mmmm.

i feel like i'm settling back into myself again. the past six months have flown by...and i never really felt like myself. i went to sierra leone, returned and then thing after thing came. and i lost my footing.

training for the half marathon gave me a bit of schedule to cling onto during some of the crazy times. after my car got flooded...i began getting ready for kenley to move to omaha...and then my brother to move here. kenley and jonathan, my brother, moved to omaha within a week of each other. yes. stressful.

and i'm FINALLY getting back in the swing of things.

i'm becoming friends with weight watchers again. this past weekend we had the guys from TWLOHA share at beggars society. they are an outreach geared towards teenagers and those who are struggling with self-injury, addiction, suicide and depression.

To Write Love on Her Arms began in Orlando, FL in February 2006 as a (written) story, the true story of five days spent with a friend who was denied entry into a drug treatment center. The story was a look at those five days, and the t-shirts were printed and sold initially as a way to pay for our friend's treatment.

As Jamie shared the story about their friend who was denied treatment someone asked how she was currently doing. He mentioned that she acknowledges that this is a struggle that she is met with and deals with everyday.

I let that sit with me for a couple of days.

Last week we heard from Sharif Liwaru. He is the director of the Malcolm X Foundation in Omaha. Sharif shared with us about his faith. Hearing about his journey as a Muslim was beautiful and enlightening. I have friends who are Muslim but I have to admit I don't ask much about their faith. During his discussion he reflected on Ramadan. Sharif shared about the choices he would make during this time of fasting. As people around him would eat or offer him food, he remained committed to his fast, joining in with millions of others in prayer, humility and fasting. A choice and commitment, a stand that is personal between God and him, no one else. I'm sure that wasn't the best summary...but...

I let that sit with me for a couple of days, too.

Living well and living whole is a decision and a choice that I have to make with each step, with each bite, with each run, with each day. A commitment to honor my body, God's temple, every.day.and.every.meal.

So this week I had a breaking point. I'm not my brother, who has an incredible metabolism. I'm not Jenny Craig who has to have packaged food to determine my choices. I'm Jara Sturdivant who has to make daily efforts to commit to health...with each meal, with each trip to the gym.

I feel a lot better these days. I'm back in the gym in my normal classes. I'm back to being friendly with my points. And I'm realizing that it took me 20 some years to get here...changing everything won't happen overnight. But I'll just take it a day at a time. :)

I see a little more junk in my trunk and I'm okay with that. After three months of running, I am proud of my buns of steal :) Just watch out, my next goal is to be a push up fanatic :) Anyone want to have a push up contest?

xo.