my new york

i wrote this after returning from a trip to nyc:

My new york.

I remember my first trip to new york. The closest I had ever gotten to new york was through watching episodes of sex and the city. I imagined being whisked around in cabs while jumping in and out just to see a broadway show or to shop at some store. I imagined walking hand in hand with my love through central park...and maybe, just maybe kissing on top of the empire state building.

But that’s not my new york. I’m in no way a new yorker at all. I’m barely considered a southern implant in the midwest. But I do have my own new york. With it’s noise, it’s pollution...the honking, the walking...the stops...the moments of awe and inspiration mixed together in tension make this city beautiful to me. I can point out the restaurant I had my first new york meal...complete with tears and a fight. I can point out the different corners when I would get a glimpse of kenley and be blown away at who God has created him to be. My new york is full of slow, meaningful walks through the city, walking, sometimes hand in hand or maybe arm in arm with my best friend and love. It’s the noise and silence that make the soundtrack to some of the most important conversations of our relationship. When I can’t hear anything other than horns honking and strangers’ phone conversations, I feel kenley’s hand grab mine and it’s there, this unspoken, intimate moment between us that no one else can share.

Kenley gracefully and beautifully carries himself through situations and averted crises...and in that same manner, he gently encourages me to follow his lead. If it’s through him carrying my luggage up broken escalators...or if it’s him telling me to suck it up...he knows when and how to challenge me.

So. When I get home from new york, I’m acutely aware of his absence. Yes, I’m definitely aware of it when I try carrying my luggage up my stairs...not just because it’s heavy and I’d prefer if someone would help me...but because he carried that luggage all morning without complaining.