goodbyes

i don't prefer goodbyes. some people say...it's not goodbye, it's see you later.

that's bologna. and i'm a vegetarian so i'm not eating it at all.

tomorrow (friday) is brent's last day. brent is one of my dearest friends in omaha. he was a surprising friend. steph told me that he was an extreme introvert.

extreme introvert? game on.

we talked over meals, video games, movies, books. we had heated discussions about friendships, introversion, extroversion, directions, lisa's radial cafe vs. 11worth cafe. we laughed a lot. shared inside jokes. traveled. he convinced me not to give up.

he's been encouraging and inspiring.
brent lives his life with such integrity. i have deep respect for him.

there are so many memories i have of brent...i'll start with just a few. i'm sure i'll break out some more tomorrow.

- traveling to sri lanka together. we had a layover in hong kong. i was cranky and tired. and irritable. and couldn't be helped. hong kong was rainy and our traveling companions wanted to take a walking tour of the city. i didn't want to but we did. brent bought me a simple blue umbrella. i still have it. brent has a gentle way of diffusing situations, knowing exactly what people need.

- on that same trip we had a stopover in bangkok. during this stop, the flight attendants had to check passengers against luggage. we were both sleeping, but i somehow got woken up by their voices. they tried to wake brent up, but it wasn't working. with morning voice, i grumbled BRENT. my voice traveled two rows and immediately woke brent from his slumber. he identified his luggage.

- hearing some of his famous stories for the first time. immediately after hearing it for the first time i would ask him to repeat. he would.

- in high school i perfected the pouty lip quiver. i'm not sure what inspired it, but it is brent's kryptonite. there have been many times when i've convinced brent to let the office get icecream or to send me my support update...and all i've had to do is break it out. brent has a soft heart and sensitive spirit. i will miss that.

- i sometimes play video games. that was one of the things that i knew i could connect on with brent. my brother and i would spend hours figuring out how to finish video games. i spoke the lingo. so. brent became my video game partner. tony hawk. halo. rollercoaster tycoon. you name it.

- cooking. for awhile i tried to help brent eat healthier. he would buy the groceries and i'd make a meal and take it to work for him. that didn't last long. i did make pizza and lasagna.

moments of laughter

this week has been long. you can feel the weight of sadness around the office. brent's last day is tomorrow. it hasn't completely hit me yet. i had a breakdown last week. i won't go into the details but imagine a lot of tears.

so i'm tired. we're all tired. and a little scattered.

but today some things made me laugh.

- marcia's conversation with herself. she thought she was talking with mandy. mandy has noise-canceling headphones. you know how that ended.

- hearing marcia laugh and realize that she was talking to herself.

- my daily confessional with mandy. i like her a lot. i think we're more alike than we know.

- daphne's blog. short and sweet. i like reading my friends' blogs during the day. it gives me a good smile.

i love my department.

i'm sometimes a J

i won't get into the details of what it means to be a J or P on the myers-briggs test, but i will tell you why sometimes im a J.

i sometimes have the insatiable urge for everyone to know the rules and follow them. but at the same time i don't want any rules. but then again i get anxious when i think about world without rules.
i've never had a ticket. ever. well i had one parking ticket while parked at a university, but i got it dismissed. so today i'm working out of the office and parked somewhere that is for 2 hours of free parking. i watched the clock and at four i went out and moved my car one spot forward. i couldnt' bear to think i could get a ticket.

i have a lot of other J tendencies. i'm sure i will get into them later.

but now i need to work.

magazines

i love reading magazines. when i was a kid, i loved getting the magazine highlights. i loved looking through catalogs. i loved reading 'readers digest.' i particularly enjoyed reading the funny blurbs they had at the end of stories and the sections dedicated to funny stories. what could get any better.

as i grew up, i continued to read reader's digest and other magazines. in graduate school i decided to subscribe to my favorite magazines. my friend crocker found a great deal. i can't remember the name of it, university magazines or something. well, we were able to get some ridiculous number of magazines for some crazy amount. i venture to guess we were able to get 10 magazines for $20/year. yes $20/year. it seemed fishy, but it actually worked.

i remember getting overwhelmed by the amount of magazines i would received. rolling stone, seventeen, people (which comes out weekly) and many other magazines.

when i moved from memphis i had trash bags FULL of magazines that i just couldn't take with me.

so now almost four years after moving to omaha, i have subscriptions to some of my favorite magazines. gracious friends have gifted me some and i've redeemed miles for some.

