playing for change

gives me hope today.

considering false friendship

i went away on retreat last week for a day and a half. i was relieved to be still. i didn't check facebook or email for just a day and a half. when i got back on, i was actually a little surprised how funny it felt.

i was challenged to consider what true and genuine friendship and hospitality means for me in this time. in the past year i've actually felt not as close to friends because of facebook. i might venture to say that i feel like with the intrusion of electronic communication and constant updating of our lives via the internet, we're not really that close. so i'm considering what i share and why i share it. is it because i want you to think that i'm doing something cool or baking some delicious? or is it because it's just an interesting tidbit that you might find useful. here are some of my thoughts.

1. i should never find out more about you by reading a status update. ever.
2. you should never give me an hour-by-hour update of your day. i don't care. ever.
3. i enjoy updates that give me good information like a link for a funny video. go for it.
4. don't be that person. you know, hi, i'm passive aggressive.
5. your relationship issues shouldn't be played out online. ever.
6. don't think that you're that clever with your update. you're not.
7. consider old fashion communication once a day. i don't know, pick up a phone? write a letter? shoot, i'll let you even have an email.

prayer request

i'm going on a personal/spiritual retreat tomorrow! i'm heading to des moines to the ghali retreat center aka the ghali home :).

it's supposed to snow. pray for safe travels and restful times.

i'll be returning saturday morning.

weekend

i'm happy that this weekend actually felt like a weekend. i feel really rested and refreshed.

ah. so refreshed and rested that this is all i will write.

LORD, have mercy

i and two other coworkers went outside for three minutes. the sun is out and it's warmer than usual. we walked from the office's front door to a little patch of sun, talked a bit and walked back to the office.

now i'm sitting at my newly cleaned and organized desk and working on a number of projects. i see my immune system support offbrand medicine to my left. some lotion and lip balm for the dry winter. and then some scattered documents on the right. when i glanced over to the little organized piles of mess i caught a glimpse of a polaroid my friend courtney sent me. it's a shot of a vibrant green plant cozied up to a brick wall.

i've had a week like none other. at times i felt like celebrating and other times i've felt as if the walls were closing in on me. at one point i mentioned to kenley that i felt like i was losing who jara was. it was a frightening and overwhelming moment. and then it began to retreat. i feel it sneak up in waves and i have to take a step back and sigh. Lord, have mercy.

stepping out of the office for a moment helped. i was able to take a deep breath and enjoy the chance to interact with God's creation. i love the moment when you're able to be cool in one moment and then feel the warmth of the sun in the next. and i also love the beautiful ways people capture creation and beauty in photography. courtney is one of the best i know.

pray for me today as you think of it. i'm feeling the weight of the past months in a new and unusual way. pray for sustainability and that i'm not overcome in desperation.

thank you.

click here for a prayer that i like that a coworker, heather, posted.

i needed a good laugh

this morning i led prayer. as we closed, i prayed that there would be something that would make us laugh really hard today.

i needed to laugh today. it's been an interesting couple of weeks here. our department has used the words: fragile, on the verge and overwhelmed. and one person said good (our sweet mandy). i'm not sure what we would do if all four of us felt a little off. thank God for the grace of mandy this week.

things that make me laugh:

at lunch
mandy laughs and apologizes to people who were still working. then amanda said...oh we've gotten used to work through the laughter. more laughter.

michelle shares a story. i blurt out BOOM roasted.

a certain department is reading the five love languages book - but the married couple version. made me giggle.

in my head
i have an active imagination. it's bizarre. i used to get nightmares as a child. they would involve this teddy bear - scary bear. the bear had orange eyes. i remember putting that bear in the closet so it wouldn't disturb me. as i grew up, i would always pray that i wouldn't have nightmares. i still do that...i hate nightmares. so as part of my own prescription, i would imagine what my dream would be and that's what would put me to sleep. so when i want to relax, i just dream. i love it.

so. here are the things i think of in my head that make me laugh when i'm stressed.

i listen to music (like this website) and imagine the choreography i would create.
i imagine running my car into things or other cars. just for fun. not for violence.
i listen to music (like jennifer hudson) and can almost convince myself that i could be a singer just like her. i just have to put my mind to it.

that's it.

will you be my black friend?

good article from GQ. i don't endorse GQ. i don't really like the magazine, but liked this article. gives us something to think about.