papa john's

Gulp.

That’s what I did when I looked at the empty Papa John’s box. I had literally devoured a box of breadsticks.

Hiccup.

That’s what it was. A hiccup. I’ve outlined my journey with weight watchers but haven’t really discussed a lot on the recent months. I’ve heard that if you manage to get through the holidays and winter months without gaining weight it’s almost as if you lost six pounds in the summer. I have to admit, I gained a bit these past months. I blamed it on being pmsy (which is part of it)…or not having good choice in front of me when traveling, but at the end of the day, it’s what I chose to put into my mouth.

So. I’m back. I gave up sweets for Lent. Not as another legalistic move to further regiment what I eat, but as an act of cutting myself off of something that I have depended on for comfort, excitement, companionship and celebration and opening myself up to being filled by my Creator.

I’ve had to explain myself a lot of times of why I would do a move like that, but I know that food, no matter what kind of food, has always been some type of thing to fill a void in my life. You can see it in my journals. Years ago…like almost 15 years ago, I would write in my journals about the food I ate that day. I’m not sure what I was documenting, but I do know that it was during that time in my life when my dad traveled a lot for work. Maybe at that age I couldn’t identify missing my dad, but at that age, it was easy for me to eat lots of bad food and feel really full. It was something I could control.

And we fast forward back to this week.

I threw away the empty box of breadsticks and wondered what that meant for me. I can easily point my finger at other’s when they eat bad foods, but what does it mean for me when I have a moment like this.

No, I’m not being hard on myself. I’m being realistic. We all see celebrities who are in rehab for who knows what and we pity them and maybe secretly we are thankful that we wouldn’t be there. But, you know what, my dependence on food could easily get me in a rehab treatment center.

But I’m thankful that there’s grace in the midst of all of this. Eating a box of breadsticks won’t derail me…it could get me where I want to be a little later. I may, actually I know I will have to workout harder and be more deliberate about what I eat. But that’s the choice I have to make.

I’ve never been the skinny type. If I look at a piece of bread, my face immediately retains water and somehow my stomach gains an inch. That’s just how I’ve been made. I’m not bitter. I’m just different.

I want my relationship with food to be healthy. I want my choices to reflect a sense of nurturing my soul and give me freedom. I hope you, too, can find that.

being honest

i have to be honest.

i have cramps. bad cramps.

there are a few days a month when i feel like i'm going insane. i delete friends from myspace and facebook. i get into heated discussions filled with tears. i cry myself to bed. and then i look at my calendar.

so today i was at work. it felt like i was watching my life as if it were a movie. going through the motions, slowly. keeping up, slowly.

so i came home with my weird cough. i crawled into the corner of my couch. drooled and slept. and woke up with renewed vision and energy. it was the best nap ever.

i'm afraid of the combination of the heat at work, my monthly visitor and my weird cold sucked the life out of me. i can't shake the beginning of the cold i have. not sure how to explain it. but it goes in spurts. mean spurts. maybe if someone sent me orange juice i'd be better.

but i have energy for my prayer letter. that's exciting. :)

why haven't i known about this?

there's a new store in the old market. i found it on the internet a roundabout way. but nonetheless. the owner recently moved from nyc to open a boutique in the old market. she's a fashionista and may be the answer to my fauxhomesickness of new york.

http://postcardsfromomaha.blogspot.com

the one minute blog: today i...

today i...

-wouldn't have guessed that an apartment tenant would yell 'there is no God' to daphne as she walked to the bathroom
-fit into a shirt from college...that made my outfit what not to wear audition tape worthy
-got suddenly homesick for all things new york
-really appreciate mandy teaching me how to peel an orange
-am looking forward to eating a cadberry egg at some point
-am really craving a strong glass of red wine

that's it for now.
my minute is up.

the outfit in question:

new york

when we land in new york, my heart skips a beat when i see the city's skyline. there's nothing like it. i love it so much that when i get up in the morning i watch the early morning shows just to see it. i wonder where kenley might be in that maze of buildings, people and cars.

i watch movies and television shows (too much sometimes) just to have the sensation that i'm in new york. i've watch almost every episode of sex and the city a million times and the movie hitch just so i can see new york.

i hope there's nothign seriously wrong with me.

does anyone want to meet in new york in may to watch the sex and the city movie?

i know. i'm that girl. but seriously. how much fun would new york be in may!?

hallmark cards

so. i got sucked in quite quickly to the hallmark movie on television tonight. there's something familiar about these movies, they're a bit predictable but they aren't as terrible as some lifetime movies are. they get me every time. not only do i cry during the movies. i cry during the commercials. i will not pay $5 for their cards, but i might just because these commercials...they are priceless. yes, hallmark, you got me.

i'm using marcia's laptop and some neighbor's bootleg internet. i had originally planned on using her computer to skype video with kenley. but he got hurt in his football game and my webcam doesn't work on os x. snap.

last weekend kenley and i made it to nashville and memphis, tennessee and earle, arkansas. there aren't words to describe how amazing it was to be among some of my favorite people. it was incredibly refreshing and inspiring. i always revisit homesickness and how i don't think we ever grow out of it. there's not a day that goes by that i don't feel the deep missing of my people. when they speak to me, when they write me, when they call me, when they look at me, their words, their voices, their eyes...those are my priceless hallmark cards. i take them in my heart. i replay them, i reread them when my days are hard, when my nights are long.

my friends who are scattered across the united states and the world, i could never tell you how much you mean to me. you make me better. you show me Christ. you get me through my long days, my lonely weekends, my happy days, my celebrations, my excitements. have a good week. xo. me.

ps thanks marcia for your computer. and than you linksy for your wireless.

a 3 plunged, 3 flushed toilet experience

what is more embarrassing:

* finding that there is no plunger in your toilet stall in a public restroom
* realizing you need that plunger
* running out of your stall to find the plunger before someone else comes into the bathroom
* plunging the toilet once
* flushing the toilet twice
* flushing it again
* watching the toilet begin to overflow
* plunging it two more times


or walking into the bathroom with the infamous 'neverclosethedoorofthestall woman.'

:)

happy bathrooming.