uh uh UH

that's the sound that i would make right now...imagine someone coming up for air and gasping. maybe the better description would be gasp gasp gasp :)

the day after wmf's launch.

when i drove home i finally felt the tiredness that i've been carrying since the beginning of last year.

i remember when daphne and i talked about officially moving forward in the process of deciding that we needed to consider an updated visual identity for wmf. there was a lot of anxiety but a lot of hope.

i remember the week when we decided to pick a firm. i drove to their offices to tell them in person. i remember the eye twitch i had...and the bubbly stomach. we had no idea what we were getting into. countless meetings in different offices, hundreds of emails, several phone calls, countless IMs, decisions, decisions, decisions, some tears, some frustration, lots of laughter, TUMS, glasses, and some 16 months later, we are where God has been leading us all along.

i told my friend jason that in this process he was like a midwife. he was one of the first people to encourage us to look at our visual identity. i've never gone through pregnancy or ever dare to say that i would be able to emphatize with the pain. i do think that there are lots of processes in our lives that could maybe emotionally and mentally be similar to the process of childbirth. 1. surprise - is this really happening. 2. shock - oh it is really happening. 3. uncertainity - what have we gotten ourselves into 4. ownership - alright, we got this 5. uncertainity 2 - oh crap what have we gotten ourselves into 6. ownership 2 - no turning back. 7. moving forward - hold on tight, we're going for a ride.

:)

i'm so thankful that part of this process is over. that you are able to see what we've had our eyes on for the past year or so. i really do love our new look. i'm looking forward to reflecting more later.

love. me.

ahhhhhhh

ahhhhh.

it's here.

obviously. we're killing some bugs with the new site. but enjoy.

tomorrow

wmf will have a new visual identity.

we've been on this journey for about 18 months.

i'm so ready for you to see it.

tomorrow.
monday. march. 30.

check it out at wordmadeflesh.org.

bye sign.

boys and chocolate

we're in the midst of a busy week.

i thought i had an ulcer.

i think i've had too much coffee this week.

in staff meeting this happened. we were sharing about what each dept. was doing.

our department.

“we’re mostly focused on a few things…” daph.
“chocolate and boys” jara.

we're a bit punchy.

losing myself

i'm having lunch with new people today. those first encounters with new people and friends remind me of a first date. you're not sure if your sarcasm really translated, you wonder if you have spinach in your front teeth, you hope that you don't come off as rude.

i usually worry that i ask too many questions and people's meals turn cold. i can't help but want to learn about new people. i'm fascinated. as i began to think about the questions i would ask, i then wondered what questions would i have to answer.

so on my drive home, i thought about why i love design. i sometimes say that i am a self-taught learner of design. when all i had was microsoft PAINT i would go to town....as a youngun. and then when i had a bootleg copy of photoshop, i couldn't help but twiddle around in it. there was probably a moment when i should have changed degrees and officially went into some type of media communications, but i decided that journalism seemed like a good fit. i'm nosy and i don't mind asking a lot of questions. i don't think that i am particularly good or profound writer, but i can write well enough. so on a many of projects, i would usually give enough attention to the writing, but i would prefer to figure out the design and layout of my piece.

this happened throughout my undergrad and grad studies probably to a fault. i doodled because i saw and heard designs. i closed my eyes when i listened to music because it seemed to come to life. i enjoyed visiting museums and gardens for the sake of being around beauty.

and one summer i noticed i began to lose myself...not in a good way. i was working two jobs (one retail and one PR) and gearing up for school. i didn't see where i was going to or how i was supposed to find more time to develop or nurture the creative part of me. i didn't seem like myself. i actually seemed more unfamiliar to myself than i've ever experienced before. and at the advice of a friend, i just began to fiddle around with designing again. i don't think that i came up with anything actually that good, but i lost myself in something that fed my soul.

i tried to figure out how to articulate why it feels good to design. i thought about it during this morning's pilates class, i thought about it as i ran inside my apartment (you never know who is lurking around this early in the morning) and i figured it out.

i claim to hate math, but there's something magically mathematical about design (other than the obvious things). you know how you feel when you finish a math problem, balance a budget, reconcile a statement...that sense of relief and release. that's how i feel when i design and finish something. it's an emotional yet logical sense of relief. a moment when reason and feelings rest in a color, word or photo. it doesn't get any better than that.

and when i don't...i feel like i'm in a perpetual place of tension.

