airports

ken and i are sitting in the pittsburgh airport. there's a small boy crying while walking with his parents. and the airport has picked some relaxing music to listen to while waiting. and all i can see is fog outside.

crocker dropped us off a couple of minutes ago. we went through security. and we found our gate. we have a few hours to kill while we wait, but it's nice to sit for a bit. we had a really good time in erie.

for some reason i thought that with age and with the amount of times i am at an airport that the airport experience would get better. i don't mind going through the check-in process. i don't mind security. i don't even mind the obnoxious airport announcements.

my emotions are always rocked when i'm at an airport. the elation i experience when i arrive or when someone arrives is always replaced with a heavy sadness when it's time to depart. the airport is one place when i feel like i can touch people's emotions. everyone's emotions are so heightened. ken and i would usually always get into some sort of disagreement on the way to the airport in ny or in omaha. it was like every single emotion i could experience was trying to find its way out. and it usually found its way out in tears.

so we're in the airport watching flights begin to show up as delayed. i'm reliving the past couple of days. and reflecting on friendships and relationships. we all know, you can get hurt the most by the people you care most about. and you can also be and feel loved most by the people you care most about. i guess love is pretty vulnerable. you have to put yourself out there. i was able to have the opportunity to just be in crocker's presence. i was able to experience her life here and meet her family. i got to hang out with her boyfriend, manny. and i was able to hang out with mine. i spent an entire day in my pjs and watched tv without any apologies. i felt protected in the embrace of my friends and these days. so it was hard to leave. and now. we're heading back into the real world.

much love.