meet the browns

last night i came home after an interesting day. i shredded paper for a few hours (that's for you marcia) and i watched tyler perry's meet the browns. i'm not a huge fan of house of payne, but i was surprisingly fond of this show. the characters seem a bit more natural. since this is the only show i've watched i don't know the characters or their backgrounds.

so i watched and it was an episode of one of the characters, who is carrying more weight than these two characters, is trying to lose weight. we'll call her sherry. she's exercising with her thinner friends and enjoying herself. then, she tries on a dress she wants to wear and it doesn't fit. her friend encourages her and leaves. upset and discouraged and alone, sherry finds the nearest comfort, a box of chocolate bars. she eats all of them in a fit...crying and upset. i found it interesting that i had a morning conversation with marcia about the recent bell hooks' chapter i read. african american women struggle to understand what self-care means, especially when it relates to their bodies. these bodies that historically have been incredibly objectified, made fun of, sold, abused, ignored. we look at the media and we see what people consider as beautiful, thin, white women with long hair...and then we look in the mirror and we dont' see that. we relax our hair. we try and lose weight. but we're still combating something deeper than our skin.

so this character walks in on her two girlfriends who are comparing their bodies to magazines. these ladies are thin and they aren't satisfied with how they look....and sherry goes crazy. she calls them out on all that they are doing.

she walks and talks to herself. at some point in a conversation with herself or maybe her friends, she comes up with this phrase....it's not about perfection, it's about progress.

for me, i'm not trying to attain to be emaciated. i am working towards being healthy while taking in consideration my history. my history full of curves and smooth skin, beautiful by the light of the sun, hair that's sometimes crazy in the moonlight, but it is my history. i want to redeem the beauty of the black woman that's not dictated by essence or cosmo. i want to find the beauty of the black woman in a garden full of fresh vegetables, in an afternoon full of walks and runs and evenings over a glass of tea.

it is about progress. i manage to continue working out about six days a week. it's my stress reliever. my food intake is improving. and i'm finding the balance i need. and in these next two months before the wedding i hope that i find a quiet and safe place in myself...where i'm not talking negatively to myself but i'm reminding myself that it's about progress.