kenley and i took an idea from daphne and caleb's wedding. we are going to have witnesses be a part of our wedding ceremony. i haven't asked everyone yet, but i have asked a few. i found an idea online about a unique way to ask people to be in your wedding and i took it. i decided i would handwrite a letter to each witness and then ask them to check yes or no.
scary.
when i had this idea i had already asked daphne to be a witness. and then i asked crocker on the phone. crocker said she'd like a blog of what i would write in her letter.
so. here is what i would write to crocker...and then to daphne.
crocker. i knew we would be friends. i'm so thankful that we found each other in the halls of sarah johnson and in the realms of IM world. i'm thankful that our friendship has flourished and grown in the past six years. you've walked with me through the ups and downs of life and i'm so appreciative of that. that's why of course you're one of my bffs. :) there was no question about having you in my wedding. duh. i didn't really have to ask i'm sure. you've been a support through my relationship with kenley...so many late night phone calls...and long emails. you've been there through it all. and that's why ofcourse you'll be standing next to me as my maid of honor. :) will you be one of my witnesses (check yes or no). you already said yes so there.
daphne. your joy and enthusiasm is contagious and attractive. you are a well of knowledge, wisdom and inspiration. just being around you is energizing. i love love love love just being with you. you are an amazing friend. there really isn't anyone else who has been a part of my life and my relationship with kenley like you. i remember many conversations on the back porch, various couches, in the carpool car, walks around dundee. your friendship and companionship and neighborhoodship was essential in my growth as a woman, friend, sister, daughter and girlfriend. so thanks. and please be one of my witnesses in our wedding :). you already said yes so there.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
anger and courage
each Christmas my mom gets a journal for me...and for her. they are the same and i love them. the journal allows for daily reflection and then each week you can find a picture with a quote. i found this quote by st. augustine and loved it. i ripped it out of my journal and gave it to my good friend liz for her birthday.
'hope has two beautiful daughters. their names are anger and courage; anger at the ways things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.'
'hope has two beautiful daughters. their names are anger and courage; anger at the ways things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.'
Thursday, April 23, 2009
april 23. 2009
i can't sleep. this day will go down in history in my life. i already wrote about it in my journal. i won't post this blog until tomorrow, friday, april 24.
tonight i went to kenley's house after our board meeting to hang out. i sat on his couch and we talked about our days. i went to a board meeting. he worked.
i noticed his tennis rackets on his other couch.
me: you ready to play tennis?
k: yes. i was practicing.
me: in here?
k: yes.
me: show me.
k: he gets up and shows me his fore/backhand. walks over and hands me a box.
k: i guess i can give this to you now (can't remember)
me: what is this?
k: a ring.
me: opens box. mouth drops open.
we're engaged :). in typical, beautiful and wonderful kenley fashion, he proposed with style. he even switched up the ring. i anticipated a simple gold band, but he had another idea in mind. a vintage ring. it's very kenley. it's very me.
he then eventually went back to swinging his tennis swing.
we had talked about getting engaged for quite awhile. i'm glad we did. i felt i needed to really wrap my head around it. God has taught me and continues to teach me about myself as an individual, a sister, daughter, friend and I know that God will take me to new levels in teaching me about being in a family with another.
kenley is my best friend. he's challenged me and encouraged me and championed me.
i remember when he told me he loved me. he drove up to omaha with me to help me move. we were taking out the trash and he said it was time for me to get in. i said, ugh you don't ever say anything nice to me. and he said, how about i love you.
i said, shut up, no you don't. ha.
he does. :) and i do.
tonight i went to kenley's house after our board meeting to hang out. i sat on his couch and we talked about our days. i went to a board meeting. he worked.
i noticed his tennis rackets on his other couch.
me: you ready to play tennis?
k: yes. i was practicing.
me: in here?
k: yes.
me: show me.
k: he gets up and shows me his fore/backhand. walks over and hands me a box.
k: i guess i can give this to you now (can't remember)
me: what is this?
k: a ring.
me: opens box. mouth drops open.
we're engaged :). in typical, beautiful and wonderful kenley fashion, he proposed with style. he even switched up the ring. i anticipated a simple gold band, but he had another idea in mind. a vintage ring. it's very kenley. it's very me.
he then eventually went back to swinging his tennis swing.
we had talked about getting engaged for quite awhile. i'm glad we did. i felt i needed to really wrap my head around it. God has taught me and continues to teach me about myself as an individual, a sister, daughter, friend and I know that God will take me to new levels in teaching me about being in a family with another.
