First week of new employment

So, I managed to apply for a lot of jobs with pretty decent waiting periods...so I had to start looking for some temp positions. I had an interview, another interview and was hired and then started within four days.  Jaraployment was a little too short lived, but i'm thankful for this new little gig that I have for the next 6-8 weeks. I'm making phone calls 6 hours a day, I get an hour lunch break and i'm done by 4 pm sharp.

Things that have helped me in the transition and in me finding my health:
• I like getting off of work at 4, I get to still get to the gym and home in a decent amount of time. I likey, I likey.
• You do your job and you go home...I have only worked two days, but I know that I won't be taking any work home with me...I feel lighter as I drive home (that may be part of me shedding the past few years + this new job)
• Acknowledging the present. I had a pretty crazy weekend and then my bff Mandy reminded me...I'm going through a huge transition into the unknown...for someone who LOVES and likes to know what's next...this is a huge step for me. I am forced into looking at the very present moment. I love calendars and I love planning...this job doesn't require me to do it. I just have to show up.
• What can you handle? I was in a bad place yesterday. I asked God a series of questions...like you say that you don't give people more than they can handle...do you know me? This is too much...etc etc. I think that a lot of times, for me, when I'm faced with the unknown, I don't want to walk through it...I want to walk past it and let it figure itself out. I have to stay in this holding pattern...

The holding pattern...that's an amazing theme. I'm not saying that staying in the same place circling around is the best idea...but in our health journeys, there are times when we may not know where to go and we may go back to places that are familiar to us...but sometimes we just need to hang out in a holding pattern. And just see where we are...for the good, the bad and the ugly..the present.

jaraployment

So, September 30 marked the end of my time at WMF. I spent the next week unwinding in Maine and New York. I arrived back to Omaha ready to figure out myself and my life. I had these grand ideas of waking up each morning and walking Dolly. Then after walking Dolly I would have coffee in my new coffee mug while sitting in my sunroom meditating...and all of that would happen before nine. Then, I would make a round of oatmeal, read from the many books I need to finish and then I would leisurely walk to the Y where I would then run and lift weights. After working up a sweat, I would head home where I would take a long bath and then perhaps take a nap. Upon waking I would find myself looking through cookbooks to find the perfect dinner to make for my family. Oh what should I make? What should I make? Inspired, I'd make some delicious and intricate and detail-oriented dish with no trouble while cleaning the house from top to bottom.

Monday morning I woke up to a cold. I watched a lot of television. I journaled a bit. I got some crazy emails. Had to digest the crazy emails. Went back to trying to figure out life here at jaraployment.

I started to read "Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life." I'd waited to read this book until I was good and ready (aka diet starts Monday! mentality). I begrudgingly started to read it and felt right at home immediately. I haven't gotten in it enough to offer a great summary...but from the first part I think that the book breaks down clean and mindful eating in very accessible and adaptable ways.

So, today, I woke up, still cold-filled, and slowly made my way into Wednesday. I thought working at jaraployment has to be better than watching tv all of the time (though I do like that). I started to figure out how to recover our garden space...we had about five tomato plants fighting for the same spot...so I started to prune and pick. Then I gave Dolly a much-needed bath. She sat with the water on her, shivering...and when I finished that, I had to go back to the garden. I had a lot of thoughts while in the garden. I was thankful for the ways that God created nature to produce such amazing plants. I thought about pruning and weeding and letting things go out of control. I thought about the weeds that started to grow in our mulch...and I just kept going.

I took pictures of tomatoes that had fallen. I took pictures of our new hammock. I took pictures of Dolly sitting around. And I was happy that I worked at jaraployment for the time being.

I sat down to eat lunch...I'd thawed some bread that Caldy had made...and warmed up some soup...found my coffee mug and made some tea...and I just rested in a full day at jaraployment. I'll find myself in my hammock in a little bit.

boston, deer isle, boston, somewhere in connecticut, new york city, brooklyn

So. Since I've last blogged....

