oh blog where art thou

i think the amount of blogs i have is similar to the amount of journals i have. i have a journal about relationships. i have a daily journal about life. i have a journal for short stories. i have a journal for work. and then i have some blogs. i have this blog and another blog for wedding reflections. and then i have facebook 'notes' which i find to be just the same.

i find it hard to have a blog or journal devoted to every thing that's happening in my life. maybe that's because i'm a wordy processor who needs different platforms of reflecting. who knows.

but i feel compelled to remember what i initially made this blog for - my journey with food and understanding myself. a dear friend sent me an email from one of her friends, A. A's documenting her journey with food and asking for people's input. my blog historically documented a lot about what i was dealing with on my journey with weight watchers. what's funny is that if you look at my posts and you see those posts dwindle away, you might guess that i was struggling with food and old habits. i hit some ups and downs with things that i found stressful. i traveled to africa, returned and lost my car in a flood, welcomed both my fiance and brother to omaha, saw a lot of transition. lots of change.

i think it's fair and accurate to acknowledge the stress that those changes caused me. i think it's also fair to admit that they did derail me. i fought and struggled to get my grip towards the end of last year and then the beginning of this year i sort of saw the light. within the past few months i've actually seen the source of the light, and i think that it is freedom. freedom is forever beckoning me home. freedom from myself, from others, from food. its' a constant call and a constant journey. it is so easy to go back to our shackles and wait to be bound again.

i marked my change with a tattoo. my freedom tattoo. i adore it. it's one of my favorite tattoos. i find it fitting that it is on my wrist, where shackles could be. but really for me, i also love that it is a reminder when i'm eating. today i'm not at my goal weight, but i am moving towards it. i'm going to my weight watchers meetings every week. i'm weighing in every week...the ups and downs are there in my journey. and i feel like i'm finding myself again. i enjoy my meeting and the people who go there. and i know that they will be sweet companions on this journey. and so will my friends and family.

i realize that there are choices that we make now that affect our future. yes, it's just like the stock market. we put our money in shares and risks and hope that it pays off...but in life, we've got to put our faith and hope in something that endures and that is lasting. we put our faith and hope in God...and we can rest in God. and in the freedom that God proclaims.

so, here i am. dealing with some really big emotions head on (getting married!) and i'm choosing to be present in this times and not hiding behind what is comfortable or familiar to me (food).

so, today i challenge you to take a look at your stocks :) see what you're investing in and what you're avoiding and what you're taking as a risk...and see where you can find true freedom.

omaha trolley tours

this morning i went on another omaha trolley tour with kenley, liz and noemi. this was the third trolley tour i've been on through the durham museum. the first was the nitty gritty city tour, then one about south omaha and then today we went on the north omaha/jazz tour.

i was struck by a number of things.

24th street is in a predominantly african american community. back in the early 1900s this street was home to dreamers. the street was named ' the street of dreams. ' when people wanted to start something off, they started there and move forward. there was something about that area being an incubator of talent, inspiration and creativity. i think that there's a revolution in that area, so much energy and really good ideas are coming out of there again. some of my favorite things: love's jazz and arts center. malcolm x foundation.

the tour guide couldnt' figure out if she should say native american, indian or injun. yes, she said injun at one point. we all cringed in the back!

general crook had an interesting part in the history of advocating for the native americans in omaha.

trolleys sometimes have a hard time getting up steep hills.

florence was a territorial city before nebraska was a state. interesting.

in the 1880s the omaha population was around 30,000 and 1/3 of that represented immigrants

overall i really enjoyed the tour. we're planning on going on another one. i hope that the tour guide will be as informative as this one!

and fathers know best, too

this weekend i'm housesitting. and i've enjoyed the break. i'm thankful that my apartment is very close to my current place! so i have to stop and get my mail every other day! when i went on friday i had a sweet, sweet letter from my dad. it was a really sweet reflective letter that touched me so much! and i got a nice little bit of help a $25 giftcard. ofcourse the words meant more than the money :)

it's been so amazing this week to see how God has provided gifts through some small things! i recommended a friend to a local dentist and they sent me a giftcard for gas! i mean, seriously!

well. that's it for now.

come with me by yourselves

³⁰ The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. ³¹ Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."

i caught this verse in my journal. i've read it before and i love it. it's a good reminder and something to reflect on the rest of this week.

mothers know best

mothers know best. well, parents know best. well family members know best. i love getting mail. this evening i finally made it home around 930, exhausted and carrying way too many bags. and carrying my mail under my neck. ouch. and then i got a letter from my mom with a starbucks giftcard. it made me happy.

garden

here are some shots from our garden. we have 20 banana peppers right now...and there are more about to grow! what do we do? i don't know how to pickle them! we have our first tomato, too. and we nursed a basil plant back to health!

you know it's summer when...

i know it's summer when...

... i see the flower watering truck watering the hanging plants around dundee
... jazz on the green starts
... birds wake me up in the morning
... i head to the gym and it's sunny at 530 am
... i hear the familiar hum of my window a/c units
... i'd rather play outside than work
... i see lightning bugs !
... i get to have fresh tomatoes
... i go to the farmers market on saturdays!
... my allergies bother e a bit more than normal
... i smell summer perfumes. dolce and gabana light blue. MMMM.
... the days are long and the nights are longer. but you still have to get up in the morning early for work!

:)
good night.