a week away

i've enjoyed celebrating our engagement these days. i can't believe that we're just a week away from the wedding. seriously. one week. i've cherished the cleanse and what i've learned on it so far. i feel like i can taste and experience emotions in a new way. my anxiety hasn't been hidden behind food. my joy has been fuller without the attachment of food/drinks. i don't think that i food with celebration is bad. and i don't think that food is the enemy. i feel like i'm in a newer relationship with food and it's a safe relationship. and i'm really enjoying the freedom with food now. it doesn't own me. and it's much more comfortable. and i feel like myself. it's been appropriate timing in learning about full health in a pretty busy season of life. and full health is worth it. so thankful today. looking forward to moving in this journey as a married woman, too.

cleanse. on last week.

i had no idea how much better i would feel after this cleanse. i do miss the familiarity of certain products but for now i'm happy.

i've enjoyed really good and simple food.

i told marcia that i loved plain oatmeal. it's very comforting to me. don't get me wrong, i could go for some full blown sugared out brown sugar and cinnamon oatmeal, but i do love me some plain plain plain oatmeal. it's simple, it's just food. the whole purpose is that it gives fuel to my body. no bells or whistles. i likened it to how a horse eats oats.

anyway. i feel like my tastebuds have come alive with some of the simpliest things in life.

cleanse

sorry my posts have been so cleanse-y orientated. i really haven't felt this good in a long time...especially in my digestive area. i decided to skip out on going to weight watchers until after the wedding and especially during the cleanse. so many times i've done these types of things to lose weight...that my friend can turn into a frightening evil and distant cousin of healthy eating - an out of control eating obsession and sometimes even an eating disorder. i didn't go on the cleanse intending to lose weight. i mainly went on the cleanse because i saw how stressed i had been in the past year and how that directly impacted my food intake. fortunately i work out enough not to put on the pounds fast, but my workouts didn't curb my stress eating. i've noticed i can feel the stress in a different way these days. i also feel like i can experience my emotions in a different way, they almost feel tangible. it's hard to explain. and i'm not sure if i even should. it has to be experienced by only one person, me...and maybe one day you.

we all have our coping mechanisms. we don't want to face the things that are painful or scary about ourselves. it's easier to hide them behind food, entertainment, mindless chatter, books. but when we face ourselves it is scary, but it is okay. we sometimes have to learn to recognize ourselves again as God created us...beloved despite ourselves.

favorite chili recipe

go back and check it out.

day 7/21

i'm fighting a cold of some sort.

but. on a positive note i am learning that i really am lactose intolerant. this week without dairy has been amazzzzzzzzzzing. i feel a ton better. i really miss cheese though.

hm. but i feel better and that beats cheese. shoot.

day 5/21

today is the fifth day of the cleanse. we're on a retreat and it's quite hard to eat vegan here...almost impossible. my meals have consisted of salads with some sunflower seeds...and then some type of probably not vegetarian food like potatoes with questionable toppings.

it's hard to explain. but in these past 5 days i feel like i've been able to get in touch with myself. and i am recognizing parts of me again .it's refreshing. and kind of funny when i look at things and crave them just because i can't have them. i wanted ribs. i haven't had ribs in a long time. i just wanted them. and then i wanted to have something sweet just because. we're so conditioned to respond to times of emotional highs and lows by feeding them with something...if that's food or alcohol or other things.

just little things.

3/21

i'm feeling a bit more tired than usual. i can't figure out wher ei can attribute that. but what i do know is that i really miss drinking other drinks than hot tea and water. this morning i wanted lemonade.

we're at a retreat center that has amazing food especially for meat eaters. my challenge has been to find enough variety of food that is filling. we'll see how today goes!