kenley is my best friend. he's challenged me and encouraged me and championed me.
i remember when he told me he loved me. he drove up to omaha with me to help me move. we were taking out the trash and he said it was time for me to get in. i said, ugh you don't ever say anything nice to me. and he said, how about i love you.
i said, shut up, no you don't. ha.
he does. :) and i do.
video skype
i love skype.
i also love skyping with coworkers...who are in the same office. sometimes i just want to:
see them picking their noses
hear them talking to themselves
working
i also love skyping with coworkers...who are in the same office. sometimes i just want to:
see them picking their noses
hear them talking to themselves
working
don't rip your underwear
kenley and i were talking once and he mentioned a confrontation he had with someone...
he attributes this saying to his sister.
so our conversation.
me: so what happened.
k: well that person ripped his/her underwear with me.
me: wha?
k: that means their ass is hanging out.
me: oh.
this isn't a passive aggressive note towards anyone. bc frankly, you should and would know if you've assed out...or your ass is hanging out...especially with me. i give a typical eye roll, an obligatory no-speak grace period of a certain amount of time and an opportunity to mend your drawers with me. :)
there are other slang terms i've learned from kenley.
mean muggin': you know that eye funk you threw to that person who cut you off on dodge...or that look someone gave to you when you cut them off...three miles ago? mean muggin.
creepin: slow driving...you know...you're mean muggin' that one car on dodge that wants to go 4 mph...creepin.
ballin: fast driving.
side eye: i attribute this to my love for black celebrity gossip. one of my favorite sites has a blog dedicated to the side eye. the side eye is usually captured in a photograph. you're looking at photos of your friends at the club. it seems that one of your friends was a bit too flirty with a guy you like...and it's in the picture...and you're glaring with your eyes...side ways.
cheese. that my friend is the side eye.
baaaaaaaah.
happy almost weekend. it can't come soon enough.
he attributes this saying to his sister.
so our conversation.
me: so what happened.
k: well that person ripped his/her underwear with me.
me: wha?
k: that means their ass is hanging out.
me: oh.
this isn't a passive aggressive note towards anyone. bc frankly, you should and would know if you've assed out...or your ass is hanging out...especially with me. i give a typical eye roll, an obligatory no-speak grace period of a certain amount of time and an opportunity to mend your drawers with me. :)
there are other slang terms i've learned from kenley.
mean muggin': you know that eye funk you threw to that person who cut you off on dodge...or that look someone gave to you when you cut them off...three miles ago? mean muggin.
creepin: slow driving...you know...you're mean muggin' that one car on dodge that wants to go 4 mph...creepin.
ballin: fast driving.
side eye: i attribute this to my love for black celebrity gossip. one of my favorite sites has a blog dedicated to the side eye. the side eye is usually captured in a photograph. you're looking at photos of your friends at the club. it seems that one of your friends was a bit too flirty with a guy you like...and it's in the picture...and you're glaring with your eyes...side ways.
cheese. that my friend is the side eye.
baaaaaaaah.
happy almost weekend. it can't come soon enough.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
compartmentalize
when i was a grad asst. in memphis i remember one student explaining that she was good at compartmentalizing. i didn't completely understand what she meant...
she was in high school and i was in grad school...and she had something figured out that i didn't. shoot.
you go there. and you go there. that goes there...and that has to go over there. no you stay there. and i'll go over here.
do you ever feel that way? that if everything and everyone is in one compartment that you'll be overcome?
i sometimes feel like that. you know that one drawer in your house...mine is in my kitchen...where everything ends up in that drawer, you're not sure where that one thing goes and then the next thing...so you end up with an out of control and consuming drawer that makes your heart race?
it's okay to want to have some separation, right? is it fair to maybe consider these feelings the tensions of boundaries? i don't know.
thoughts.
i need to get ready for the bus. yesterday i ran to the bus stop and it wasn't a good look.
she was in high school and i was in grad school...and she had something figured out that i didn't. shoot.
you go there. and you go there. that goes there...and that has to go over there. no you stay there. and i'll go over here.
do you ever feel that way? that if everything and everyone is in one compartment that you'll be overcome?
i sometimes feel like that. you know that one drawer in your house...mine is in my kitchen...where everything ends up in that drawer, you're not sure where that one thing goes and then the next thing...so you end up with an out of control and consuming drawer that makes your heart race?
it's okay to want to have some separation, right? is it fair to maybe consider these feelings the tensions of boundaries? i don't know.
thoughts.
i need to get ready for the bus. yesterday i ran to the bus stop and it wasn't a good look.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
may prayer letter
May 2009
Dear friends,
Last night I couldn’t sleep. Water was dripping in my bathroom. I thought if I turned on the radio to NPR I would drown out the dripping. Instead I began to hear troubling news. I turned my radio off. I closed my bedroom door as much as I could and then I heard someone breaking apart cardboard boxes for recycling; it was past midnight.
