when dreams become reality

i recently read that your dreams allow your subconscious to work through real and external threats or stresses...and so sleeping your 8 hours a night is supposed to give you the time and space needed to work through your stress and you'll wake up completely fine.

if it were so easy. this morning i woke up a bit late and had a pounding headache. as i stumbled around to wake up i started to remember my dreams. at one point i was fighting with liz about raisersedge being better than access for database management and fundraising. in my dream she told me to shut up. (i usually always remember the first time any friend tells me to shut up - this didn't count). then in my dream i proceeded to cry about everything that has and still stresses me out. wasn't i supposed to wake up feeling better? i didn't. when i finally woke up, i realized that those stresses are very close to me and very real...perhaps tangible. i sometimes think that if i try hard enough i might be able to touch them with my fingers. i feel the stress as soon as i try to close my eyes and sleep at night and i usually wade through it in the morning, feeling my way to the gym or to work.

on my recent annual work review, i think i was able to articulate that i'm an emotional person and that i will be emotional on the good and bad side. so i know this stress shouldn't be alarming...my emotions will soon be reflected on the flip side...in some sort of shrilly giggle and scream about something real fun and joyful.

but now i'm weepy. my friend and coworker is heading on sabbatical for 6 months. i'm getting married in less than that. i work hard. i still can't figure out how to raise my salary and can't go a day without thinking about it. i miss my friends who are all over the country and world.

so today i'm looking at my wall of love behind me...there are letters from friends around the world who have sent notes of encouragement and humor and love...and they make me smile.