- essence
- real simple
- cooking light
- women's health
- self
- the economist
- entertainment weekly
- paste

this week i realized that my list includes two magazines that are WEEKLY. one, entertainment weekly and the other, the economist! i'm losing a game of catch up very quickly. i've offered to give friends some of my magazines that i can't read or i've already read. i'm not sure what i was thinking. i have a huge pile of magazines and books. i should be a librarian.

to slow down the time

I'm up in the woods
I'm down on my mind
I'm building a still
to slow down the time

- bon iver. woods.

slow down, time. just for a minute. i want to look around and soak it in. but you're persistent.
this song makes me want to cry.

at last...

i'm a sentimental person. i get chills. i cry. i get emotional.

yesterday - what a day. i was privileged to sit with my coworkers and friends and watch the inauguration of president obama...wow i just wrote that!

there were a lot of emotions surrounding that day and our country's new season. i'm excited that people are hopeful and dusting themselves off. it's a new day. i could feel hope and change. and reality. obama isn't the messiah. we trust God to take care of us and guide us. my friend crocker had a great post about it.

one of my favorite parts of the day was celebrating at don and millie's with friends. ken and i talked about wanting to celebrate with friends. then the conversation got spread to others. and we decided...why not just go to don and millies and celebrate with friends, .99 margaritas, cheese fries and burgers. and that's what we did. i stayed about three hours. and others longer.

fun memories:

• 'cheering' with my drink and finley's drink
• seeing clive and his fun 'my mom loves obama' bib
• hanging with the nehers, hilary, beth, brittany, liz, lora, wendy, marcia, mimi, jessica, kenley, jonathan, brent and e'ryone else! and meeting richard?? is that his name??
• talking about who cried, what they thought about the speech
• remembering the poet who read her poem a little awkwardly
• aretha's bow/hat
• watching the obamas' first dance (that was beautiful, gave me the chills!)
• watching the other celebrating people at another table decide to turn the tv up reaaaaaaaaaaaally loud
• and then talking really loudly
  
• hanging with friends from different circles
• hearing second-hand about kenley's speech
• laughing
• .99 margaritas
• and being

what a day! what a day!

arm wrestling

one of the things i have to work on is spontaneity. so i spontaneously challenged marcia to an arm wrestling event. and then passed it onto the department. it helps with energy. i feel better now. weird, i know.

here are the current standings.

right hand:
daphne (won vs. mandy)
jara (won vs. marcia)
mandy (lost vs. daphne)
marcia (lost vs. jara)

next: jara v. daphne and marcia v. mandy

left hand:
daphne (won vs. mandy)
marcia (won vs. jara)
mandy (lost vs. daphne)
jara (lost vs. marcia)

next: daphne v. marcia and mandy v. jara

best line from the afternoon: daphne to mandy - you're not trying.

LOST, sleepovers and pjs

liz and i decided that we needed to watch lost: first season. so i borrowed the dvds from chris and invited liz over for a sleepover. we don't work today (monday).

so. to begin the evening, we started to enneagram some characters. then we started to place ourselves into the plot.

on reflecting about our responses to being on an island:
jara: i think that i would go into a sleep depression. i would just sleep away the stress.
liz: i would take responsibility.
jara: what's a 6 disinegrate to?
liz: a nine. a sleep depression.
jara: wow.

we almost watched the first two discs. then we went to bed.

and i had a funny dream.

i had a dream that brent was giving his farewell speech.
this was the speech:
(from the nelson mandela's speech - that's actually the speech by marianne williamson)
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

that was the end of his speech. pretty profound. ;).

i'm sad for brent's departure but excited for his next step into his life.

so now we're watching LOST again. i don't think that we'll get through 19 hours of LOST. but it's worth trying :)

today i am thankful for...

- flex time
- sunny afternoons
- first lunch at barley's
- first visit at alley-poyner-macchietto
- first lunch with gym friends (marty and jenny! fun!)
- hanging at goldberg's in a few hours
- brunch with the a-team
- tears and laughter
- late night tea
- my creamy caramel and cinnamon bun candles i got for christmas
- my little christmas tree that i still have up
- a day to rest
- catching up on dishes
- impromptu hanging out at the joslyn
- seeing kenley and wendy in the middle of the day
- mexican food with mimi
- letters in the mail
- endearing to-do lists of friends
- caleb's life - tomorrow is his birthday
- naps
- real simple surprise gift subscription
- magazines
- YMCA middle stalls
- taco bell fresco menu
- IMing with stephanie
- reflecting
- reading
- celebrating rachelle's departure to spain
- celebrating brent's service to the wmf community
- warm apartments
- ability to see, hear, touch, feel, taste
- dance parties
- lost marathons
- movies
- friends
- family
- warmer weather.

what really happened: WMF Ultimate Estrogen Fighter Championship

Some of you may be wondering how exactly did some people do so poorly in the 2008 WMF Ultimate Estrogen Fighter Championships. I thought I would give you some of the back story and commentary. Let’s say it’s a Behind The Fighting Series.