i would compare it to a chick hatching (bri and marcia and i had a good conversation about chicks hatching). the chick can see the light, hear the noises and smell the life outside the shell...but it has to keep chipping away, little by little, to actually get out and fly. such freedom. something is always trying to break free, be told, be shared...and i want to sit with the story, the person, the color, the music, and let it free.

i love that i have that opportunity at word made flesh. i enjoy what my role means in advocacy. we're in the midst of a really busy redesign and i can tell that i'm losing myself a bit...in a bad way. and i think probably in a necessary way. and when i say losing myself i think i mean that i'm losing an important part of who i am because of circumstances beyond my control. it's the unhealthy sense of losing myself.

my right and left brain are competing for my attention in a weird game of musical chairs. when the music stops, i'm never sure what side will win. i really hate musical chairs :)

in the meantime, i'm trying to take more photos (i need to get some printed for display). i'm asking my design friends a lot of questions (i am desperate to learn - if you enjoy teaching someone all you know about design, let me know). i'm trying to practice good creative rhythms. hopefully this will be an inspiring season for me.

i think it's probably a good thing that i wrote my response to hypothetical questions here because someone could accuse me of talking too much.

:)

sicky sicky

i hate being sick.

i have this weird 24-48 hour bug. i think i have an allergy to a certain type of alcohol. i had a sip of jason's drink on saturday...a sip....and i was sick all day sunday and today. :(

i've sat at home and watched tv. taken naps. mandy visited and dropped off three bottles of propel and one bottle of vitamin water. she's very sweet. she sat and talked to me for awhile.

i'm sad i'm missing the creighton v. kentucky game :(. dad, jonathan and kenley are going. i was so excited to go! i'll trust that they will have fun. too bad i can't be there!

besties, birthdays and airports

tonight we celebrated liz' birthday! i <3 birthdays so much. i'm having liz over for dinner tomorrow night. her birthday gift is sitting on my floor in several different piles. i need to put it together tomorrow afternoon...maybe after a nap.

jason leaves tomorrow morning. he's one of my bffs. i'm taking him to the airport in about five hours.

i absolutely hate airports. they are incredibly emotionally charged. i can't stand them. tomorrow i'll probably cry a little bit. it was a really good visit...i have to focus on the good things.

my dad comes in on monday. that will be fun, too. we're all going to the creighton v. kentucky game. i'm looking forward to spending time with my dad!

memories

one of my bffs from college is in town helping us in the office. jason parmer! his visit was perfect and has been life giving and energizing. i am a little nervous to know how we'll do this without him.

this week i've learned that:
1. i'm emphathetic in a weird way. when you're having a bad day, i carry it with me for awhile. you get anxious, i get anxious. you cry, i'll cry. i don't do this in front of you, usually, but i do it while straightening my hair, washing my dishes, running. it can be a little exhausting. i'm not sure how to do it well.

2. i blocked out a lot of memories in life. when jason and i were talking about college, i couldn't remember certain stories. it felt like he was telling me about a movie that i had seen but couldn't remember. just weird.

less than a dollar a day

when times get tough, it's interesting to see how people respond. we can get very egocentric....or we can get maybe a bit more community, globally minded.

i saw this link off of sarah's blog...which was off of faye's blog.


the economy is affecting everyone, but it's really affecting those who are and have been struggling. i've been trying to read the news each morning...well, i start with bbc...then visit cnn and then some blogs. anyway, on the bbc they were covering the economy and how the global economy will shrink this year...the first global contraction in 60 years.

so as we talk bailout, AIG, tax refund, simplicity and community, i hope we keep those around the world close to our hearts. this link (the global rich list) can put things in perspective. according to the website, the people who run it remind us that we're obsessed with wealth...i think that it's an accurate picture. in this economic crisis, we see how attached and dependent we are on wealth and money and not on people or community. the financial crisis is the top news on all channels - radio, internet, tv. it's in conversations. it's everywhere. but you know what, the fact that i'm blogging, using the internet, using a laptop, about to take a warm shower...means that i'm okay. and the fact that you're reading this somewhere on the internet, reading this with maybe some glasses, contacts of lasik-ed eyes...means that you're okay. we actually represent a minority in the global picture, but sometimes we don't act like it. we complain, get anxious and get worried....but....we're okay. there are many of our brothers and sisters who are struggling.

i don't have any answers. just lots of questions and prayers. Lord have mercy.

nicknames

i have some endearing nicknames. the door is open here in the office, i can hear outside and i have a strong case of spring fever. we're about to enter in to a busy couple of weeks so i'm taking a moment out to reflect on nicknames.