I tossed and turned and thought about everything possible. Sleep found me around two in the morning.
I’m at work now and a bit of a zombie. I hear my body telling me to stop and rest. I also hear Daphne telling me that I’m going home for the afternoon. I might need to reread my last prayer letter. I think it was about resting in the midst of chaos…yeah, that sounds about right.
And it sounds pretty difficult. I don’t want to be in the midst of chaos anymore. To me, chaos represents no rhyme or reason, no beginning or end. To me, chaos looks like a gym full of children running around and playing an unending game of tag. And, to me, chaos feels like riding the Tea Cups at Disneyworld after eating a bag of buttered popcorn. Chaos doesn’t stop. And don’t quote me on my definition of chaos, I’m sure Webster wouldn’t approve.
So if I’m allowed, I’d like to make a Middle Year’s Resolution (it’s basically the same thing as a New Year’s Resolution, but it’s in the middle of the year). My Middle Year’s Resolution is for me to rest. I have a bad habit of always looking towards the next thing, the next vacation, the next event. And I’m not very good at just being in the present. Being in the present requires me to rest. I know I’ve talked about resting in different prayer letters and maybe even issues of The Cry, but this time my body is telling me to rest. Last month (April) I began to feel physical symptoms with my anxiety (insomnia, restless thoughts and others).
It’s time to rest. May is looking like a busy month so I need your prayers.
Daphne will be transitioning out of her role here at WMF and transitioning into her sabbatical. Please pray for our team as we consider what that means for our department and for us individually.
Also continue to pray for my financial support. My financial support has been a deep place of anxiety for me. My support account is still negative. I have seen God provide through many of you in these past months. I am thankful for the ways you have joined me in the ministry of WMF.
Pray that I rest in May. I don’t like chaos…I don’t like being in the midst of it.
Thank you for your prayers and support,
yours truly, jara
Dear friends,
Last night I couldn’t sleep. Water was dripping in my bathroom. I thought if I turned on the radio to NPR I would drown out the dripping. Instead I began to hear troubling news. I turned my radio off. I closed my bedroom door as much as I could and then I heard someone breaking apart cardboard boxes for recycling; it was past midnight.
I tossed and turned and thought about everything possible. Sleep found me around two in the morning.
I’m at work now and a bit of a zombie. I hear my body telling me to stop and rest. I also hear Daphne telling me that I’m going home for the afternoon. I might need to reread my last prayer letter. I think it was about resting in the midst of chaos…yeah, that sounds about right.
And it sounds pretty difficult. I don’t want to be in the midst of chaos anymore. To me, chaos represents no rhyme or reason, no beginning or end. To me, chaos looks like a gym full of children running around and playing an unending game of tag. And, to me, chaos feels like riding the Tea Cups at Disneyworld after eating a bag of buttered popcorn. Chaos doesn’t stop. And don’t quote me on my definition of chaos, I’m sure Webster wouldn’t approve.
So if I’m allowed, I’d like to make a Middle Year’s Resolution (it’s basically the same thing as a New Year’s Resolution, but it’s in the middle of the year). My Middle Year’s Resolution is for me to rest. I have a bad habit of always looking towards the next thing, the next vacation, the next event. And I’m not very good at just being in the present. Being in the present requires me to rest. I know I’ve talked about resting in different prayer letters and maybe even issues of The Cry, but this time my body is telling me to rest. Last month (April) I began to feel physical symptoms with my anxiety (insomnia, restless thoughts and others).
It’s time to rest. May is looking like a busy month so I need your prayers.
Daphne will be transitioning out of her role here at WMF and transitioning into her sabbatical. Please pray for our team as we consider what that means for our department and for us individually.
Also continue to pray for my financial support. My financial support has been a deep place of anxiety for me. My support account is still negative. I have seen God provide through many of you in these past months. I am thankful for the ways you have joined me in the ministry of WMF.
