oh blog where art thou

i think the amount of blogs i have is similar to the amount of journals i have. i have a journal about relationships. i have a daily journal about life. i have a journal for short stories. i have a journal for work. and then i have some blogs. i have this blog and another blog for wedding reflections. and then i have facebook 'notes' which i find to be just the same.

i find it hard to have a blog or journal devoted to every thing that's happening in my life. maybe that's because i'm a wordy processor who needs different platforms of reflecting. who knows.

but i feel compelled to remember what i initially made this blog for - my journey with food and understanding myself. a dear friend sent me an email from one of her friends, A. A's documenting her journey with food and asking for people's input. my blog historically documented a lot about what i was dealing with on my journey with weight watchers. what's funny is that if you look at my posts and you see those posts dwindle away, you might guess that i was struggling with food and old habits. i hit some ups and downs with things that i found stressful. i traveled to africa, returned and lost my car in a flood, welcomed both my fiance and brother to omaha, saw a lot of transition. lots of change.

i think it's fair and accurate to acknowledge the stress that those changes caused me. i think it's also fair to admit that they did derail me. i fought and struggled to get my grip towards the end of last year and then the beginning of this year i sort of saw the light. within the past few months i've actually seen the source of the light, and i think that it is freedom. freedom is forever beckoning me home. freedom from myself, from others, from food. its' a constant call and a constant journey. it is so easy to go back to our shackles and wait to be bound again.

i marked my change with a tattoo. my freedom tattoo. i adore it. it's one of my favorite tattoos. i find it fitting that it is on my wrist, where shackles could be. but really for me, i also love that it is a reminder when i'm eating. today i'm not at my goal weight, but i am moving towards it. i'm going to my weight watchers meetings every week. i'm weighing in every week...the ups and downs are there in my journey. and i feel like i'm finding myself again. i enjoy my meeting and the people who go there. and i know that they will be sweet companions on this journey. and so will my friends and family.

i realize that there are choices that we make now that affect our future. yes, it's just like the stock market. we put our money in shares and risks and hope that it pays off...but in life, we've got to put our faith and hope in something that endures and that is lasting. we put our faith and hope in God...and we can rest in God. and in the freedom that God proclaims.

so, here i am. dealing with some really big emotions head on (getting married!) and i'm choosing to be present in this times and not hiding behind what is comfortable or familiar to me (food).

so, today i challenge you to take a look at your stocks :) see what you're investing in and what you're avoiding and what you're taking as a risk...and see where you can find true freedom.