yep. i was that kid who would love to try and see how long i could hold my breath under water. there is always that point of feeling like you're just about to suffocate. your arms flail...you push off of the bottom of the pool and you come up for air. beautiful, lovely and satisfying air.
i'm not at that point of feeling like i 'm suffocating. i've made a point to go to the gym each morning...and i've tried to make a point to create some quiet space in the morning at home when i get back. sometimes saved by the bell is just too tempting.
the board meeting starts this weekend. it is sometimes a test to see who has to come up for air...flailing their arms...or who comes up beside you to help you catch your breath. that's my prayer for this weekend. it's inevitable...something will happen...and our arms will go up in the air...our blood pressure will join it...and so will our hair...and possibly the volume of our voices. but hopefully someone will link arms with us and tell us...it's alright, just come up for some air. this will be over before you know it...and besides, we get an extra hour of sleep on sunday.
:)
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
bootleg internet :)
kenley is letting me borrow his laptop and someone is letting me borrow their internet.
remember that one time i started a blog to write about my journey with weight watchers, oh yeah. i did.
so i'll write a little bit about what i'm learning about in my journey of living a whole, healthy life with discipline and grace.
realization.
for the longest time...well, i guess five years, i was in denial about my relationship with food. i definitely found comfort in food through celebrations, loneliness, happiness anger, solitude, companionship and community. i had always been fairly active through high school and a majority of college. i assumed that my body would just adjust to living a sedentary life. i didn't think that it would adjust to being over 200 pounds...more specifically 228 pounds. damn. she just wrote that.
i invite people to be a part of my life and this is an important part of my life, it is my health.
so. i realized there was something wrong when i went to get my nebraska license and didn't know what to put in the 'weight' portion of the application. hmm. i knew that it was harder for me to fasten seatbelts on planes...i knew it was harder to bend over to paint my nails...and shit, it was a lot harder for me to climb the three flights of stairs to my apartment. well. 185 sounds good. to me it was an acknowledgment that i wasn't the weight i should be. but i didn't realize that it was far, far from the truth.
the truth was that i was a morbidly obese 25 year old woman. i had odd heart pains, my feet hurt in the morning, i slept much more than i needed to, i avoided the gym, i wore guachos - a lot and i wasn't happy.
it went beyond my weight. i'm realizing that our lives are much more interconnected than we like to admit. when i don't have enough alone time, my health suffers...and when my health suffers i don't want to spend time with Christ...and when i don't spend time with Christ i'm not being refreshed, inspired, filled up to be given those around me. it's all tied up together.
so. now. i look back to almost a year ago and i wonder what happened. my mom spoke into my life in ways that no one else did. i wonder if we have the courage to call each other out...not in a negative way...but in a way to encourage and uplift them. my prayer is that we live towards wholeness: spiritually, emotionally, relationally, physically...all of those areas and more. and as we move towards wholeness we can offer ourselves to each other. this goes against what our culture thinks we should do or who we should be. it makes more sense if we indulge ourselves in things that make us feel good. why would we want to eat a balanced diet when we can feel better eating what makes us feel good...why would we want to use our bodies and exercise when we can just not (i know, bad sentence). i hope that we can move to honoring God's creation - our body through whole health.
anyway. these are just some thoughts. i'm definitely still working through what this looks like. much more later. it's too late to write more.
peace to you.
remember that one time i started a blog to write about my journey with weight watchers, oh yeah. i did.
so i'll write a little bit about what i'm learning about in my journey of living a whole, healthy life with discipline and grace.
realization.
for the longest time...well, i guess five years, i was in denial about my relationship with food. i definitely found comfort in food through celebrations, loneliness, happiness anger, solitude, companionship and community. i had always been fairly active through high school and a majority of college. i assumed that my body would just adjust to living a sedentary life. i didn't think that it would adjust to being over 200 pounds...more specifically 228 pounds. damn. she just wrote that.
i invite people to be a part of my life and this is an important part of my life, it is my health.
so. i realized there was something wrong when i went to get my nebraska license and didn't know what to put in the 'weight' portion of the application. hmm. i knew that it was harder for me to fasten seatbelts on planes...i knew it was harder to bend over to paint my nails...and shit, it was a lot harder for me to climb the three flights of stairs to my apartment. well. 185 sounds good. to me it was an acknowledgment that i wasn't the weight i should be. but i didn't realize that it was far, far from the truth.
the truth was that i was a morbidly obese 25 year old woman. i had odd heart pains, my feet hurt in the morning, i slept much more than i needed to, i avoided the gym, i wore guachos - a lot and i wasn't happy.
