My last day at my current place of employment is the end of this month. When I resigned (in June) I felt an immediate wave of relief. I realized that even the uncertainty of my next step was more life giving than staying in a situation where I knew I needed to leave. Since resigning different people have noticed that I'm different. Both Kenley and my spiritual director noticed this change in me...and tonight I noticed it as well.
I was writing in my journal (love it) and wrote about how I'm noticing how incredible Kenley is. I am falling more and more in love with him and then it dawned on me...
I am coming out of a cave.
If you're in a cave without a headlamp, your eyes have to adjust to the lack of light...you get accustomed to your dim surroundings. Colors fade into grays and blacks and dark hues of brown. And you feel your way through the ins and outs of the cave.
When you leave a cave, your eyes have to adjust to the light again...colors seem more vibrant. And you are back into the real world.
Stress is a cave. Sometimes it doesn't seem like there is a way out...and sometimes it seems like just living in the cave and in the stress is easier than finding a way out.
I'm finding my way out. I know life is not easy. I also know that some things shouldn't be so hard. And life will be full of ups and downs...it's listening to those moments and growing from them that we're supposed to do....so, I'm working on seeing the light, letting my eyes adjust :)
In Freston's book she includes daily meditations to do...one of the recent ones is "I examine myself."
"Throughout the day, I will say to myself with eyes closed. I examine myself. I will always be challenged by various situations - relationship conflicts, stress at work, drama with my kids - and thus experience feelings that are uncomfortable. All of this provides the friction necessary for my personal growth. If everything went along swimmingly all the time, I would never have the opportunity to stretch myself, or work at pushing through the obstalces that keep me stagnant. In order to keep moving forward, I can step back from the feelings and examine them, noting how familiar or repetitive they are. I can think about how and when they originated so that I understand the historical progression. By realizing that we are all wounded in some way, I can look to my wounds as an opportunity to know myself better. As I come to know myself better, I will find myself connecting with other people on a deeper and more meaningful level. As I now see it, the purpose of my life is to grow and awaken to the powerful potential that is within. My most sacred mission is to focus on moving through the places that hold me back." - The Quantum Wellness Cleanse, Kathy Freston, pg. 68
1 comment:
Oh man it's like you took the words right out of my mouth. Different situation but still feeling the same way you are right now.
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