The A-Team (Daphne, Mandy, Jara and Marcia) spend their days working tirelessly on all things advocacy. They take a break every two hours to train. They do countless pushups, sit ups and shadow boxing. Every other week they have a pull up contest. The record is held by Mandy, she is currently doing approximately 200 pull ups. It is pretty impressive. The A-Team had a pretty decent showing in the last Fighter Championship, but they felt that they wanted to really blow everyone out of the water.

Little did they know that Michelle, the receptionist, was working on her mental game. She knew that she could sneak through much of the competition, after all, part of fighting is mental. She would innocently come up stairs to “deliver our response cards” always wishing that she would happen upon the A-Team’s intense training. She never did. The team was always at their computers. “What speed, what stealth,” she thought.

Michelle would tell Cesia to check on the A-Team as well. So Cesia sometimes would come upstairs and give us returned mail. Again, the A-Team would be working at their computers. Thwarted again. So, each member of the Administration Team would come up to the Advocacy Annex to see their secret training plans. Paul would deliver mail. Brent would deliver news. Liz would check to see if she could get a ride home. Even a volunteer (Esther Knicely) would sit at the table and “listen to music and stuff envelopes” and see if she could see any movement or sign of training. Sometimes out of office staff (Kat) would just call to see what the Advocacy Team was doing. And some other advisory staff members (Elizabeth Day), would only meet with Daphne once a month because they were that good. But the Advocacy Annex knew, that no one could find out their secret. Daphne would take the team out a couple of times a month to ‘check up on the team.’ Many times this would include hour long sessions at the Y. Some people had to “call in sick” to just recover. Colds to stomach viruses, the team had it all.

As time went on, the training picked up, but so did the competition. The Community Care Center takes three days at the beginning of the year to “check in.” There are reports that they went to a secret boot camp for intense training followed by times of rest and reflection. Again, these are just reports. You had to remember that even though Phileena and Amanda are a bit on the shorter side, they are quick on their feet. You can never underestimate their agility and their strategic fighting method. It is known that the Community Care Center has their own secret fighting method called the PAH. Say it outloud…it’s secret and it’s undercover. Some who have claimed to see it, believe that Phileena and Amanda distract the competition with their feet movement while Hilary swoops in and drop kicks the competition while they are hypnotized by the feet movement. Pah. Pah. Pah. That’s what they say, and then they leave.

Then there’s another team on the horizon. They are young and resilient. Their secret weapon is training in saunas or hot suits for hours at a time. They sometimes don’t see visitors in their office space for days because of their dedication to their training method “Boiler Room.” Some of the other teams visit the Office of the Director to “check on ordered books” or “ask a question about a plane ticket.” But the teams couldn’t stay long, they would be too close to passing out. All of their training, plus the 85 + degree temperature didn’t make for conversation. This department had another secret weapon, another staff member “out of the office.” There are reports that this staff member (Twyla) spends hours lifting, carrying, reading, studying, running, laughing and training all in another state. Her methods are so secret, that no one has ever seen them.

So, the office was tense. You could feel the energy shooting around; the energy was almost tangible. People would stretch. People would practice. People would cry. People were just ready. So you saw what happened. Some of the contenders were out early. It seemed almost as if they dropped out on purpose. Was there a conspiracy? No one knows. The fighting continued.

By the last six rounds, each department still had a representative. Tired and exhausted, they continued to fight it out until the last round. Michelle’s mental game began to fatigue. Amanda’s fancy footwork tired. Twyla’s secret methods werent’ so secret anymore, she was actually disqualified for doing the ‘roger rabbit’ while fighting which is obviously against the rules. Mandy was also disqualified, she brought a Frisbee into the match. Danielle was using a camera flash to distract the competition. And Elizabeth Day came out of nowhere to win the match. There have been calls to the referees for a rematch and a call for food testing. Some believe that dhal bhat, momos and chana masala give competitors an unfair advantage. But for now, the results are in and standing.

:)

Hope you enjoyed this special background edition of Behind the Fighting. Here's an update on the Omaha office.

Word Made Flesh Omaha is doing well. The Administration Team is continuing to serve in excellence.

Michelle Hoeft, our receptionist, is working tirelessly to finish the 2008 support and receipting. She’s the one who receives all of the checks that you send in for supporting the mission. Her friendly spirit welcomes the guests who visit or call the phone.

Cesia Gonzalez is our mail coordinator. There’s no stopping Cesia. She knows how to get it down. Each month she’s working on sending out 20-30 (that’s just an estimation) of our staff member’s monthly prayer letters. That’s thousands of pieces of mail I tell you. Thousands. And that’s just the beginning.

Liz Ivkovich is our new director of administration. When she’s not dreaming of dance competitions, she’s working hard to support her department, mission and our friends around the world with a integrity and humility in administration.

