i'm back. sorta.

i got married six days ago. i haven't had a real good moment to stop and think about what has occurred in my life. i had to attend a board meeting in my boss's place while she's on sabbatical so i came back to work on wednesday. yes, wednesday after getting married. i am counting down the days until i finally have a vacation. we're heading to miami on sunday. and all i want to do is sleep. i moved from my apt. sept 19 and haven't had my own place since then. i've been pretty nomadic and have lived in some homes of some gracious friends. i'm exhausted though. i would have never imagined my first week of marriage to be full of work and stress. i also didn't thikn i could ever eat so much leftover wedding cake. i think i'm full of wedding cake for the next year though. definitely done eating wedding cake :).

the cleanse was really great. i think that i will adopt some similar things when i get back from miami. i've been a vegetarian for 14 years...during all of those years i went on vacations with the family. we went to the east coast often and i'd always order something lame. baked potato. and then my family would enjoy some amazing seafood. so next week i'll enjoy some seafood to celebrate. i'll enjoy working out in a different area. i'll practice body attack and turbo kick (which i now regularly teach at the Y on wednesdays and saturdays).

when i return i think that i will officially cut out cheese and alcohol. i will seriously limit the amount of sugar and caffeine i have as well. i didn't realize how messed up i felt when i ate those things until i added them all back at the same time. whoops. i really understand why people are vegans on a conservation level, but also from a health level, too. so, i'll be back to blogging after the honeymoon.

the end of the cleanse.

i haven't broken the cleanse yet, but i've officially made it 21 days. in these days i've learned that i am really lactose intolerant. i haven't felt this good in a long time. i introduced so much dairy into my system at various times that no wonder i felt sick all of the time. i've learned to fill up on good and healthy food. those foods tend to be more filling.

i went into this cleanse to find clarity and peace i think. yeah i think that's about right. and i think that i was able to find those very things. i feel much more like myself these days. when i work out, i feel energized and fueled. i'm not guilt-working out because of something i ate. and i'm not regretting something i ate that makes my stomach hurt. i'm working out because i just have the energy.

what i'd like to incorporate more into my normal routine is the cleanse's emphasis on eating non-processed food, eating whole grains and lots of veggies. here's to the next part of my journey.

a week away

i've enjoyed celebrating our engagement these days. i can't believe that we're just a week away from the wedding. seriously. one week. i've cherished the cleanse and what i've learned on it so far. i feel like i can taste and experience emotions in a new way. my anxiety hasn't been hidden behind food. my joy has been fuller without the attachment of food/drinks. i don't think that i food with celebration is bad. and i don't think that food is the enemy. i feel like i'm in a newer relationship with food and it's a safe relationship. and i'm really enjoying the freedom with food now. it doesn't own me. and it's much more comfortable. and i feel like myself. it's been appropriate timing in learning about full health in a pretty busy season of life. and full health is worth it. so thankful today. looking forward to moving in this journey as a married woman, too.

cleanse. on last week.

i had no idea how much better i would feel after this cleanse. i do miss the familiarity of certain products but for now i'm happy.

i've enjoyed really good and simple food.

i told marcia that i loved plain oatmeal. it's very comforting to me. don't get me wrong, i could go for some full blown sugared out brown sugar and cinnamon oatmeal, but i do love me some plain plain plain oatmeal. it's simple, it's just food. the whole purpose is that it gives fuel to my body. no bells or whistles. i likened it to how a horse eats oats.

anyway. i feel like my tastebuds have come alive with some of the simpliest things in life.

cleanse

sorry my posts have been so cleanse-y orientated. i really haven't felt this good in a long time...especially in my digestive area. i decided to skip out on going to weight watchers until after the wedding and especially during the cleanse. so many times i've done these types of things to lose weight...that my friend can turn into a frightening evil and distant cousin of healthy eating - an out of control eating obsession and sometimes even an eating disorder. i didn't go on the cleanse intending to lose weight. i mainly went on the cleanse because i saw how stressed i had been in the past year and how that directly impacted my food intake. fortunately i work out enough not to put on the pounds fast, but my workouts didn't curb my stress eating. i've noticed i can feel the stress in a different way these days. i also feel like i can experience my emotions in a different way, they almost feel tangible. it's hard to explain. and i'm not sure if i even should. it has to be experienced by only one person, me...and maybe one day you.

we all have our coping mechanisms. we don't want to face the things that are painful or scary about ourselves. it's easier to hide them behind food, entertainment, mindless chatter, books. but when we face ourselves it is scary, but it is okay. we sometimes have to learn to recognize ourselves again as God created us...beloved despite ourselves.

favorite chili recipe

go back and check it out.

day 7/21

i'm fighting a cold of some sort.

but. on a positive note i am learning that i really am lactose intolerant. this week without dairy has been amazzzzzzzzzzing. i feel a ton better. i really miss cheese though.

hm. but i feel better and that beats cheese. shoot.

day 5/21

today is the fifth day of the cleanse. we're on a retreat and it's quite hard to eat vegan here...almost impossible. my meals have consisted of salads with some sunflower seeds...and then some type of probably not vegetarian food like potatoes with questionable toppings.

it's hard to explain. but in these past 5 days i feel like i've been able to get in touch with myself. and i am recognizing parts of me again .it's refreshing. and kind of funny when i look at things and crave them just because i can't have them. i wanted ribs. i haven't had ribs in a long time. i just wanted them. and then i wanted to have something sweet just because. we're so conditioned to respond to times of emotional highs and lows by feeding them with something...if that's food or alcohol or other things.

just little things.

3/21

i'm feeling a bit more tired than usual. i can't figure out wher ei can attribute that. but what i do know is that i really miss drinking other drinks than hot tea and water. this morning i wanted lemonade.

we're at a retreat center that has amazing food especially for meat eaters. my challenge has been to find enough variety of food that is filling. we'll see how today goes!