Pray that I rest in May. I don’t like chaos…I don’t like being in the midst of it.
Thank you for your prayers and support,
yours truly, jara
Saturday, April 18, 2009
signs of spring
here are some shots of spring.
(some tulips are from my apt and some are from ken's house)
Thursday, April 16, 2009
bathroom stories
what's more awkward.
1) pooping in a public bathroom
2) pooping in a public bathroom with another person in another stall
3) clogging the toilet up
4) asking other bathroom patron for the plunger
5) flushing the toilet 3-4 times
6) all of the above
and then…
sometimes our work bathroom door sticks…it’s nice when you don’t have time to fumble with the key to unlock the door and you can just push the door open and run to a stall.
or. it’s bad when the door is actually operating correctly and you slam your body into it assuming it’s ‘unlocked’ but it’s locked. body check.
1) pooping in a public bathroom
2) pooping in a public bathroom with another person in another stall
3) clogging the toilet up
4) asking other bathroom patron for the plunger
5) flushing the toilet 3-4 times
6) all of the above
and then…
sometimes our work bathroom door sticks…it’s nice when you don’t have time to fumble with the key to unlock the door and you can just push the door open and run to a stall.
or. it’s bad when the door is actually operating correctly and you slam your body into it assuming it’s ‘unlocked’ but it’s locked. body check.
Monday, April 13, 2009
honesty
there are sometimes a couple of days during the month when i'm just plain honest. i'm usually exhausted....and my filters are down and i just tell you how it is.
example.
at the gym. someone kept telling the instructor the proper next move. i decided it was time to tell her that it was going to be okay. i had to tell her a couple of times.
i've never been one of the PETA card carrying vegetarians. i've been a vegetarian for about 13 years. when i began my journey with being a vegetarian, it was easy enough and it just seemed natural for me.
now as an adult, i'm finding that my choices really do affect others. i think now i'd like to figure out how to honor the earth in even how i'm a vegetarian. it is really difficult.
i attended a seminar on the environment hosted by project interfaith...i was challenged and inspired to change my thinking on how we have failed to really care for the earth. there's no way that i do it well. at all.
here are things i'd like to do:
- really take my huge pile of recycling to the next recycling center even though the one at hy-vee closed
- eat proper portions and stop when full and remember those who are without
- eat food that honors the earth and my body...less processed food
- walk more, drive less (the ypc bus challenge begins on saturday)
- attend earth day omaha and see what i can do
- garden or help people garden
if you've ever considered becoming a vegetarian, i have some good books for you to read. i love a portion of MORE WITH LESS...and i love the subtitle. suggestions by mennonites on how to eat better and consume less of the world's limited food resources.
it is easy for us to get around the bandwagon of using less oil...saving more water...but you don't always see people getting around considering what our food choices mean for those around us. i know that i'm not always there either...but i'd like to be there more often.
example.
at the gym. someone kept telling the instructor the proper next move. i decided it was time to tell her that it was going to be okay. i had to tell her a couple of times.
i've never been one of the PETA card carrying vegetarians. i've been a vegetarian for about 13 years. when i began my journey with being a vegetarian, it was easy enough and it just seemed natural for me.
now as an adult, i'm finding that my choices really do affect others. i think now i'd like to figure out how to honor the earth in even how i'm a vegetarian. it is really difficult.
i attended a seminar on the environment hosted by project interfaith...i was challenged and inspired to change my thinking on how we have failed to really care for the earth. there's no way that i do it well. at all.
here are things i'd like to do:
- really take my huge pile of recycling to the next recycling center even though the one at hy-vee closed
- eat proper portions and stop when full and remember those who are without
- eat food that honors the earth and my body...less processed food
- walk more, drive less (the ypc bus challenge begins on saturday)
- attend earth day omaha and see what i can do
- garden or help people garden
if you've ever considered becoming a vegetarian, i have some good books for you to read. i love a portion of MORE WITH LESS...and i love the subtitle. suggestions by mennonites on how to eat better and consume less of the world's limited food resources.
it is easy for us to get around the bandwagon of using less oil...saving more water...but you don't always see people getting around considering what our food choices mean for those around us. i know that i'm not always there either...but i'd like to be there more often.
insomnia
i haven't had insomnia like this in quite awhile. if the gym were open i would go work out. i'm currently chatting with jason and facebooking. i also found new people to follow on twitter.
i had blips of things i forgot to do at work or things i need to do. then my mind started to race.
relaxation fail.
i had blips of things i forgot to do at work or things i need to do. then my mind started to race.
relaxation fail.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
monday monday....
