what to expect.

how often in our lives do we hesistate to remove or discard something we know is hurting us? we don't want to allow the healing power of God to minister to our pains. it seems easier to us to move forward as we always havea for the sake of moving forward. but we arent truly moving forward. we're hurting ourselves and possibly others. so then i ask do we allow the Spirit to move in us, silently at times, and work in our hearts and souls? and then how long do we sit with that healing? reflecting and being contemplative on what it means to be healed and without that pain?

i don't know. those are my thoughts today. i think that i found it captivating to consider what it means to allow the Holy Spirit to move in our hearts and minds and capture and take out what is not needed in our lives. it's allowing the Spirit to move and heal and lead us forward.

stronger

i feel stronger than i did last month and the month before. when i was waiting for our weight watchers meeting to start i glanced through my weight tracker. i looked back to when i was barely attending meetings. i looked back to when i started to go regularly even when the scale was barely moving in either direction.

this monday i squealed because i managed to lose two weeks in a row. this is the first time that i've actually loss two weeks in a row. i usually lose one week, gain a little next week, lose one week. gain a little next week. i contemplated...maybe this is just where my body wants to be. and then i looked back at my weight tracker. i can look and see what was going on in my life when i wasn't going to meetings and when i was going yet gaining.

so this evening in turbo kick, i noticed that i actually felt stronger than i did a month ago and it made me happy. i don't particularly like getting up a little earlier to go to the gym, i don't find it super convenient to eat healthy, but i know it makes me stronger.

what you put in is what you get out...it's so true.
now to bed to get my sleep.

a bit from the journey

here are some pictures from the journey. the last two are from when i hadn't started weight watchers yet. the first one is about three years since starting weight watchers....today i celebrated that even though i've gained some weight back that i haven't gained hardly anything compared to what i used to weigh. i celebrated that the things that i've learned on WW have really worked and shaped so much more than even just my eating habits....



here are some pictures from my journey with weight watchers.

this week's challenge (weight watchers)

my weight watchers leader is about to celebrate keeping some 140 pounds off for some 20 years. i can't remember the exact numbers :) but it's a huge accomplishment!

i rush to my weight watchers meeting after body attack at the gym...i change into my weigh in clothes and arrive somewhat cooled off. i wait in line and get on the scale. i'm always a little nervous about getting on the scale...what if i didn't count that food the right way. did i really exercise that much? and then i remember, it's okay whatever number is on the scale. that number can't define me. the low and high numbers could affect me, but i have to find freedom from that number, too.

i celebrate going to the meetings each week...weighing in each week no matter how i feel. staying in the meeting and listening to the victories and struggles.

this week our challenge was to eat 5 fruits and/or vegetables a day. i think that i do it, but i know that sometime i underestimate the serving sizes of fruits....even though i am a vegetarian.

so, can you take the challenge? see how you feel! and let me know!

oh blog where art thou

i think the amount of blogs i have is similar to the amount of journals i have. i have a journal about relationships. i have a daily journal about life. i have a journal for short stories. i have a journal for work. and then i have some blogs. i have this blog and another blog for wedding reflections. and then i have facebook 'notes' which i find to be just the same.

i find it hard to have a blog or journal devoted to every thing that's happening in my life. maybe that's because i'm a wordy processor who needs different platforms of reflecting. who knows.

but i feel compelled to remember what i initially made this blog for - my journey with food and understanding myself. a dear friend sent me an email from one of her friends, A. A's documenting her journey with food and asking for people's input. my blog historically documented a lot about what i was dealing with on my journey with weight watchers. what's funny is that if you look at my posts and you see those posts dwindle away, you might guess that i was struggling with food and old habits. i hit some ups and downs with things that i found stressful. i traveled to africa, returned and lost my car in a flood, welcomed both my fiance and brother to omaha, saw a lot of transition. lots of change.

i think it's fair and accurate to acknowledge the stress that those changes caused me. i think it's also fair to admit that they did derail me. i fought and struggled to get my grip towards the end of last year and then the beginning of this year i sort of saw the light. within the past few months i've actually seen the source of the light, and i think that it is freedom. freedom is forever beckoning me home. freedom from myself, from others, from food. its' a constant call and a constant journey. it is so easy to go back to our shackles and wait to be bound again.

