a book

while traveling to a friend in NC i started on my book. i wrote an introduction to the book i want to write...maybe need to write. i told some friends my crazy dreams about what i want to do with this book and they told me that dreams should be followed or at least considered. i think that often we discredit our dreams as being selfish, ridiculous or impossible. that happens when we take credit for those dreams. i won't take credit for my dreams. i submit them to God. so we'll see. i hope to write somewhat regularly even if it's just to write.

the book is a part of a dream i have of somehow working with non-white women and men in journeys to whole health. so we'll see. that's it. more later.

sentenced to life with the possibility of parole

this is a short reflection. yesterday I was listening to NPR's This American Life this morning about a person in jail who first was denied parole...his sentence was death with the possibility of parole. He was first denied and then his case went up again and that decision was reversed. He was released! The story really spoke to me. I sat listening to the story crying with excitement for the man in the story, but also because that is my story. I mean, I think it's probably a part of everyone's story. I was sentenced to death...but Christ has given me life, but sometimes I still live in death, but I always have the possibility of parole - grace. And I want to live in this knowledge, Christ has paroled me, I don't have to live in death and bondage to food.

if you are struggling between living in either death or life, choose life. it's a choice for every day. and i think it's worth it.

state of recovery

i've overhead conversations about recovering alcoholics who attend meetings as a part of their continued recovery. i've watched documentaries about food addicts who explain how difficult it is to live with an addiction that you struggle with each time you sit down to eat each meal and snack. understanding my relationship with food and the emotions that surround food will be a constant part of my recovery with food. and i will be in recovery for the rest of my life. isn't the first part of dealing with an addiction is acknowledging that there is a problem that is beyond our control?

bloggy blog

i haven't been blogging in awhile. the holidays have been a little busy, but that's no excuse. i need to figure out what i want to do with this blog. i enjoy writing and reflecting on my journey to health. it's been a struggle over the holidays...no surprise there. but that's no excuse.

so i'm excited for two things in 2010 in relating to health. 1. i'm taking the turbo kick training in march. 2. i'm doing trek the tower with my friend nick. we will be climbing stairs...as fast as possible. i hate stairs. but i know this is what i'm supposed to train for in 2010. that and another half marathon :)

do you have any goals in 2010? not resolutions...but things that sound like fun to do in 2010?

oh hello

i've forgotten both of my blogs. i'm sorry bloggy. i'm back. i'm enjoying winter so far - surprisingly enough. i've loved being married.

i'm still on this journey for full health. i've started an online Christian program that deals with addiction. i found it on someone's facebook profile and clicked on it. i have to admit i sort of went through all of the steps and got an account. then i immediately wanted to delete it. i couldn't find the delete button anywhere. shoot. so i had an account. and it was alright. i began, hesitantly, reading Bible verses and answering obvious questions. and then surprisingly, i saw things being uncovered in my life. i don't necessarily agree with everything about the program but i'm so happy that the Holy Spirit moves within us even despite us. in this journey you walk through 60 days with a mentor, each day filling out bible verses, reflecting on food, reflecting where you are. i've really been surprised at how i actually look forward to the mornings when i sit and reflect on where i am. my journey with food speaks to deep and dark places where i didn't invite God into...yet God continued to pursue me, every part of me....why? because God is love and God loves me. and i'm in this journey of allowing God love me and me loving myself. food has been my comfort in joy and pain and my friend in community and loneliness. but God has been there just as much, too, and even more. i choose God in my journey because God doesn't let me down. so i'm still journeying and i'm hopeful.

snow day

it has been such a treat to receive almost two snow days. i've appreciated the time off. we've cleaned the house. i shoveled the driveway for hours. i have a feeling that i will be quite sore tomorrow, but it looks like we'll be able to get out of the driveway.

here are some pictures from the snow.

health

i had a really interesting experience today. i have had a migraine for the past two days and i went to the gym to see if i could work part of it out. so i went to class early, walked on the treadmill some and then sat outside of the room. my head was pounding and all i could hear were these kids running around the third floor. they were screaming, they were laughing. they were chasing each other. they were catching each other.

my head was pounding.

and i wanted to run after them and trip one of them and teach them a lesson about running in hallways.

but then i overheard their parents' conversations.
i don't know how to get these dark circles away from my eyes.
you could try wax and cucumbers.
yeah i heard there's some good mud i could use.

so i sat there and thought about this interesting scene. kids who could care less about my migraine...running around and laughing...coupled with the conversation of their moms and their appearance.

i hope i can find that childlike joy in the midst of what we call life these days. and hopefully my laughter won't make anyone's migraines worse. and i hope that you, too, can find that joy.