grumpy

i'm grumpy. i need to figure out how to put a positive spin on that term. i think that i voice my opinion when frustrated and sometimes it negatively affects my mood.

anyway. it's bee one of those days when it feels like someone has pulled everything from underneath me, then held it in front of me and then took it away and then held it front of me again and then took it away.

having kenley in omaha has been amazing. there aren't even words for it. i was at a dinner party tonight and looked over and saw him and thought, oh my goodness, he's right there.

i haven't had a chance to get used to kenley be here because my brother just moved to omaha today. if i write about it i will sound like a selfish bitch but i'd like to think of myself as an assertive woman who has finally figured out how to say what she means.

i was on the phone with my dad today and he told me that i need to be a good big sister and take care of my brother. and it just sat with me the wrong way. i've been trying to figure out what my responsibilities are as a sister....a daughter and a woman. is it my responsibility to drop what i'm doing to help my brother get adjusted? or is it my responsibility to let him learn and grow?

thoughts go in and out of my head about being a woman, sister and daughter. and they collide with my relationships. and i like it. i'm learning a lot about myself. and sometimes it's scary. it's scary to see a part of me i vaguely recognize....and it's fun to get reacquainted.

anyway. scrambled thoughts. bed.