some of my favorites for jara.

baby girl - mom and dad both call me that. can't get any better than that.
sweet pea - mostly my mom calls me that. makes my heart happy.
jerry - liz calls me that. she enjoys nicknaming people as much as i do.
ajar - high school. not funny.
j - easy for those who have a hard time with the concept of JARA like SARA but with a J.
jar/jer - most people have referred to me as that at some point.
jara renee - kenley calls me that sometimes. it's funny.
baby - another kenley favorite. i like jara renee more only because it confuses people.

i have nicknames for other people, too.

brent- brenty boy. i didn't create that though. there's another one that he doesn't like as much. i won't put it on the internet.
marisia, mar, mar-see-uh = marcia. love her.
marndy = mandy. i'm not sure why i decided to add an R to her name. it's funny.
darine = daphne. T9 doesn't recognize daphne on my phone. so darine.
cable = caleb.
jonnybobo=jonathan. why not. it's cute. he's my little brother.
kentsley, k-dub, k, baby, ken = kenley. unique name, unique nicknames.
meems, mimi = noemi.
legz, nearman = jessica.
lizard = liz.

that's it for now.
closing time.

a moment

enjoy.

saturn

i was reading an article about GM cutting out different brands in order for GM to survive.

one of the brands they are considering cutting is the Saturn brand. we all know, times are tough, it isn't a surprise that Saturn came up on the cutting block.

i read the article and i got really sad.

most of you know that my family moved to tennessee when i was in second grade. my dad worked for GM for several years and he had the opportunity to work with a brand that was completely new, Saturn.

as a second grader, i wasn't completely sure what all of that entailed, but i was excited.

we packed our bags and moved from rochester hills, michigan, to franklin, tennessee.

saturn. a whole new car, with a whole new message. i anticipated seeing the new cars on the road. and as soon as i saw saturns, i began to count them. i remember my dad saying that i was probably counting the same one. it didn't matter. i was just so excited to see this new car.

i really believed in saturn. saturn provided my dad and several of his friends good, steady jobs in a good work environment. i loved visiting the plant with my dad and i loved the cafeteria. it just seemed cool.

when my dad retired from saturn, i think it was bittersweet. he was able to start a new job, but he was leaving something that was really important to him. i think he was there from the beginning. my parents moved to kentucky and my dad works with a different company.

but saturn is still with us. my mom reflected on turning her Saturn in before she received a different car. we know the people who had their hands in different parts of the process of making that car. it was a part of our lives for so many years.

so when i read that article today about GM considering letting Saturn go, i was sad. the economy has been sad for a lot of us. we know people who have lost their jobs, we know people who are searching for jobs...who are struggling to pay bills.

at the same time i was hopeful. Saturn is trying to see what creative things they can do to survive. i mean, that's what happens. when we are pushed against a wall...we have to figure out ways how to work together, come together and learn.

anyway just some thoughts.

saturdays

ahhhh. saturday.

i have to admit as of late i live for the weekends. i enjoy my saturday routine. weight watchers, body pump or running, abs class and then turbo kick. and then my afternoon.

today noemi and i went to migun massage therapy for what we thought was a short informational meeting, free food and a free massage. it ended up being a 2-hour event...and an hour and some change of a sales pitch. the combination of empty stomachs and sore muscles, sitting still for over an hour wasn't a good idea. the massage was pretty nice..it was this table thingy, hard to explain, but the background noise made it not so relaxing. so you're basically on a bed, on your back...in the middle of a room with other beds and just people. so we heard all of the conversations behind us while we were trying to relax.

it was a funny experience. we both decided that we are on a reality show: the adventures of noemi and jara. we couldn't make this stuff up.

i enjoyed being out driving on the road and enjoying the good weather. i'm now waiting for liz. she's bringing dinner over for us. i'm looking forward to seeing what she vegetarianized for us for dinner. :)

i've appreciated her new friendship. i'm still trying to figure out how to honor my friendships that have been long-standing and have made my life sustainable...while also nurturing new friendships. i think that's been a struggle of my life. and probably something that comes along with being a 6.

i have to remind myself. it will be okay.

this was a random blog. i haven't blogged in awhile. i want to try to do that more soon.

keep me to my word.

3 weeks. 3 weeks. 3 weeks.

until i get to show the world what we've been working on here at wmf.

we're so excited for our new visual identity. i hope you are, too.

until then, pray for us, we're working hard!

love. me

multiculturalism

this past sunday, chris shared at our beggars society. we'll post the video shortly.

this is part of a prayer that daphne led us in. i thought it was really beautiful.