i marked my change with a tattoo. my freedom tattoo. i adore it. it's one of my favorite tattoos. i find it fitting that it is on my wrist, where shackles could be. but really for me, i also love that it is a reminder when i'm eating. today i'm not at my goal weight, but i am moving towards it. i'm going to my weight watchers meetings every week. i'm weighing in every week...the ups and downs are there in my journey. and i feel like i'm finding myself again. i enjoy my meeting and the people who go there. and i know that they will be sweet companions on this journey. and so will my friends and family.

i realize that there are choices that we make now that affect our future. yes, it's just like the stock market. we put our money in shares and risks and hope that it pays off...but in life, we've got to put our faith and hope in something that endures and that is lasting. we put our faith and hope in God...and we can rest in God. and in the freedom that God proclaims.

so, here i am. dealing with some really big emotions head on (getting married!) and i'm choosing to be present in this times and not hiding behind what is comfortable or familiar to me (food).

so, today i challenge you to take a look at your stocks :) see what you're investing in and what you're avoiding and what you're taking as a risk...and see where you can find true freedom.

omaha trolley tours

this morning i went on another omaha trolley tour with kenley, liz and noemi. this was the third trolley tour i've been on through the durham museum. the first was the nitty gritty city tour, then one about south omaha and then today we went on the north omaha/jazz tour.

i was struck by a number of things.

24th street is in a predominantly african american community. back in the early 1900s this street was home to dreamers. the street was named ' the street of dreams. ' when people wanted to start something off, they started there and move forward. there was something about that area being an incubator of talent, inspiration and creativity. i think that there's a revolution in that area, so much energy and really good ideas are coming out of there again. some of my favorite things: love's jazz and arts center. malcolm x foundation.

the tour guide couldnt' figure out if she should say native american, indian or injun. yes, she said injun at one point. we all cringed in the back!

general crook had an interesting part in the history of advocating for the native americans in omaha.

trolleys sometimes have a hard time getting up steep hills.

florence was a territorial city before nebraska was a state. interesting.

in the 1880s the omaha population was around 30,000 and 1/3 of that represented immigrants

overall i really enjoyed the tour. we're planning on going on another one. i hope that the tour guide will be as informative as this one!

and fathers know best, too

this weekend i'm housesitting. and i've enjoyed the break. i'm thankful that my apartment is very close to my current place! so i have to stop and get my mail every other day! when i went on friday i had a sweet, sweet letter from my dad. it was a really sweet reflective letter that touched me so much! and i got a nice little bit of help a $25 giftcard. ofcourse the words meant more than the money :)

it's been so amazing this week to see how God has provided gifts through some small things! i recommended a friend to a local dentist and they sent me a giftcard for gas! i mean, seriously!

well. that's it for now.

come with me by yourselves

³⁰ The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. ³¹ Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."

i caught this verse in my journal. i've read it before and i love it. it's a good reminder and something to reflect on the rest of this week.

mothers know best

mothers know best. well, parents know best. well family members know best. i love getting mail. this evening i finally made it home around 930, exhausted and carrying way too many bags. and carrying my mail under my neck. ouch. and then i got a letter from my mom with a starbucks giftcard. it made me happy.

garden

here are some shots from our garden. we have 20 banana peppers right now...and there are more about to grow! what do we do? i don't know how to pickle them! we have our first tomato, too. and we nursed a basil plant back to health!

you know it's summer when...

i know it's summer when...

... i see the flower watering truck watering the hanging plants around dundee
... jazz on the green starts
... birds wake me up in the morning
... i head to the gym and it's sunny at 530 am
... i hear the familiar hum of my window a/c units
... i'd rather play outside than work
... i see lightning bugs !
... i get to have fresh tomatoes
... i go to the farmers market on saturdays!
... my allergies bother e a bit more than normal
... i smell summer perfumes. dolce and gabana light blue. MMMM.
... the days are long and the nights are longer. but you still have to get up in the morning early for work!

:)
good night.