a year ago...i wrote this

for a contest with weight watchers. it was good to get my journey on paper. enjoy.

Jara Sturdivant
“The True Me”

It wasn’t when I couldn’t cross my legs anymore…it wasn’t when I got winded when walking up the stairs…it wasn’t when I couldn’t fasten my seatbelt on the plane...it wasn’t when Old Navy sent me personalized emails telling me about plus-sized clothing sales….and it definitely wasn’t when my underwear didn’t fit (it shrunk, right?)…..it was when I joined Weight Watchers and my leader didn’t turn me away or ask me why I was joining Weight Watchers.

I thought for sure my leader what I saw – a healthy 25 year old woman with no weight problem. But, no, she saw what I had been denying for the past four years.

During the past four years I experienced the new freedoms that are associated with moving out on your own for the first time – no curfews or restraints. I experienced eating entire pans of brownies, cakes, cookies…and began my weekly date…Friday nights at Walgreens. Instead of making plans with friends, I would make plans with several Reese’s Big Cups, several packages of Hershey Kisses, and if things went really well, I’d end the night with my best friend, Betty…Betty Crocker Warm Delights.

My relationship with food made me a different person. I hid in pictures; I preferred to be alone. I not only lost myself, I didn’t want anyone to find me. I cringed at the thought that my friends from high school, college or graduate school would see me and not recognize me. I wasn’t the fit, trim person who they knew.

I was a new person with my new friend, Betty C.

When my parents offered to pay for Weight Watchers I was scared. I was scared that Weight Watchers would give me an accurate picture of myself. And when Weight Watchers did give me an accurate picture of myself, it was frightening. I was 25 years old and 100 pounds overweight.

But Weight Watchers didn’t leave me there. My leader, Chris, has offered me hope and a realistic relationship with food.

No longer are my weeks full of eating, but my weeks are full of portion control, healthy decisions with food and visits to the gym.

When people compliment me on my weight loss or when they don’t recognize me…I’m a little surprised because this is who I am – this is who was hidden in me for years. It’s just now, I’m able to introduce myself to the real me.