TOMORROW IS MONDAY :(
where did the weekend go? i had a full and restful weekend. and i can't believe it's over.
fun memories:
- billela (spelling - marcia help me) with marcia friday morning. we're working on an underground project. well it's not so underground. we're committing to discussing issues of race and reconcilation once a week. we're not sure where's it going, but i'm looking forward to the conversations and safety that we'll have.
- a nap on friday
- lunch with kenley and his coworkers
- dinner with brianna
- lollygagging with marcia, brittany and caldwell
- gym
- gardening with annemarie
- errands with liz
- celebration phileena's confirmation into the catholic church
- st. martin of tours Easter service
- singing with the congregation choir (it's me, mar and two others)
- 'helping' as much as possible for brunch/lunch
- experiencing good cheese with blueberry lavendar jam (amazing)
- picking kenley up from the airport. seems very backwards
- celebrating phileena and michelle
- and now chilling at home
- and contemplating a very thorough spring cleaning of my apt.
where did the weekend go? i had a full and restful weekend. and i can't believe it's over.
fun memories:
- billela (spelling - marcia help me) with marcia friday morning. we're working on an underground project. well it's not so underground. we're committing to discussing issues of race and reconcilation once a week. we're not sure where's it going, but i'm looking forward to the conversations and safety that we'll have.
- a nap on friday
- lunch with kenley and his coworkers
- dinner with brianna
- lollygagging with marcia, brittany and caldwell
- gym
- gardening with annemarie
- errands with liz
- celebration phileena's confirmation into the catholic church
- st. martin of tours Easter service
- singing with the congregation choir (it's me, mar and two others)
- 'helping' as much as possible for brunch/lunch
- experiencing good cheese with blueberry lavendar jam (amazing)
- picking kenley up from the airport. seems very backwards
- celebrating phileena and michelle
- and now chilling at home
- and contemplating a very thorough spring cleaning of my apt.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
coming up for air
well i'm coming up for air. literally.
the past few weeks have been incredibly stressful. i didn't know that i was so stressed out until last week. i began having weird symptoms of stress. my stomach was constantly in a knot...and i began having difficulty breathing. as a child i would have pretty bad allergies and sometimes would be pushed into an allergy attack. i have similar episodes once a year when i have to start taking my allergy medicine. this year it was bizarre.
so the combination of work, stomach problems and difficulty breathing pushed me into having my first panic attack according to the doctor. i always felt fine when i would come home and relax or go to the gym and exercise.
i'm finally finally finally feeling like myself again.
this afternoon i'm going to continue relaxing by helping annemarie in her garden (another friend's garden blog - jenny). my mom and i used to garden when i was younger. well, my mom would garden and i would sometimes begrudgingly help her. i remember one year my friend erica eckland and i went around our neighborhood asking for extra seeds from our neighbors! and we planted our own garden...we also did plant wild onions.
so this afternoon i hope i'm relaxed and able to reflect on this holy week. this might have been one of the most memorable Lenten seasons i've reflected in. i've been challenged, learned a lot and reflected a lot.
i hope that you have a relaxing weekend and are able to enjoy being in nature, with family or by yourself reflecting.
the past few weeks have been incredibly stressful. i didn't know that i was so stressed out until last week. i began having weird symptoms of stress. my stomach was constantly in a knot...and i began having difficulty breathing. as a child i would have pretty bad allergies and sometimes would be pushed into an allergy attack. i have similar episodes once a year when i have to start taking my allergy medicine. this year it was bizarre.
so the combination of work, stomach problems and difficulty breathing pushed me into having my first panic attack according to the doctor. i always felt fine when i would come home and relax or go to the gym and exercise.
i'm finally finally finally feeling like myself again.
this afternoon i'm going to continue relaxing by helping annemarie in her garden (another friend's garden blog - jenny). my mom and i used to garden when i was younger. well, my mom would garden and i would sometimes begrudgingly help her. i remember one year my friend erica eckland and i went around our neighborhood asking for extra seeds from our neighbors! and we planted our own garden...we also did plant wild onions.
so this afternoon i hope i'm relaxed and able to reflect on this holy week. this might have been one of the most memorable Lenten seasons i've reflected in. i've been challenged, learned a lot and reflected a lot.
i hope that you have a relaxing weekend and are able to enjoy being in nature, with family or by yourself reflecting.
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