Update on life...and blog stalking.

I'm back on the blog...I just came off of a very full ten days at the Word Made Flesh Staff Gathering aka Conference aka Work Retreat. It was amazing to see our North American staff in one place...it's quite an amazing thing to be able to witness. I didn't have a lot of time to blog, but I'm back now with lots of thoughts and things to update you on.

So, first, thanks to all of those who follow my blog privately. It was fun to see who was reading my blog at our retreat aka work retreat aka conference aka fun. I had no idea that what I would write might be interesting sometimes. I do write about crazy stuff.

Second, if you didn't know this already, i'm making an announcement now. I'm officially transitioning out of WMF at the end of September. I just finished my fifth year at WMF and have felt that I was being called to something different. I am looking forward to this new season of my life. I'm really excited to see what it means for my season of wedded bliss, too. I've been so busy at work and at times so stressed I was surprised I didn't have any gray hairs...that I haven't had much to give to this really fun part of my life...newlyweddedness. I have no idea what the future holds for me right now. I'm thankful for the people in my life who have introduced me to lots of other people in the Omaha area and I'm confident that God will put me in the right place at the right time - hopefully end of August/Septemberish :).

Third, if you know anything about the Enneagram, you'll get this, if you don't, check it out. But I'm a 6...with a 7 wing. Doesn't make a ton of sense. BUT...the 7's basic fear is of being deprived and in pain...they avoid harsh emotions...

welcome the anxious 6...who wants to avoid pain and enter the emotional eater. When we were in the middle of saying goodbye to all of the staff this morning...I was sort of just observing what was happening. I told a friend that I needed to watch someone cry so I could tap into my emotions. I felt like I was watching the scene from above the clouds...but not really getting into it. This was quite the eye-opening moment for me. I found quite the funny combination of my anxiety...emotionless...trying to have fun self...I began to cry and then laugh...I was hysterical. I was crying and laughing with a friend...and then allowed my emotions to hang out with us too.

I've been trying to figure out...if I'm emotional eater than where are my emotions...then I realized that I'd been trying to hide them for quite awhile...I think they're coming out for awhile. And i'm happy about it.

I hope that you have an amazing day.

Where am I?

Well first...I've been away from my blog for a little bit. I'm at a work event for the next six days and have been here since Monday.

Yesterday I was working off of two deadlines for other things...and I almost went through an entire pack of gum. Friend and coworker and current roommate Mandy got a piece of gum...saw that it was almost over and she asked me if I had eaten it all.

Ofcourse.

When I am stressed I want to get some type of aggression out...I chew chew chew.

I did one day of the cleanse...and the next day I didn't think that I could do it. I had a headache and have had to be emotionally awake for a lot of things. I hadn't spent enough time on my own to reflect, journal or just read...and went back to my same coping mechanisms.

I am fascinated at how quickly my body goes back to the familiar. Friend and coworker Sarah Lance shared tonight about freedom and being in slavery. Like you know I have a tattoo on my wrist, freedom...

So, where am I? I'm in the midst of realizing that with freedom I need to understand what courage means. I have to look at things that I thought were safe to me and see them for what they are...just ways to deal with life rather than experience life.

I reflected a few days ago about my relationship with food...I tame my emotions (feeling and expressing emotions) with food. At times I'd rather not deal with my emotions. And at times I'd rather not have to explain my emotions. I'd rather feel my emotions with food than actually feel them.

But I want to start feeling my emotions. My emotions aren't the enemy...I'm not my enemy...but trying to pretend that I'm not an emotional person is an enemy.

If you're an emotional eater, what do you all do to express your emotions?

So i'm back on the bandwagon of eating clean...clean as possible. With my maybe PCOS I need to take myself seriously...