natural: i am not my hair

I've decided to let my hair live naturally. I asked a lot of good friends their journeys with natural hair. I've googled everything under the sun. I talked it through with my mom and felt that I was able to articulate what brought me to this place.

I enjoy the consistency that a relaxer gives my hair. It's bone straight and easy to manage. My hair was long. My hair dresser would tell me how much my hair had grown since I'd last seen here...and then the creamy crack would hit my scalp, i'd feel the burn, look in the mirror and relax because my hair was about to be straight. (funny that the product is even called a relaxer) The last weeks before a retouch, I would curse new growth...those little curls that caught all combs and brushes. Those little waves needed to be taken care of. So, this last time I sat in Classy's chair and talked with her about what I wanted to do. I wanted to make my next appointment for either a retouch or a trim.

So, i'm a few weeks in from my most recent retouch and I'm looking forward to the journey with natural hair. I almost forgot to write what made me some to this conclusion.

A lot of times I would tell Kenley that I wanted our future kids (we aren't pregnant) to have his hair. Yes, his hair is beautiful, half asian, half black. He has these glorious, flowing curls that seem so easy to manage. The more I would say that, the more I would wonder what that meant about my hair. I don't even know what my real hair even looks like other than the inch of new growth that I tell to straighten up. I remembered watching Good Hair and all of the questions I had coming out of that movie. What would I tell my kids about their hair? That it's a beautiful mixture of the Sturdivant-Wilson's Thai, African, Caucasian, Native American heritage? And that's why it's sometimes curly, sometimes has a red tint...why it's frizzy in the summertime. Yes, I think I would tell them that...and I had to start telling myself that. My hair does represent my family and my heritage. I didn't want to keep adding these strong chemicals to my hair. I want to put good and healthy foods into my body (hence my renewed commitment to eating vegetarian, leaning towards vegan). I want to honor my body with what I do to it and what I put into it. Trust me, I don't get it right, hardly ever, but I'm trying and I know I need to try.

I also want to understand what I find as beautiful and where in my life have I been conditioned to think something is beautiful (straight hair)...and I'm not my hair anyway (check the lyrics below).

I'm looking forward to the freedom that I think I will have with my hair. I know that this won't be an easy journey. It's something so new and something that I can't even plan for...but it's something that i'm anticipating. I'll probably keep blogging here about whole health...and include my hair in it...that is part of me. :) If you have any tips for hair and skin care...naturally, let me know!

Also, here's some education if you don't know what happens when I get my hair relaxed, here you go:

lyrics to india.aire's not my hair.

Little girl with the press and curls
Age 8 I got a jerry curl
13 and I got a relaxer
I was the source of so much laughter
15 when it all broke off
18 when I went all natural
February 2002
I went on and did what I had to do

Cuz it was time to change my life
To become the woman that I am inside
97 dread locs all grown
I looked in the mirror for the first time and saw that (hey)

(Chorus)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations (no)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am the soul that lives within

(Spoken)
What she do to her?
I don’t know; it look crazy!
I like it.
I might do that.
I wouldn’t go that far.

(Verse 2)
Good hair means curls and waves.
Bad hair means you look like a slave
At the turn of the century
Its time for us to redefine who we be
You can shave it off like an African beauty
Got in on “loc” like Bob Marley
You can rock it straight like Oprah Winfrey
It’s not what’s on your head, it’s what’s underneath (say hey)

(Chorus)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations (no)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am the soul that lives within

Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person
Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend
Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity
Expressing my creativity

(Verse 3)
Breast cancer and chemotherapy
Took away her crown and glory
She promised God if she was to survive
She would enjoy everyday of her life
On national television her diamond eyes are sparkling
Baldheaded like a full moon shining
Singing out to the whole wide world like hey

(Chorus)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations (no)
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am the soul that lives within
(Repeat)

If I wanna shave it close or I wanna rock locs
That don’t take a bit away from this soul that I got

If I wanna wear it braided all down my back
I don’t see nothing wrong with that