Jericho Road by Martin Luther King Jr.

A true revolution of values will soon cause us to question the fairness and justice of many of our past and present policies. We are called to play the Good Samaritan on life's road side, but that will be only an initial act. One day we must come to see that the whole Jericho road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed as they make their journey on life's highway. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it is not haphazard and superficial. Compassion sees that an edifice that produces beggars needs restructuring. A true revolution of values will soon look uneasily on the glaring contrast of poverty and wealth.

peace

i stole this from liz' prayer letter.


Last week as I was folding and mailing our staff’s W-2s I kept thinking about quickly finishing so
that I could move on to the next urgent, pressing task. Then I realized that I’d never thrive trying
to be Martha until I have time to be Mary. All of life feels like urgent, pressing tasks. It seems like everything needs to be done now, especially when it comes to finances. This urgency makes me wonder what would have happened to the party if Martha would have been hanging out with Jesus like Mary, instead of getting the food around for a meal? Maybe it’s not about sitting down with Jesus or working in the kitchen, but finding I stopped my frenzied folding.

I took a deep breath and I invited Jesus into the kitchen with me. If I could go back to that scene in Luke I can easily imagine Jesus sitting in the kitchen helping Martha cut the vegetables if she would have asked him. I decided to enjoy my moments folding and mailing the W-2s. As I
folded I prayed for each staff member. I prayed for all their needs to be met. Some of them have
low support accounts, I prayed for their financial needs. Some may be lonely or missing family, I
prayed for emotional needs. I took deep, long breaths and I was really aware of the presence of
Christ with me in those moments and a sense of peace from the rushing and frenzied activity.
I think that being peaceful in the midst of frenzied activity is so much more difficult this
year with anxieties about the economy.

joy

i'm really happy today.
i guess i'm joyful today.
i'm really joyful.
and i'm hopeful.

i'm not completely sure why. but i imagine that people are praying for me. i love that feeling when you know that someone must have just prayed for you.

i get stressed out a lot about most things. if you've thought about something stressful today, i bet i already thought of it. for instance, this morning when going to my car to the gym, i saw a raccoon, i was sure it was going to attack me. and today i've thought about the ways that i would outrun it. seriously.

but i will write what i'm thankful about.

- i'm thankful liz has a work journal. because i stole the idea. i keep a journal with me. brent gave us journals at his going away dinner. so i decided i would keep that gift with me as i traveled around. it's allowed me to complain, celebrate, reflect and write as i need to throughout the day. i have a daily journal at home and other ones scattered around, but this one stays with me and i've enjoyed it.
- the weather. it's so beautiful today. i'll enjoy it for a bit today.
- my brother's birthday is today. ken and i are going to take him out to dinner and give him his bday gift. i love birthdays.
- sarah landreth's birthday party is saturday! and so is mine! sarah will be one! she's a bit younger than me.
- two people have offered different free items for jonathan's apartment. mattress/box spring and a desk.
- i'm going to an after-party after work with liz. i'm looking forward to mingling with strangers for a moment.
- i had a really good meeting with daphne this afternoon.
- i'm glad people are back from the field forum. it was lonely without them
- i am thankful for the food i had today. there are people without food today.
- blog commetns from brent in bolivia. so many Bs.
- my gym friends. they are always fun.
- introducing noemi to sushi tomorrow.
- caleb's art opening tomorrow! i love art!
- jason visiting omaha to help us with the redesign! yeah!
- red shoes. i'm wearing red shoes. they make me happy.
- and i'm not wearing a winter jacket.
yeah.

mahogany cards

target has its own brand of mahogany cards. their brand is called EBONY.

i usually get a kick out of the messages on mahogany cards. they are geared towards african americans and are: 1) very poetic, 2) inspirational 3) too poetic and/or 4) too inspirational.

kenley and i were looking for a birthday card for my brother and came to the conclusion that the ebony brand is a little too much.

on the outside:
brother, on your birthday, it's all good...

on the inside:
just keep doing your thing, and handling your business.

you know how we do.

happy birthday.


reaaaaaally.

birth days

i was born at 12:31 am march 1, 1981.

and my dear friends, the brandts, welcomed their newest child at 12:14 am march 1, 2009.

i was able to sit in on their labor and observe a new life entering the world. and i even held the baby...and the baby was less than an hour old.

i will let the brandts announce all the baby details! stay tuned!