Paul Yoder (office manager) and Brent Anderson (outgoing director of administration) are both working hard supporting the Omaha staff through their expertise and knowledge. Paul is making sure that there are systems and programs in place to better help staff. And Brent, Brent will be so missed. His last day is January 30.

The A-Team, Advocacy Team (Mandy, Jara, Daphne, Marcia), is busy preparing for this Sunday’s Beggars Society with Jeff Johnson. They are also working hard on preparing for the visual redesign that comes out at the end of March. They continue to seek how to better serve the community through their service. They invite friends and friends of friends and friends of friends of friends to enter into what Word Made Flesh is doing. They love sharing stories of their friends through words, photos, music and reflection.

The Community Care Center continues to lead our staff to ways to finding whole health. The members, Silas, Phileena, Hilary and Amanda, inspire staff members to consider ways to be healthy and sustainable where they are. They do through that through countless ways, but ultimately they do it in love.

The Office of the Director continues to provide vision and support to the community. They are leading the community in new, fresh ways of partnership and community.

We would love your prayers as we enter into 2009. There are so many exciting things that are happening in the Omaha and worldwide community. We do invite you to join us in any way you can. If you are in Omaha, we desperately need volunteers. You can call the office to find out more (402-991-4949). We’d also love to see you at Beggars Society this Sunday. And if you are considering giving to a non-profit this year, we’d love for you to give to Word Made Flesh. We ended 2008 with a lot of momentum in our support raising, and we invite you to join us in 2009. Thank you for ways you inspire us and point us to God and God’s provision.

Be well. And fight hard.

give online: https://secure.groundspring.org/dn/index.php?aid=26156

i'm known to be a facebook stalker. i'm pretty good at it. i keep tabs on people's updates. this afternoon i saw one that made me stop. one of my college classmates mentioned that her roommate, another classmate of mine, passed away today. she had been fighting leukemia.

i remember my classmate, dawn. i think we had a couple of classes together and passed each other around campus. asbury was a small campus so i couldn't help but run into her. she was a sweet, smart woman.

it seems a bit surreal. she was just 28. had such a life ahead of her. pray for her family. you can read about her journey and struggle here.

keys in the door

i'm tired.
really tired.
i didn't realize it until my brother came by my house tonight. i had a couple of packages for him in my car. i told him that he could just get it from my car or he could come into my apartment.
he decided to stop by. i'm very thankful.
he came to the door. i opened it. and realized that my keys had been in my door since i had gotten home. weird enough i had actually only locked part of my door, not the chain.
so. i got my keys. and i've got to go to bed.
now.

a little slow

i heard al green on the radio a little bit ago.
and i heard someone else singing.
so i itunes three songs.
stay with me (feat. john legend)
take your time (feat. corinne bailey rae)
lay it down (feat. anthony hamilton)

airports

ken and i are sitting in the pittsburgh airport. there's a small boy crying while walking with his parents. and the airport has picked some relaxing music to listen to while waiting. and all i can see is fog outside.

crocker dropped us off a couple of minutes ago. we went through security. and we found our gate. we have a few hours to kill while we wait, but it's nice to sit for a bit. we had a really good time in erie.

for some reason i thought that with age and with the amount of times i am at an airport that the airport experience would get better. i don't mind going through the check-in process. i don't mind security. i don't even mind the obnoxious airport announcements.

my emotions are always rocked when i'm at an airport. the elation i experience when i arrive or when someone arrives is always replaced with a heavy sadness when it's time to depart. the airport is one place when i feel like i can touch people's emotions. everyone's emotions are so heightened. ken and i would usually always get into some sort of disagreement on the way to the airport in ny or in omaha. it was like every single emotion i could experience was trying to find its way out. and it usually found its way out in tears.

so we're in the airport watching flights begin to show up as delayed. i'm reliving the past couple of days. and reflecting on friendships and relationships. we all know, you can get hurt the most by the people you care most about. and you can also be and feel loved most by the people you care most about. i guess love is pretty vulnerable. you have to put yourself out there. i was able to have the opportunity to just be in crocker's presence. i was able to experience her life here and meet her family. i got to hang out with her boyfriend, manny. and i was able to hang out with mine. i spent an entire day in my pjs and watched tv without any apologies. i felt protected in the embrace of my friends and these days. so it was hard to leave. and now. we're heading back into the real world.

much love.

hello 2009

hello 2009. i can't believe that you are here. so much happened in 2008.

what i'm looking forward to in 2009. and my hope-tos:

• write more
• take more photographs - atleast once a week
• run another half marathon
• run with ken
• get to goal weight (track my food each day, attend my weekly meetings)
• work out six days a week
• hang with new friends
• hang with old friends
• seriously get my finances in check
• leave work at work
• travel to see friends
• dance