what's more awkward: bathroom edition

what's more awkward.

walking out of the office to go to the bathroom only to be startled by an office mate (note: you knew someone must have been in the bathroom b/c one of the bathroom key sets were missing)

or almost peeing on yourself

or exclaiming...well whispering...that made me almost peed on myself!

what's more awkward: junk mail

in german (my junk mail)

or in an asian language (daphne's)

a year ago...i wrote this

for a contest with weight watchers. it was good to get my journey on paper. enjoy.

Jara Sturdivant
“The True Me”

It wasn’t when I couldn’t cross my legs anymore…it wasn’t when I got winded when walking up the stairs…it wasn’t when I couldn’t fasten my seatbelt on the plane...it wasn’t when Old Navy sent me personalized emails telling me about plus-sized clothing sales….and it definitely wasn’t when my underwear didn’t fit (it shrunk, right?)…..it was when I joined Weight Watchers and my leader didn’t turn me away or ask me why I was joining Weight Watchers.

I thought for sure my leader what I saw – a healthy 25 year old woman with no weight problem. But, no, she saw what I had been denying for the past four years.

During the past four years I experienced the new freedoms that are associated with moving out on your own for the first time – no curfews or restraints. I experienced eating entire pans of brownies, cakes, cookies…and began my weekly date…Friday nights at Walgreens. Instead of making plans with friends, I would make plans with several Reese’s Big Cups, several packages of Hershey Kisses, and if things went really well, I’d end the night with my best friend, Betty…Betty Crocker Warm Delights.

My relationship with food made me a different person. I hid in pictures; I preferred to be alone. I not only lost myself, I didn’t want anyone to find me. I cringed at the thought that my friends from high school, college or graduate school would see me and not recognize me. I wasn’t the fit, trim person who they knew.

I was a new person with my new friend, Betty C.

When my parents offered to pay for Weight Watchers I was scared. I was scared that Weight Watchers would give me an accurate picture of myself. And when Weight Watchers did give me an accurate picture of myself, it was frightening. I was 25 years old and 100 pounds overweight.

But Weight Watchers didn’t leave me there. My leader, Chris, has offered me hope and a realistic relationship with food.

No longer are my weeks full of eating, but my weeks are full of portion control, healthy decisions with food and visits to the gym.

When people compliment me on my weight loss or when they don’t recognize me…I’m a little surprised because this is who I am – this is who was hidden in me for years. It’s just now, I’m able to introduce myself to the real me.

the junk in my trunk

one donut won't hurt i would tell myself.

i debated this morning about a donut. starbucks had these cute little sample donuts. and i thought.

it won't hurt.

but this morning i said no. i walked away with my coffee in hand and thoughts of my breakfast in my head.

during that i was reminded of when i didn't connect what i ate to the junk in my trunk. for some reason i thought that i could eat whatever i wanted to and it wouldn't affect my body.

i ignored glaring problems
- my feet would hurt when i would wake up
- i would lose my breath when i walked up the stairs, seriously. that's hot.
- i couldn't cross my legs anymore
- i couldn't bend over to paint my toenails
- i kept buying bigger clothes
- i was always so tired after work

some of those are superficial things...but some of those pointed to bigger issues. i'm barely pushing 5 feet 5 inches...and i was carrying a lot of weight...228 pounds....93 extra pounds on my small frame...no wonder i couldn't breathe...my lungs were pushing up against a big wad of weight...and no wonder my feet hurt, they were carrying lots of weight and no wonder...no wonder...no wonder.

so. i said no to the donut this morning. it's the little decisions that i have to make as an investment into my health. ofcourse i could've eaten it, i worked out this morning and it's within my daily points allowance (weight watchers :) )...but i remember...it's those little decisions that have big effects.

audible sigh

phew.
i finally feel like i can breathe. the past couple of weeks definitely caught up with me this weekend. the weight of last week hit me this afternoon.

after exercising i managed to take a shower and sleep for three hours.

i'm not really sure why i'm writing right now...i'm still exhausted.

here's to cherishing the weekend.

negative (repost from facebook)

i wanted to give you a quick update on my trip to sierra leone.

after thinking about it and praying about it, i've decided that i may need to postpone my trip to sierra leone which is sad.

my support account is around -750 now which means after purchasing a plane ticket and any other travel expenses...it would be negative -3000 or so...and then after a salary being pulled...you get the idea. uber negative.

i'm a little heartbroken. i wanted to be able to support our staff there and meet their friends and share their stories.

it's been a long and hard week. i'm going to take the weekend to pray and discern this decision...and see if it's really based on the right motives.

it's been a long and hard three years of raising support...which has always felt like somewhat of a fight for me. it's never really gotten easier for me. so it's not just about not being able to go on a field visit. it ends up being more about trying to raise my support each month.

so yeah. my mom said lots of encouraging things to me yesterday...

granted she did start the conversation with 'you're complaining.'

but i'll end with things that i'm clinging to.
In was giving thanks in the midst of deep pain. Whatever struggle, thank God for the struggle. Continue to ask him for provision.

Simply thank God. Rest and trust God. You have said you are tired and exhausted, dont keep repeating that... remember all the answers to pray that you have think about the faithfulness of God, remember those things. Ask God to show himself mighty.

For a long time, I carried around alot of worry. Once I truly gave up the worry. It was a like weight off my back. the next day.... I really felt free. When, I started worrying, I remember, I could trust God. It has been a life altering experience... to truly rest in God. When God answers the prayer. Whether you go in May or a little later. Remember, shout, dance, and praise God.

When you want to worry about this, remember, you have permission to rest in God. I love you.

what's more awkward: carpool edition

--locking your rider out of your car
or
--while the rider is trying to get in the car, you decide that the bird poop on your windshield is really gross and you turn your windshield wipers + fluid on...and spray your rider who is still trying to get in the car