it went beyond my weight. i'm realizing that our lives are much more interconnected than we like to admit. when i don't have enough alone time, my health suffers...and when my health suffers i don't want to spend time with Christ...and when i don't spend time with Christ i'm not being refreshed, inspired, filled up to be given those around me. it's all tied up together.
so. now. i look back to almost a year ago and i wonder what happened. my mom spoke into my life in ways that no one else did. i wonder if we have the courage to call each other out...not in a negative way...but in a way to encourage and uplift them. my prayer is that we live towards wholeness: spiritually, emotionally, relationally, physically...all of those areas and more. and as we move towards wholeness we can offer ourselves to each other. this goes against what our culture thinks we should do or who we should be. it makes more sense if we indulge ourselves in things that make us feel good. why would we want to eat a balanced diet when we can feel better eating what makes us feel good...why would we want to use our bodies and exercise when we can just not (i know, bad sentence). i hope that we can move to honoring God's creation - our body through whole health.
anyway. these are just some thoughts. i'm definitely still working through what this looks like. much more later. it's too late to write more.
peace to you.
Friday, October 26, 2007
two minutes
what do i have to say in two minutes? well. there have been things that i want to write about but haven't had the time yet.
i will write soon. kenley comes in town this weekend and i'm thrilled.
and it's the weekend. and i'm thrilled.
peace.
i will write soon. kenley comes in town this weekend and i'm thrilled.
and it's the weekend. and i'm thrilled.
peace.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
funny link about cellphones
don't be these people (mentioned in the article)
http://tech.msn.com/products/articlecnet.aspx?cp-documentid=5569792>1=10540
http://tech.msn.com/products/articlecnet.aspx?cp-documentid=5569792>1=10540
Saturday, October 20, 2007
mmm fall
i made it to new york this morning at 10:04. actually we landed at 9:45 am...
there's nothing like a direct flight from omaha to newark...and there's nothing better than not paying for the ticket. here's to redeeming points to fly :).
anyway. i had a good week. a lot of the week was looking forward to this weekend. there's nothing like hanging with my sweet man in a really cool city with delicious fall weather.
after a week of cloudy, gloomy skies i welcome these cloudless, blue skies that new york is offering me right now. :)
there's nothing like a direct flight from omaha to newark...and there's nothing better than not paying for the ticket. here's to redeeming points to fly :).
anyway. i had a good week. a lot of the week was looking forward to this weekend. there's nothing like hanging with my sweet man in a really cool city with delicious fall weather.
after a week of cloudy, gloomy skies i welcome these cloudless, blue skies that new york is offering me right now. :)
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
woman
of all of the times i've read The Jesus I Never Knew i've never stopped on the two pages (so far) where yancey mentions the role of women in Jesus' life.
so this morning it caught me off guard when our department stopped to discuss these two pages. i'm not really sure it was even two pages. but we paused for quite awhile when we were discussing the longest part of this book, TJINK.
i'm not really sure how to articulate how the conversation went down but it's really stayed with me the entire day.
'perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle and last at the Cross. they had never known a man like this Man -- there had never been such another. a prophet and teacher who never nagged at them, who never flattered or coaxed or patronized; who never made arch jokes about them, never treated them either as 'The women, God help us!' or 'The Ladies, God bless them!'; who rebuked without querulousness and praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously, who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being female; who had no ax to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend; who took them as he found them and was completely unselfconscious.
there is no act, no sermon, no parable in the whole Gospel that borrows its pungency from female perversity; nobody could possibly guess from the words of Jesus that there was anything 'funny' about woman's nature.
but we might easily deduce it from His contemporaries, and from His prophets before Him, and from His Church to this day.'
- TJINK, page 154 -
- Dorothy Sayers, Are Women Human, Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press, 1971, p. 47
so this morning it caught me off guard when our department stopped to discuss these two pages. i'm not really sure it was even two pages. but we paused for quite awhile when we were discussing the longest part of this book, TJINK.
i'm not really sure how to articulate how the conversation went down but it's really stayed with me the entire day.
'perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle and last at the Cross. they had never known a man like this Man -- there had never been such another. a prophet and teacher who never nagged at them, who never flattered or coaxed or patronized; who never made arch jokes about them, never treated them either as 'The women, God help us!' or 'The Ladies, God bless them!'; who rebuked without querulousness and praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously, who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being female; who had no ax to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend; who took them as he found them and was completely unselfconscious.
there is no act, no sermon, no parable in the whole Gospel that borrows its pungency from female perversity; nobody could possibly guess from the words of Jesus that there was anything 'funny' about woman's nature.
but we might easily deduce it from His contemporaries, and from His prophets before Him, and from His Church to this day.'
- TJINK, page 154 -
- Dorothy Sayers, Are Women Human, Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press, 1971, p. 47
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