jara talks too much

i would dread parent-teacher conferences. it wasn't because i was a bad student; i dreaded these meetings because i knew what was going to be said.

jara is a good student, but she just talks too much.

thankfully i didn't outgrow my ambition to talk and share. i enjoy conversations and i enjoy participation. i never backed down. and i liked it.

i've noticed that in the past year i've tried to tone it down a little bit. i didn't want to hurt that person's feelings or maybe i didn't want to say it that way or i didn't want someone to take something the wrong way. i got so concerned about what other people thought that i actually lost what i was going to say. by the time i would think to say something, i would just end up apologizing for something. sometimes anything.

i think i was just apologizing for having an opinion. i don't think that i'm necessarily an outspoken person, but i do think that i like to speak up. i mean, maybe that's why i'm in advocacy. i can't be quiet. maybe as an elementary student i knew that if no one else said something, then no one would hear.

i've gotten in some interesting discussions about race on my blog and off of the blog. and i've always felt defeated in those discussions. the upmh in my gut i used to feel...i just haven't felt it in awhile. i've read some of my other favorite blogs: the field negro and a couple of other ones. something in the unapologetic writing resonates with where i am and where i struggle.

i invite open dialogues that are unapologetic. we get so tongue tied about everything we say, we don't say anything at all. that's not a discussion. i'm making my own amendment...the amendment to say what you think and ask questions and be open to dialogue.

anyway. that's just what i'm thinking. i'm sitting in the airport waiting for a hopefully on time flight :) to nashville. i'll be writing more soon.