you remember...

I ran today. I've actually been running for the past three days. I'm not sure what happened...well, I do. In the middle of my run today I heard my body say...You remember how to do this and you remember you love it.

Oh snap. I love running! I enjoy taking classes at the gym because I like to be pushed, but I also like listening to my body when running. And I like when my body remembers how to do something. And likes it.

from the book women food and God.

'eventually we see that it was the investment in the brokenness, the constant effort to fix ourselves, that was the very thing that kept wholeness at bay. if you think that your job is to fix what is broken, you keep finding more broken places to mend...something happens every time i stop fighting with the ways things are....'

I would recommend this book to anyone right now. Part of my journey, even on this blog, has been my journey/fight with finding health. My signs of success would be fitting into x, y, z or running this far or not eating this but that...but my success was always attached to not doing something negative. Success was always based on doing something...but not being. Being true to myself and my health is beautiful.

...'diets are the outpicturing of your belief that you have to atone for being yourself to be worthy of existing...until the believe is understood and questioned, no amount of weight loss will touch the part of you that is convinced it is damaged. a lifetime of sufffering with food will fit right in with the definition you've formed about being alive. it will make sense to you that hatred leads to love and that torture leads to peace because you will be operating on the conviction that you must starve or deprive or punish the badness out of you...but once the belief and the subsequent decisions are questioned, diets and being uncomfortable in your body lose their seductive allure. only kindness makes sense. anything else is excruciating.' (pg 83-84).

we, myself including, have a love-hate relationship with food. our very dysfunctional way of relating to food is what keeps us in this weird twisted fight. you know?

so this week, kindness rules. kindness reminds us to be gentle to ourselves and give ourselves grace. we are loved. we are beloved. skinny, big, or in between. love doesn't go towards any size. it goes towards our hearts.