I had my last day at work. I celebrated in downtown Omaha. I rode to Kansas State in Manhattan, Kansas, aka the little apple...flew into Boston...drove with some of my most favorite people to an amazing wedding in deer isle, maine...had no cell phone service and thought this is great....celebrated an amazing amazing amazing wedding. cried, the photographer cried...a musician cried...ken cried...we all cried...

rode back to boston...walked, took the megabus to nyc...saw one of my friends from elementary school (wow so fun)...hung out w/a few of k's crew...saw besties and the concrete jungle. walked. walked. walked. walked. 

celebrated. walked. walked. 

arrived home with like 500 photos. 

will update soon. have lots to write.

Seasons of Change

September has been a month of change. I feel like the past two Septembers, this one included, have been full of changes. I'm learning that change doesn't stop – how we respond to change is more important than trying to keep things the same.

Last September I moved out of my apartment and lived with two different families. I got married in October. And this time around this September marked the last month of employment at a place I worked at for five years. It was also a time that I celebrated two weddings. And then it's the month where dear friends are moving across the country. September is the month that welcomes a new season (fall).

What do you do to celebrate new seasons? I'd like to move towards celebrating new seasons rather than dreading them...

Woe is me.

Woe is me has never been a motto that has gotten anyone anywhere ever. And that's been the motto i've had for a few days. I got discouraged about a week and a half ago, I got hit with a cold/flu and couldn't work out and eat well. Well, I could've eaten better, but when I'm feeling down and out I let most of the things that could help me, go.

So, I got home from my freelance job (I love love love it) and took a two hour nap. When I finally woke up, I stumbled around the kitchen. Looking at the dishes that needed to be done I thought this in my head...no seriously, I think this.

I just need one more day and i'll be better. I'll snap out of this. 


Life is staring me in the eyes, transitions, frustrations, hopes, dreams are all staring at me waiting for me to participate, but I've cowered and thrown up a white flag of surrender and chanted woe is me.

But I'm done. It was like a switch flipped in my head, my posture, my thinking, my perspective. I'm done giving up. I'm done being passively involved in what's happening around me. I'm tired of not taking care of myself. (I realized that I was running on a deficit today when two of my best friends asked for some help and I told them (in more ways than one) that my issues were too much for me to handle. Yes, I need to tend to what's happening with me and not overextend myself, but there are certainly better ways to handle it i'm sure). Things at work were tough, i'm dealing with transitions of things there and of friends, I feel like I can't get back into eating well and working out (I ENJOY WORKING OUT)...and I sort of gave up for a few weeks.

But. I. Am. Back.

My head's in the game. And thanks for the prayers you nice people.

I think that courage is the theme I should focus on these days.

Deep breaths...deep breaths...gotta take deep breaths.

I am one week and one day before my last day at my current job.

Think of me, pray for me, sending me gentle thoughts.

Mandy and I reminisced on some of the past years we've shared together. We laughed so hard. I snorted. I had tears running down my face. I am incredibly thankful for the years that I was able to share with some of my closest and dearest friends.

When I get stressed, I turn to food. I wish I were that person who would turn away from food when stressed. But I am who I am.

I want to feel the feelings that are swirling around my head and my body. I don't want to ignore those feelings by numbing them with food. And I think i'll try doing that with deep breaths.

Swimming Lesson Update

So, one of the things I want to do before I turn 30 is become a better swimmer. I had my first lesson today at the Y. I highly recommend swimming lessons at the Y for all ages. Our Y offers two adult lessons. The first lesson is for beginnings and the lesson I took is for those who want to improve their strokes.

I didn't realize how comfortable I would be in the water. I didn't swim as much as I wanted to this summer :(. BUT I got in the water today and was at home.

The format was simple...the instructor had me explain my goals in lessons: to become a stronger swimmer, become more familiar with the various strokes and be able to swim laps. I wasn't super confident when I began my lesson, but when I started to show her how I swim, I was alright. (side note: i'm confident that Mandy needs to be a part-time swimming instructor). I made my way to the deep end on my own. I practiced breathing. I began facing some of my anxieties.

I'm afraid of drowning...when I see that movie Perfect Storm, I get the creeps. And you know me, I siked myself out of being confident in the water. I hope by the end of my lessons I'm a more confident person in facing tasks that I thought were too scary to face.